You know the scenario: boyfriend either just breaks-up, out of the blue or he cheats and then breaks-up, leaving you a heartbroken mess. Until, that is, you get to the anger stage. Revenge seems to be such a fantastic way to get him back. To harm him, the Evil Ex Boyfriend. Everyone's thought of getting revenge, to have that one last confrontation. To get closure. But is it really the right thing to do?
There are many types of revenge, from the extreme of posting naked blown-up photos of the ex on a billboard or sleeping with his best friend. If the relationship was physically or emotionally abusive, some psychologists encourage you towards the more minor petty revenge, like stealing one sock from each pair in the drawer. They say it helps release the anger so that you can move on. There are also people you can hire to 'pretend' they're the ex, so that you can get it out of your system without directly dealing with your ex. It's not such a bad idea.
Most revenges are not taken, but kept in their fantasy form. It's great to picture his shock at how fantastic you look a few weeks from now, with him begging to get you back. The same wonderful you he threw aside callously. Imagine the satisfaction of seeing his reaction when you blow him off. You can even add tears, if needed. On his side this time. Oh yes! But there's a line you cross when you actually get revenge.
Are you familiar with the term 'a boiler bunny?' It comes from the film Fatal Attraction, after Glen Close's character, Alex. It's used specifically for psychotic, vengeful ex-girlfriends. After looking at some sites, it's definitely a good term. The worst I found was buying crabs on-line and infesting the ex's bed or tighty-whiteys. That is taking things much too far, destructively so. How would that really make you feel better after finding out your ex cheated on you? I mean, really?
Not to mention all of the time you spend plotting and planning, while going through lonely tissues, you could be spending it on a much more important person: you. The best revenge is the one fantasized about and tossed to the curb, along with the memories of him. Focusing on yourself is one of the best things about break-ups. You now get to reinvent, revisit and delight in life. Take up new hobbies or get back to old ones. Keep yourself busy, not with thoughts of how good his head would look on a stick but how good you'd look in that little black number he hated you wearing.
In the end, we all make our revenge choices. Just don't forget that once something is done, you can't take it back. Weigh out whether it truly will make you feel better or worse when you're finished. And revenge or no, you'll still need to move on.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA