Undateable Women: The Desperate Woman

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Undateable Women: The Desperate Woman

 

The fact is, it's impossible to maintain a healthy relationship with the desperate woman, which makes them undateable women. Her craze for commitment and her self-imposed deadlines -- such as the need to have a baby by the time she’s 30 -- eliminate any hope of a normal relationship. We've put together this list of warning signs to help you avoid these undateable women and steer clear of the desperate woman.

  1. She's always in a relationship
    You can tell a lot about a woman from her relationship history, and the desperate woman's past is one continuous series of relationships. She's never alone because she can't stand to be alone. Moreover, each one of her former boyfriends is very different, as different as, say, Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn and John Mayer. Warning bells should go off if a woman doesn't seem to have any particular type; it indicates that she's not looking for that certain someone so much as she's looking for that certain anyone. If you suspect she might be a desperate woman, find out about her relationship history, either from her or from mutual acquaintances.
  2. She's a micromanager
    She has everything planned: this weekend, next weekend, the color of her future bridesmaids’ dresses, the names of her hypothetical children, everything. A desperate woman has excessively detailed plans, and she will incorporate you into those plans with alarming speed. Two weeks in and she's already saying: "I love you." After three dates, she wants you to meet her parents. The desperate woman is on a time line and, as a result, she tries to impose a serious commitment prematurely, acting as if the two of you have been together for years, even if you've only been on a couple of dates.
  3. Cats and dogs
    Maybe it's a coincidence that Jennifer Aniston has two dogs, then again, maybe it's not. Sometimes pets indicate desperation. Now, we're not out to bash pet people, and there's no reason to freak out just because your girlfriend has a cat (or two). The key is to watch how she interacts with her pets. Doting or obsessive behavior might indicate a desperate need for affection. Are her pets substitutes for people? Take our advice: The first time she refers to her dogs as "children," leave the room immediately.
  4. She's a pushover
    At first, it seems like a good thing -- she wants whatever you want. She thinks whatever you think. Soon though, you'll realize that she's just playing at compatibility in an attempt to convince either you or herself that the two of you are meant to be together. Trust us -- while it might seem cool for a week or two, you don't really want to date someone without opinions, without interests and without an identity.

Withdrawal Techniques
OK, so maybe you're already in a relationship with a desperate woman. You thought all that obsessive, clingy, panicky behavior was just part of her charm, right? Sucker. Well, don't worry. It's not too late. Here's how you can separate yourself from undateable women of the desperate variety.

  1. Take the blame
    First things first, suck it up and break it off. Don't bother manufacturing an excuse. Just tell her you're not ready for a serious commitment. She might yell. She might cry. She might plead with you to stay. However, you have to be tough. These are all signs that you're making the right decision. Remember, she's desperate.
  2. Damage control
    As soon as you've ended things, start circulating your version of the story. Get in touch with your mutual friends and use your initial contact to set up future plans. A desperate woman might try to attach herself to your social circle, using your friends to get back together with you. You want your people to form a barricade, not a bridge.
  3. Go cold turkey
    The desperate woman will remain desperate even after you've broken up. She will try to contact you and will likely want to get back together. This is a woman who specializes in neediness. That's why you need to cut off all contact. Go cold turkey. Avoid taking her calls and don't see her, at least for awhile. She's proven herself clingy; don't give her a chance to cling. Got it? Good. Now go find yourself an Angelina Jolie.

 

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