The Roadmap from Friend to Lover
One night, my friend Alice told us that she had a quandary with a guy who was coming out to meet her at the bar. Alice and him were friends, but she couldn't figure out how to get it to the next level. Alice's friends said "just flirt with him." But then Alice admitted:
"I don't know how to flirt."
It never occurred to me that flirting is like public speaking: you naturally know how to do it, or you fear it and find a way to learn it, or you fear it and avoid it at any cost.
For the next few moments, I watched Alice's girlfriends teach her the art of the gentle flirtatious touch (while trying to temper my excitement watching girls touch each other).
Once I snapped out of my fantasy world of pillow fights and sororities, I realized there was an art to flirting from the ground up: they psychological, phsyical and spiritual essence of it all.
When a girl successfully flirts with me, I feel nervous, but comfortable. She's brands herself in my mind and I can't wait to see her again to continue the flirtation.
But what does it take to make this perfect impession? Here are some flirting pointers:Have Confidence - Humans are great at sensing confidence (and lack of confidence). If a girl exudes confidence while flirting with me, that's half the sell.
Think Outside the Touch - We all hear about how important tactile contact is in flirtation. But a girl giving me a look along with tossing her hair, or giving me a special smile as she walked away are the flirtations I remember most. Those looks I remember were reserved for me, and I remember them more than the little touches on the arm.
Don't Overdo It - Don't be the girl who wears too much makeup. Flirt enough to let them know you're into them, but keep it subtle. Remember, though, a lot of guys don't even notice when someone is flirting with them.
Target Your Man - If you're the girl who flirts with everyone, then the guys won't think anything of it when you flirt with them. Make the person feel special by saving your flirtation for them.
Flirt With the Right Purpose - Flirting should be a little announcement that says: "Hey, I
might like you." Don't do it for attention, or to make someone you like jealous. It can end up being a bad reflection on you.
Devolop Your Signature - All the famous movie stars (Marylin Monroe, Greta Garbo, etc) have their classic looks. I'm not saying you need to be a movie star, but if you can develop a signature go-to flirtation move, you'll have a comfortable move to fall back on.
Give and Take - Try to hit that perfect balance of flirting, then pulling back so the other person can flirt. It will become a little dance, and you will both find a rhythm and perhaps sparks will fly from there.
Make Sure It's Wanted - When you start flirting with someone, pay attention to their reaction. You know how horrible it is when someone awkwardly flirts with you when you're not into it. If you sense resistence, call off the dogs and live to fight another day.
Master the Playful Poke - There are a lot of different ways to poke someone. I love little playful battles or arguments. I love it when women make playfully make fun of me for little things. Just make sure you have earned the right to do so, and don't do it so much that you make them want to punch you like I'm prone to do.
Time The Watershed Moment - When I started dating my girlfriend in college, I flirted with her for a month or two, but nothign happened. Finally, I gave her a stocking full of candy before Xmas break. Her friends told her: "OK, he definitely likes you-- you're the only one he gave a gift to." I timed my moment correctly and we started dating. The watershed moment ended the previous period of light flirting. At some point you have to make it known, on a higher level, you're into them beyond flirting.
What advice woudl you give to my friend Alice? How do you use flirting to take a relationship to the next level? Do you try to make sure to use it for the right reasons, and what are your favorite flirt moves to do to a guy or that a guy does to you?
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