Showing Compassion When Your Spouse Is Upset

Published on by CMe

 

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Showing Compassion When Your Spouse Is Upset

 
 
   
It's normal for married couples to get upset every now and again. Family, work, and/or children all contribute to the pressures that are part of everyday life within your marriage. If demands on one's time and energy aren't managed, often enough tension results.

This tension strains the marital relationship and one day when it's extraordinarily high, someone vents and says or does something regrettable. You don't mean to and the moment your anger subsides, you want to recall your actions; but all is not loss.


Couples can learn to respond positively to the pressures brought on by ordinary living and keep it from threatening their marriage. Although stress levels will escalate if it's not properly managed; you have the power, as a couple, to control the situation. Compassion is the key.


Ask your spouse what's causing the upset rather than assume. It's always better to ask; however, if perchance you do know your honey's thoughts, be courteous. Let him/her speak their peace; since, this creates understanding, which can bring you closer together.


The need for compassion would seem most obvious in close interpersonal relationships (friends, family, lovers), but ironically we tend to take advantage of the people we are closest with, and treat them with less respect. 


Avoid Teasinghttp://www.parduephotos.com/stock-photos/4367.jpg

Give old stories a rest.  We all have those funny stories that come out at family gatherings:  "Remember the time Bobby acted like an idiot?  Wasn't that funny?"  Bobby probably doesn't need to be reminded yet again that he behaved with less than stellar intelligence.

We also tend to know our loved ones' weaknesses and insecurities.  Avoid the temptation to tease them about these.

Listen with Attention

Don't disregard advice or what someone is saying just because you know them well.

Respect Boundaries

If John says "no" to attending an event, don't guilt, cajole, harangue, or otherwise manipulate him into going.  

Honor Promises and Obligations, Be Punctual

If you say you're going to do something (make a call, take out the garbage, etc.), do it. 

Also, respect other people's time schedules by showing up at the agreed upon time.  Tardiness discounts the importance of somebody else's time.

Be Truthful

Dishonesty is one of the easiest ways to damage a relationship. Practice being factually truthful, but also being emotionally truthful.  That means, if you don't want to do something (and it's not necessary that it get done by you), say so.  Don't agree to something and then feel resentful about having to do it.  


How to Show Your Wife or Husband That You Truly Love Them

In the excitement of a new romance, it seems easy and natural to communicate your love for the other person. After marriage, however, many couples settle into a routine in which one or both partners feel as though they are taken for granted. Don't let another day go by without reinforcing your love for your spouse. Follow these steps to show your partner how much you really love them.
  1. Remember, love is an act of the will, not a warm feeling or a clever expression of experience. True love requires you to deny yourself and seek to meet your beloved's needs.
  2. Find out your partner's preferred "Love Language." Do they know you love them when you speak words of love? Or maybe they feel loved by your acts of service? Some people feel loved by receiving little gifts, and others by loving touches. Real love is not based on your preference but your partner's.
  3. Speak your love. Clear communication will let your partner know how much you love them. Speaking from your experience is a way of sharing yourself so that your partner can hear it. You might say, "My heart expands when you walk into the room" or "I think about you throughout my day, and each time I do, I smile." Say whatever is true. Remember that actions often speak louder than words; don't just say something, do something.
  4. Show your love through your actions, such as drawing a bath, giving a massage, doing the dishes, or writing a poem. Choose an action that you know your partner will appreciate. Remember, denying yourself never means doing things begrudgingly. If you communicate the desire not to do something loving, you may as well not be doing it.
  5. Spend time being present with your partner. (This is often the least used, but the most powerful form of loving.) Turn off the phone, the TV, computer, and the radio and sit together allowing yourselves to experience each other. Being present with your husband or wife obviously provides the opportunity to serve him or her, so be available to love your spouse.
  6. Speak the truth. Telling your partner the truth is a loving thing to do because it shows trust and respect. The truth doesn't have to be positive to be meaningful. It just needs to be true. Show your spouse unconditional love, but not unconditional acceptance. Don't be caught up into the cultural notion that to love is to never seek to help someone better himself or herself. Use gracious words to point out your spouse's weaknesses and offer constructive suggestions on how to improve these things. Always be willing to accept correction from your spouse too.

 

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In the excitement of a new romance, it seems easy and natural to communicate your love for the other person. After marriage, however, many couples settle into a routine in which one or both partners feel as though they are taken for granted. Don’t let another day go by without reinforcing your love for your spouse. Follow these steps to show your partner how much you really love them.

Steps
  1. Remember, love is an act of the will, not a warm feeling or a clever expression of experience. True love requires you to deny yourself and seek to meet your beloved’s needs. 
  2. Find out your partner’s preferred “Love Language.” Do they know you love them when you speak words of love? Or maybe they feel loved by your acts of service? Some people feel loved by receiving little gifts, and others by loving touches. Real love is not based on your preference but your partner’s. 
  3. Speak your love. Clear communication will let your partner know how much you love them. Speaking from your experience is a way of sharing yourself so that your partner can hear it. You might say, “My heart expands when you walk into the room” or “I think about you throughout my day, and each time I do, I smile.” Say whatever is true. Remember that actions often speak louder than words; don’t just say something, do something. 
  4. Show your love through your actions, such as drawing a bath, giving a massage, doing the dishes, or writing a poem. Choose an action that you know your partner will appreciate. Remember, denying yourself never means doing things begrudgingly. If you communicate the desire not to do something loving, you may as well not be doing it. 
  5. Spend time being present with your partner. (This is often the least used, but the most powerful form of loving.) Turn off the phone, the TV, computer, and the radio and sit together allowing yourselves to experience each other. Being present with your husband or wife obviously provides the opportunity to serve him or her, so be available to love your spouse. 
  6. Speak the truth. Telling your partner the truth is a loving thing to do because it shows trust and respect. The truth doesn’t have to be positive to be meaningful. It just needs to be true. Show your spouse unconditional love, but not unconditional acceptance. Don’t be caught up into the cultural notion that to love is to never seek to help someone better himself or herself. Use gracious words to point out your spouse’s weaknesses and offer constructive suggestions on how to improve these things. Always be willing to accept correction from your spouse too. 

Tips

  • You can make mistakes in loving-which is why forgiveness is such a vital part of your loving actions toward your spouse. If you are forgiving, you are more likely to be forgiven. 
  • Take your partner out to different places such as out for dinners, movies, or vacation. 
  • Remember, service and love are inherently connected. Whatever you know your partners needs, that is what you should be doing to love him or her. The moment you start insisting on your way or doing what you want, you have stopped loving your spouse.

Warnings

  • If you want to have a healthy relationship, discover more ways to express your love. Use warmth, kindness, compassion, humour, presence, truthfulness, sharing, and seksiness. Open up your senses for fun and your communication strategies for success by using principles of reciprocity, compassion, and equanimity. Always be courteous, fair, and truthful, and the interaction with your partner will flourish. 
  • To have staying power and build a healthy relationship, stay present to your connection to your loved one. Be creative and discover love together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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