| || || |
Now that you are reading this article, I assume that you want to know how to save your marriage. If that is the case, I want to take a minute to congratulate you first. I congratulate you because you are trying to save your marriage and not just letting it go like most other people do. If more people were like you, the divorce rate of 87% we have now would be much less. I have been in your shoes and know the pain too well - but in the end I did save my marriage.
You want to save your marriage, and to do that; you must be in the correct state of mind. Most people who want to save marriages, including me; go desperate upon seeing that their marriage is heading towards a divorce. And they react by looking for a quick fix to repair all damage and save their marriages, because they feel that they need to do something immediately to repair their marriages. I have been through all that - but I learned that such an approach always makes everything worse.
The reason is simple. There is no quick fix to save your marriage because the problems leading to this severe marriage crisis didn't happen overnight - they built from ground up in some time. So if you want to act to make them disappear overnight; not only they won't, but it will also ruin your credibility in your spouse's eyes. This is why you must immediately get rid of the "I must do something at once!!" / desperate / panicky state of mind; and calm down. I like to call this state the "marriage-saving" state of mind. Being calm will enable you to process everything that is happening right now in your brain. It will make you calmly consider the problems, find their sources, and remove their roots. You will be able to look at everything from a much wider perspective - as opposed to the knee-jerk reactions in the possibility of a breakup and divorce. I know that this is easier said than done - but I have made a web page which I hope can guide you to the right path of saving your marriage.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA