Having a high self esteem within a relationship is a key factor to ensure that the bond between the partners is enhanced on a long term basis. The very nature of relationships is such that it must be able to bring out the best in you and your partner. The many challenges of modern day life however, often results in a total lack of focus and couples then resort to negative escape mechanisms like drugs, alcohol and extra marital affairs.
Most of the self esteem issues within relationships that you are in, can either make you feel better or worse about yourself. It does not matter whether you are in a marriage or just in love. Everyone would like to hold their head up high and feel on top of the world, but unfortunately that doesn’t always happen. If you feel that you are “losing it” maybe consider the following;
- Try to find out the reason for the difficulties in your relationship. Was it caused by the problems between the two of you, or is it due to problems that originated earlier on either in your life or your partner's life? It can be both exhausting and time consuming to try and find the root cause of the matter. Make it your business to find out, because failing to do so will just have further negative effects on your self esteem.
- Make a concerted effort to try and remedy the relationship that you are in, so that you and your partner can mutually assist each other to overcome the challenges. There are a good few options to consider, including self help books, discussion groups or ultimately some professional help from a counselor. Mutual high self esteem can also be further cultivated by doing things together and not in isolation, tapping into each others strengths, and thereby even reaching an earlier solution than anticipated.
- Never allow yourself to be criticized, or adopt a “victim mentality” and feel as if the whole world, including your partner is against you. Even worse is to criticize the one you love, as this will most definitely not be constructive criticism. All that this will do is to make the one feel less empowered than the other. It is then used as a manipulation tool, much in the same way as a spouse abuser does. Relationships should not be about power struggles, war games or personal vendettas, as this will not add any long term value at all.
Conflict within any situation can sometimes be a good thing, as long as the partners can learn from it and move on. If the conflict is not resolved however, it will affect everything from self esteem to having the basic respect for each other. There is no doubt that effective communication also plays a meaningful role. In this respect, try talking things through and instead of pointing fingers at one another, focus on solutions.
A high self esteem within a relationship will help to improve your self image and overcome most of those things that are holding you back from living to your full potential.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA