Should My Girlfriend Change For Me?
It’s a classic tale. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy shares one of his biggest interests with Girl and is stoked when Girl reveals that she loves said interest too. Boy is happy. Cut to six months later. Girl isn't as into the "shared" interest anymore. Boy is sad.
This scenario has happened to every guy at least once in his dating career and probably leaves him befuddled every single time. Chances are the girl has faked or "exaggerated" (girl term for faked) her interest in your hobby to pique your interest in her. And there's even more of a chance that you were so stoked to meet a girl who was into MMA that you failed to even consider the possibility that she was trying to change herself for you. Well, open those eyes, buddy, because here's how your obliviousness can ruin your relationship.
The passion attraction
It’s no secret that a guy is hot when he’s passionate about something. For some girls, your passion for a subject is intoxicating enough to want to know every detail about it. She’s head over heels for you and you’re head over heels for fishing, so why wouldn’t she want to throw on her galoshes, hop into your rowboat and act like worms don’t freak her out? But unlike real passions, which can last for a lifetime, borrowed passions last about 6 months. After the brand new luster wears off your relationship, she may start to think of your passion as more of a nerdy obsession and will participate in it less and less.
New interests fall by the wayside
Part of the fun of being in a new couple is sharing individual interests and discovering new ones together. Your knowledge of literature might not extend past the back of your cereal box, but if she's an avid reader, it could push you into reading one of her favorite novels. Opposite interests drive us to make an effort to learn something new, so if you assume from the start that she loves everything you love, you’ll miss out on growing together. Things can get stale pretty quickly without the desire to experience new things.
When you're single, you've got all the time in the world to devote to your own passions. You feel like spending all day watching slasher movies? Go ahead! Want to go to the batting cages for hours every weekend? More power to you! But a new relationship takes time away from those hobbies -- and that's usually a welcome thing because you like the girl and want to spend more time with her. But when she seems like the number one cheerleader for your time-consuming passion, you’ll become consumed with it at her expense. Eventually, she’ll retract all the enthusiasm, she used to have for your interest, and you’ll continue to revel in it because you assume you have her blessing to do so. Cue resentment and fights!
She's not your buddy
When you met her she was the coolest chick ever. She was into sports, staying in on the weekends and loved throwing beers back with your buddies. Your friends loved her, and you were just stoked to be with such a laid-back chick who was totally “one of the guys.” But she’s not. No girl that you’re dating is ever really going to be “one of the guys.” She may still like sports and beer, but she probably played up her enthusiasm for them to attract. Now that your relationship is full steam ahead, she wants to be treated like your girlfriend, not your friend.
Has she lost more than her interest in your hobby?
Most guys have no clue why any girl would pretend to like something she has no actual interest in. After all, you're not running out to go to her pottery classes. Whether it's because most guys have more self-confidence than girls or because girls are more open to new experiences, the important thing is to be aware of is this freaky female trait and to avoid getting caught up in her exaggerated enthusiasm for your passions. Already dealing with the situation? Investigate what the loss of her interest in your interest has left in its wake. Is she still passionate about you and more comfortable with being herself and expressing all her likes and dislikes? Or has the girl transformed into a she-devil now that she thinks you're in her talons permanently? Different passions make a relationship interesting, but a girl who begins to resent your interests is just annoying and should be tossed to the curb so she can begin her transformation into another unfortunate guy's ideal. There’s a bright side to all this: Now you have all the time in the world to concentrate on your fantasy baseball league!
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