| || || | What Is It About Them?
Gerard Butler has this talent on the big screen. What is most alluring about Gerard is his ability to look his leading lady in the eyes, stare deeply into her eyes, listen, and come away from the moment knowing, understanding, and loving her better. Whether it is as King Leonidas in the testosterone filled “300” or as Gerry in the ladies’ choice “PS I Love You,” he does this amazing listening thing with every leading lady. She gets his full attention with lots of direct eye contact! While it sets up incredible expectations for men in relationships, he is the perfect “chick flick” actor because of this quality!
Of course, on television and in the movies, stories that take place over a period of days, months, even years are condensed to fill one or two hours. Being that attentive in real life for one or two hours is asking a lot! One of the reasons for the therapist’s 50-minute hour is because even professionally trained listeners can only attentively listen for just so long! The idea that a woman could expect a man to be perfectly attentive at a moment’s notice, a good listener any time of day or night, and always appreciating her is pure fantasy. However, taking some time to experiment with your listening skills and how you report back what you have heard could prove to have a nice pay off.
Being Seen And Heard
Everyone loves to feel seen and heard. It makes us feel valued and loved. As such, Gerard and Simon can teach women the same thing about love. Listening deeply to your man can be a big turn on. However, I believe there is one significant difference between best listening skills for men and women. While a woman loves it when her man deeply listens to her, discovering truths about her, and gently reporting those, it may be true that men prefer deep listening without a lot of feedback.
Deep listening requires two senses, hearing and sight. As you listen to the words that are said, you also pay attention to the body language on display. Chances are we can all think of conversations that turned into heated arguments when his or her words gave permission to speak while body language clearly said leave it alone.
Men take more time getting around to discussing aspects of their lives and personalities that allow you to know them more deeply because such discussion makes them feel vulnerable. And when they feel vulnerable, they believe they are no longer in a position to protect you. Oftentimes, perhaps every time, a man discloses to you parts of his life or personality that make him feel vulnerable, he will feel most heard by your attentive listening that doesn’t ask too many questions and that, most especially, doesn’t analyze what he shared. While those kinds of verbal responses might make a woman feel seen and heard, respectfully listening without pushing him deeper will make him feel seen and heard.
For both men and women, when you are invited to listen, be careful to allow his or her thoughts to come to a close before changing the subject or leaving the room. Leaving the conversation too swiftly or changing it to be about you too soon, makes a person feel dismissed and is a big turn off. Again, here body language gives a lot of clues.
My husband, Joseph, has shared things with me that I did not realize were tender for him to share. Because I did not pay attention to his body language (some tenseness, lack of lingering direct eye contact, hesitation while sharing), I did not perceive what a vulnerable place he was in. So, I got busy analyzing and comparing what he shared to something similar in my life, just rambling on because I hadn’t really listened! When that happens, it is so embarrassing to realize how inattentive and self-centered I can be!
On the other hand, when either of us listens attentively, reads the other’s body language, and responds with respect and tenderness, the love and passion grow. Listening deeply is a lot like smiling. It takes more effort to smile than to frown, but life (and love) is better when the effort is made!
The Alluring Impression of Men’s Hairstyles
This article deals with one of the most important areas of your appearance – hair. While the ultimate choice of how you want to look depends on you and your preferred style, one important point to remember is you must look CLEAN. The clean-cut look truly never goes out of fashion. And did you know that the choice of length of hair on your head also decides the kind of women who might be attracted to you? Interesting!
If you decide to follow whatever the current trend is – choice is entirely yours. But remember, that golden streak, that green top, or that long pony tail, will immediately delete a section of women from being attracted to you. Your target group gets reduced. To appeal to the maximum number of women, consider a neat short cut, trimmed neatly over the ears. If you are suffering from a thinning problem, go for a super-short or even the Yul Bryner look – the shiny bald.
Talking about baldness, it is a matter of great concern for men world-wide. There are numerous connotations (often self-made) about being bald. For example, bald men do not attract women; bald men look older than their age, and so on and so forth. But truly, women get attracted to men WHO MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD. Bald or otherwise. Come to think of it, baldness even lends a look of maturity and intelligence, and there are enough women who prefer them to “mamma’s boys”.
Whether long or short, bald or no bald, your overall hairstyle should look as natural as possible and not as if it is put on and dressy. You may decide to consult a woman hairstylist to decide which style look best on you. But remember to take care of your hair. Use shampoo and conditioners and take care of dandruffs, if any. There is nothing as disgusting as dating a man with dandruff on his shirt collar!
Facial hair, like beards and moustaches draw equal responses from women. If some like it, equal numbers do not. Personally speaking I feel facial hair can interfere with kissing and hence I remain clean shaven. Whichever form of facial hair you decide to keep, soul-patch or a goatee, remember to keep it clean, neat and trimmed. Women normally do not prefer unkempt and shaggy facial hair, as it makes a man look like a vagrant or a lost romantic or a has-been poet.
Hair on the rest part of your body like back and neck also needs grooming. Go for waxing from time to time, if necessary. Most women prefer hair on the chest, so don’t worry too much about it. But hair coming out of your nose and ears, MUST BE TRIMMED. If you can avoid it, prevent the two eyebrows meet in the center. And as far as your pubic hair is concerned, keeping it clean and trimmed is not only hygienic but exposes your manliness even more!
How to Make Him Find You Alluring and Want to Commit
If you have been wondering how to take your relationship with your man to the next level, listen up! This is often the most overlooked area for plenty of women. So many women are just busy trying to figure out how to GET a man to commit that they end up losing the man or themselves in the process.
Some women end up trying too hard. They try to be pretty, do things for men to love them, change the way they look so a man will want them more or accommodate anything to get love.
I have a little boy. Why is this info important to you? Well, if you look at how boys behave, you will know that one thing they absolutely LOVE to do is TEASE!
When you are playful with a man, you will begin to speak his language. He will automatically find you alluring, enchanting, and hard to resist. I guarantee it.
The truth is, there is a boy in EVERY man. This is why they are wired to defend their cherished freedom. Men want the freedom to drop their guard and just be themselves. If you can get a man to associate you with being playful, you'll most likely get him to do just about anything for you.
Be playful, be sly, be mischievous, be witty and your charm will intoxicate him. Forget about trying to use externals like your body or even sex to get his attention. You have to speak his language in order to get on his mind then he'll start to speak yours.
Reasons Why Taken Men Are More Alluring
While most women are not interested in taking a bite of the forbidden fruit some women find a man who is taken more alluring than a single man. In this powder room we're all bout "chicks before dicks"- no man is worth hurting another woman agreed? But we're still curious about what makes these men alluring? Here we have listed the top 6 reasons to their attraction. Ladies, did we leave any out?
He's off limits: While a woman can pretty much have any single man she lays her eyes on, a man who is already in a relationship will not be on her menu. This can present the perfect challenge for a woman who constantly needs attention to feed her ego- it's a self-gratifying experience when her looks can obtain what is off limits. If she can curve this man's interest she is one step ahead of his wife or girlfriend and for some women competition of this sort becomes an obsession.
They appear safer: A married man or a guy with a girlfriend can appear to have a less chance at STDs than single men who are bedding different women. Some women find this idea comforting since they would think that aside from the wife or girlfriend, he's only having sex with her.
These men are not looking for attention: Most single men are out there flirting and putting themselves completely available to all women. There usually isn't a challenge to getting a single man. On the other hand, a man who is off the market is not looking for attention, thus becoming a challenge for some women who thrive on constantly getting attention from every man. Since he is not trying to impress a woman he will also appear less intimidating to a woman who constantly has to deal with men who are trying hard to impress her.
They appear more emotionally mature and stable: While some men are not looking for a relationship and are simply "browsing" through the catalog of single women there are a few men who appear to have grown out of this stage and have decided to settle down with one woman thus appearing more emotionally mature and stable. Unlike single men whose single hood expiration date is unknown, these men have proven to want "husband/boyfriend" status. Also, when a woman notices that this man's wife or girlfriend is attractive and smart they know this woman has had an opportunity at any man of her choosing and having picked this man as her partner makes the man more of a prize. If he's good enough for her then he's good enough for me sorta mentality. Their wives and girlfriends take the guess work of how valuable he is out of these woman's hands.
If there's a happy woman on his arms, he must be a Prince Charming: While most women will admire a man's devotion to making his wife or girlfriend happy, some women see him as Prince Charming quality and suddenly they want to experience that fairytale-like relationship. How happy his wife or girlfriend appear to be in their relationship is an indicator of how successful he is at relationships. Some women simply want to take away another woman's apparent happiness.
It's emotionally safer: Some women have been hurt soo many times that they don't want to take a chance on any man fearing hurt and rejection. The unknown steps a relationship can take can be fearful to these women but getting involved in a relationship that has no room for growth can be comforting. The idea that they can enjoy time with a man while limiting their emotional investment seems less intimidating than a full on relationship. These women know their encounters with these men will never leave the bedroom and that can be safer.
Women! You Can Be More Alluring
To research my book, Men Made Easy, I immersed myself in the study of men. (And was that ever fun!) I interviewed hundreds of men and a standard question was, "What are the most attractive qualities in a woman." After laughing and listing their favorite body parts, I clarified my question. "What are the qualities you find most attractive in the woman with whom you fall in love, the woman with whom you wish to make a life?" Being alluring isn't special tricks or techniques. It's a way of being. Remember how we watched Princess Diana blossom into it? The following "tips" come from my research into the heart, soul, and psyche of men. If you take them to heart and make them yours, you'll be happier, more attractive...and definitely more alluring. You'll have what I call Feminine Grace*. How will you know? Because men will treat you differently. And guess what, I guarantee you're going to like it.
- Smile as often as you can.
Men are most attracted to a woman who is happy. A smile is like a big neon sign that tells the world you're a happy person and probably fun to be around. We're all attracted to that kind of person. Besides, smiling works those muscles in your face and keeps your face firmer, slowing the aging process. (At least it seems like that would have to be the case.) Plus, every time you smile, it's kind of like you've just given yourself a face lift. Smiling counters gravity. So ladies, lift those faces, work those muscles and smile your heart out. (Hmmm, now isn't that an interesting turn of words? Smile your heart out, let your heart out so others can see it. Fun, huh?
- Laugh frequently.
When you hear someone laughing, doesn't it make you want to go over there and be with them, to join in the fun? A person who laughs easily is assumed to be happy. When you laugh, you're relaxed and self-consciousness flies out the door. Attractive means to draw toward you. Everyone wants to be around happy people. Why not be that person that people are attracted to? Plus, laughter creates endorphins, which is good for you immune system, and most likely, keeps you younger. At least you'll feel younger.
- Look directly into men's eyes...with a little smile on your lips.
The other thing men said they were most attracted to was a woman who genuinely likes herself, who's comfortable with who she, who likes how she looks, and who's not self-conscious. If you're self-conscious it's difficult to look people in the eyes. If you can't look a man in the eyes you can't really connect. It's the primary signal to a man that you're open to him advancing closer. Without that eye contact, that permission, most men will turn and go somewhere else. (They need to feel they have about a 95% chance of success.) Practice looking at people slightly longer than is comfortable, with a little hint of a smile. Use people who don't matter so you're not intimidated. Does it make people notice you more, become more interested in you? It's amazing how a few seconds of eye contact can make all the difference. They don't call it a "come-hither" look for nothin
- Walk with grace and self-confidence.
It was funny how often men said they were attracted to a woman who had good posture. When you stand straight you're physically more attractive, you tell the world you're proud of who you are, comfortable with how you look, and someone said, "It makes your boobs stick out." That may be all it is, but I think a woman who stands tall is truly beautiful. A woman with bad posture, even a classically beautiful woman, falls short. (pardon the pun :-)
- Flirt, but keep it subtle.
Men said the only thing that was more scary than approaching a new woman, or moving to the "next level" with her, was the possibility of physical danger. (Isn't that so cute?) The lingering eye contact and smiling from across the room are part of that subtle flirting. A touch on the arm actually moves things to the next level, letting him know you're open to him. A woman who's guarded doesn't usually touch a man and men know that. Flirting is being friendly, keeping the door open, letting them know we're not going to embarrass them. But it must be subtle. Part of being alluring is the mystery. If we're too overt, it becomes crass.
- Have style, be classy.
An alluring woman is a classy woman. When you pay attention to the little details, then you stand out above the rest. An alluring woman is an exceptional woman. Look around and you'll see for yourself. Become exceptional by taking those extra steps with your hair, make-up, and clothes. But don't overdo it, keep it simple. Let your true beauty shine through. When everything is overdone, you can't see the women beneath all the layers. And men are usually turned off by a woman with too much hair, make-up, jewelry... well, you know, too much.
- Enjoy your femininity.
Men said they found a woman who obviously enjoys being a woman to be extremely attractive. Even if you're just going to the post office, if it makes you feel more feminine, put on a little lipstick, blush, and mascara. A quick brush through the hair and you're ready. Jeans and a T-shirt can be very attractive on a woman who enjoys being a woman. On a woman who doesn't care, they're just "guy" clothes, something to cover the body, keep it warm. Oh yes, paint those toenails...red if you dare. Then, instead of boring sneakers, throw on some of those great open-toed slings or sandals that are in all the stores right now. SEXY! You'll feel it and, trust me, he'll notice it.
- Wear sexy lingerie.
It may sound silly, but sexy lingerie affects how you "are." You'll feel sexier, more sensual, more womanly, more attractive. Men don't know what's going on, but they can sense that you're different and that difference comes across as alluring. Can you see how subtle all this is? And it's fun. So, girl, get out there and play with this stuff and notice how differently men respond to you. Let loose, get creative and enjoy...
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA