| || || | So let’s say that you have met this really great girl. You like being with her, you have a lot of fun together, everything appears to be going well. Then she sees you talking to another girl and whammo! The green-eyed monster rears its head. Congratulations, dude, you have a jealous girlfriend. Jealousy has been ruining relationships since the beginning of civilization (and maybe even before).
There are numerous stories, movies, and plays that center on this destructive emotion. It is a part of being human and at some point in their life everyone feels the stab. But what do you do if you have a wonderful girl but her jealousy causes all sorts of problems? You can’t go out with your friends because she is jealous that you will meet someone else. You can’t have any friends who are women nor can you talk to a woman because your girlfriend is jealous. You don’t want to lose this great girlfriend but you don’t know how much more you can take. How do you handle a jealous girlfriend? Let’s first look at what makes girls jealous.
Why Are Girlfriends Jealous
The main reason most girls are jealous is low self-esteem, insecurities, and lack of trust. Anyone can experience jealousy. Your girl may be smart and beautiful and seem to have everything going for her yet still have insecurities about your relationship. Maybe she had a bad experience with a past boyfriend. Perhaps he cheated on her and she was really hurt over it. That would certainly cause problems of self-esteem.
One main reason girls tend to get jealous is over other girls, particularly ex girlfriends. They are worried that other girls might have something that they do not. Your girlfriend may feel that you could find other girls prettier, funnier, or smarter than she is. She may also be wondering if you still have feelings for your ex. All of these thoughts will lead to the fear that she could lose you. So if you and your ex have remained friends, then this can be a big problem with a jealous girlfriend.
Handle a Jealous Girlfriend Girls who have had a difficult time growing up tend to have insecurities about relationships. Most of our insecurities are leftovers from our childhood years anyway. If she was picked on, made fun of, or teased a lot, that is enough to leave a few emotional scars. If she was ever betrayed by anyone she really trusted (like a best friend suddenly turning on her) that would certainly cause problems of self-esteem.
Another reason for relationship insecurities could stem from her parents if they had a troubled marriage. Sometimes as girls grow up and their father cheats on their mother, it can make a negative impression on them about men and trust. As a child they think that if their father, who is suppose to fill a protective role, could cheat, then any guy is capable of it. Irrational, yes, but that is the human psyche for you.
So once you can figure out why she is jealous, you can understand where she is coming from. If you understand it, then you can better deal with it.
What You Can Do To Make a Girlfriend Less Jealous
Dealing with a jealous girlfriend can be pretty tough so you should try not to give her any excuse to be jealous. One big thing is not to look at other girls. Sure, there is no harm in looking. Everybody does it. But if you are walking along with your girlfriend on your arm and you give another lovely lady ‘the eye’ then you are just causing trouble for yourself. At the very least, be discreet and respect your girlfriend enough not to do it when they are around.
If you have several friends who happen to be women, you might need to spend less time with them until you and your girlfriend can manage to get over the jealousy issues. This can be a tough call and your friends may not like it but if you feel that your girlfriend is worth the effort, then you should try to make her happy. Just don’t let it be permanent. True friends are hard to find and you risk hurting them by suddenly excluding them.
Don’t Lie To Your Girlfriend!
Unless you want to destroy any trust that you might have built up with her, always be honest. If you lie to her about having lunch with some friends or co-workers (a couple of whom happen to be women) and she catches you at it, there is going to be you-know-what to pay. Always tell her the truth, even if it gets you in trouble. It is better to get in trouble with the truth than a lie.
Be patient with your girlfriend. Don’t get mad and yell or berate her every time she gets jealous. This compounds the problem. When you get mad at her jealousy, then it makes her insecurities worse and thus her fears of losing you get worse. So what happens? It fuels the jealousy. Remember, this is a human emotion that is hard to control. No one likes to be jealous. It is not a good feeling. So be patient with her and let her know that you understand her problem.
Talk Things Over
I have said this before and it applies here as well. The key to any healthy relationship is communication. Keep those lines open between you and your girlfriend. You need to be able to talk openly about her problem. If she refuses to talk about it, then you will never find a solution to deal with it and it will continue to cast a shadow over your relationship. By talking about it, you can acknowledge that you know she cannot help it and she can understand how her jealousy makes you feel. Communication can reinforce to her that you are being faithful and that you are not doing anything that she should be jealous about.
Help Your Girlfriend With Her Self-Esteem
If you have a jealous girlfriend, one thing you can do to help her overcome the problem is to help her with her insecurities and self-esteem. You can do this by being affectionate towards her and giving her positive attention. Compliment her whenever you can to help build her self-esteem. Show her that you appreciate her and that she is special to you. Over time, she may come to realize that she has your loyalty and that you are serious about staying in this relationship. When she has had time to work on her confidence and self-esteem, you may find that she is no longer as jealous as she once was.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA