Remain Content In Your Marriage

Published on by CMe

 

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Remain Content In Your Marriage

 
 
   

Marriage ... some people desire it...others have it...some despise it, but a lucky few appreciate it. By the end of this article, I hope to have imparted to you just how easy it is to remain at peace, and most of all, HAPPY in even a 25 year old relationship or marriage

  1. Have you ever heard the saying: Whatever you did to catch your significant other's attention, that's what it's going to take to keep their attention? Well, that's true...if you were a great cook before you were hearing wedding bells, well, that's going to be expected after. If she was "high maintenance" when you met her, chances are, her tastes will not change after the ceremony. So don't fool yourself into thinking that just because you "got the girl" or ladies, "you got ya man" that they will magically become different people. Sorry hate to be the bearer or bad news, but, they won't. So, enjoy one another and when I say that, what I mean is, spoil each other.

  2. Now, some people seem to think that marriage is all about sex (all the time). Okay ... yeah ... once again, it's not. Marriage is about mutual respect for one another, honesty, understanding, care, and kindness. The time we spend with one another either tears us apart and reveals that the "love" we thought we had, was not as strong as we believed it was, or it brings us closer together, and allows us to grow as one in perfect harmony, like a flower in full bloom at springtime. It is our choice. We must remember that we are in control of our relationships and marriages, and not the other way around.

  3. On my wedding day, my favorite aunt came up to me and said "Life is what you make it. Every choice is yours. Your marriage will be whatever you allow it to become. The choice is yours." I took those words to heart, and till this day, I live by that quote. After every work day, my husband and I sit down, no matter how late it is, and pour our hearts out to each other. We have laughed together, we've cried together, our joys and our sorrows, we've shared together. I have never loved a man the way that I love him. He was my first love, and I pray that he will be my last. The point I am trying to make is this. Marriage is a sacred, and beautiful thing. It is only worth the effort and time you put into it. If you do not invest in your relationship, you will get nothing out of it.

This August, my wife, Lisa, and I will have been married for twenty-five years. We lived together for a couple years before we married, so we’ve been together even longer.

Honestly, I love Lisa more now than when we first married, but our marriage has been difficult. We were incompatible when we married. We had numerous power struggles, bad arguments, and major life adjustments. But we gradually learned how to live with each other peacefully and happily.


 


I’ve identified ten principles that have helped our marriage prosper. I’m no marriage expert and I lack research to prove these principles, but I do know what worked for us. My humble hope is that these principles will help you in your marriage or relationship.

  1. Expect cycles. I underestimated the number and severity of emotional cycles we’d experience during marriage. Most of the cycles resulted from some positive (birth of children, vacations, new friendship networks) or negative (illness, death of close relatives, accidents, job loss) event. A single cycle can last months or years. I learned you need to expect these cycles and work with your spouse to manage them. 

  2. Manage idealized expectations. We all see beautiful romantic relationships in books, movies, and TV shows. Every month, movie studios release another light-hearted, romantic comedy. I wondered why our relationship wasn’t like the relationships in the movies. Similarly, I would unfavorable compare our relationship to what I observed in our friends’ relationships. I stopped comparing when I learned Lisa and I are two unique individuals and, as a result, our relationship is unique. What works for us won’t always work for others and vice versa. 

  3. Give your spouse space to grow. When we first married, my wife was a slightly shy librarian. Within a few years, she was on stage in an amateur bodybuilding contest. This was a shocking change, but I liked it. I learned you never know how your spouse will evolve, but you need to give her space to grow in any direction. If you don’t, she’ll either stop growing or end the relationship. 

  4. Argue respectfully. We had many arguments during our relationship. We would start arguing about one thing and then escalate into everything. It was very destructive and would end in name calling and expletives. We eventually learned to argue respectfully. We still have occasional arguments, but we limit the scope to one issue and remain calm. 

  5. Let go of control. Earlier in our relationship, I wanted to control everything: money, activities, problem solving, and so on. Lisa was often tolerant, but we’d both struggle for power and control. I eventually learned let go and trust her judgment. As a result, I’m happier and our relationship is better. 

  6. Be committed. There were times when I wanted to divorce. I admit it. In fact, if we hadn’t had children, we probably would’ve divorced. But we went to marriage counseling and stayed committed to each other. I learned no relationship is perfect, but if you keep trying, you can sometimes find a healthy way to make it work. Of course, some relationships are so poisonous it’s better to end them. 

  7. Be forgiving. There are times when my wife did things that hurt me. I know I did things that hurt her. There’s no way to avoid hurting each other when you’re in a long-term relationship. Eventually, we learned to forgive each other. I also learned to distinguish between when she hurt me intentionally or inadvertently. She usually hurt me inadvertently, so I easily forgave. Of course, there are some boundaries that once crossed shouldn’t be forgiven. Each person has to define that boundary and leave the relationship if it’s crossed. 

  8. Be present. I learned to be more observant and present with Lisa which improves communication. We can often communicate with a look or small gesture. 

  9. Be kind. I think of Lisa as a very close friend and I try to treat her as such. I try to be kind when she’s hurt or upset. Sometimes I play coach to help her gain perspective in a difficult situation. Being kind doesn’t mean I’m always nice. Sometimes I confront Lisa about things if I think it’s in her own best interest. 

  10. Be helpful. I learned to be helpful when my wife is struggling with something. I’m still less helpful than I should be, but I try. Also, I learned that HOW I’m helpful is as important as being helpful. If I have a good attitude about helping, our interaction is much smoother. 

Looking at this list, I realized many of the principles are also principles that make you a happier person. And I’m a happier person than when we first married. I believe as you become a happier person, your relationships with others becomes easier and more satisfying.

 

What has or hasn’t worked in your relationship or marriage?

Romance for busy couples
Tips for busy couples to keep romance alive!
Life is often too hectic to enjoy it as much you would like. Many couples are so busy trying to meet tight deadlines at work and run a thousand errands that their love life has to take a back seat. Romance is an important ingredient in the recipe of happiness though, so finding ways to keep it alive is essential.
http://tinyurl.com/yksnoca
Romance for busy couples
  1. Add romance to your priority list

    Instead of waiting to finish all your tasks to focus on your love life, add romance to your priority list. Your grandmother who always counts on you to keep her company should be encouraged to take up hobbies or seek the company of other relatives except yours. The lonely neighbour who gets along famously with kids can babysit your own kids every Friday night, so that you and your partner can spend some quality time together. Avoid accepting extra assignments at work, as this will lead to working overtime on a regular basis.Waking up an hour earlier every day will give you and your partner the opportunity to enjoy a nice breakfast at the balcony watching the sunrise or simply admiring the beauty of nature together. Devoting time to your romantic relationship is as important as everything else in your life and you owe it to yourself and your partner to nourish and cherish constantly what you have built together.
  2. Be creative

    Letting your creativity flourish is a great way to refresh a stale romantic relationship and bring passion back into your life. Arrange romantic getaways, experiment with new provocative clothes, enroll in dance classes together, leave love notes for each other in every room of the house, steal a few minutes even on a extremely busy day to tell each other '' i love you''. Living a busy life means that quality will be more important than quantity when it comes to your love life, so you have to make sure that every moment will be special and intense.
  3. Hang out with other couples

    Hanging out with other couples can be a helpful guide on what you should and should not do while being in a romantic relationship. While every romantic relationship is unique, carefully observing the way other couples interact can help you understand a lot of things about your own romantic relationship and save time and energy at the same time. Furthermore, hanging out with other couples is a great way to be encouraged to spend time with your own partner as well. If you know that you will go out for dinner with a married couple you will definitely not want to join them alone, as you will be feeling extremely uncomfortable. For busy couples who struggle to find some free time to spend together, this is a great way to ensure they will not miss out on opportunities presenting themselves.
  4. Cherish the simple things

    Since busy couples do not have much free time to devote to their relationship, learning to cherish the simple things will add a flavor of joy in their everyday life. Walking the dogs, go shopping or enjoy a nice hot cup of coffee or tea together while discussing about your plans for the day will come a long way.

Romance for busy couples is a difficult but manageable goal provided that both parties will be equally willing to find ways to spend quality time together on a regular basis.

 

 


http://tinyurl.com/yg8qvcaRemain Married Even in Difficult Situations

You can make your marriage work regardless to statistics. It is possible to be marriage and stayed married.
  1. Pray each day to receive guidance in your marriage. Be sure to check yourself to see if there are things that you need to work through.

  2. Involve your mate in your daily routine. Ask for advise on a whatever your are working on. Make sure to ask them simple questions that you are sure they are well versed in.

  3. Make your mate welcome when they arrive in your presents. Always ask how their day went. If they had a bad day. Tell them to have a seat for a few minutes to unwind.

  4. Find one friend that you can bounce suggestions and ideas to each other about healthy relationship. Find time to meditate.

  5. Be careful to not dump off the concerns and disappointments with the world unto your mate.

  6. Find ways to make them need, desire, and want you. Make the relationship meaningful. With a kind word, a kind gesture. Be Good to one another.

Things You'll Need:

  • Wake up each morning, and say to yourself I shall and will remain faithful to my marriage 

  • I will grow with my mate. I will encourage them to want me. 

  • I will make it plain that I love them because we took these vows to stay together. 

  • Whatever happen this problem is not be big that we can't work on it together. 

  • We grow in love and we can maintain a healthy happy relationship. 

  • Finally - Love yourself first and I promise that type of love is transparent and contagious 


 

 

 

 

 


Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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Comment on this post

simondisciple 02/14/2010 23:52


As we mature... God will teach us to forgive constantly, even instantly. But it's a learning process, so don't take on a guilt trip if you cannot do it now! Fall on God's grace to forgive. God can
work with that. Jesus Christ showed that forgiveness can be immediate by forgiving those who were crucifying him on the cross. Visit http://simon.weston.over-blog.net/


Help Save Marriage 02/11/2010 19:23


Honestly, that is the most complete article I have read on marriage guidance - great job! I can relate to this article as I have been married for about the same time, 23 years, and my marriage has
had its ups and downs too. It's a pity that other couples with children don't persist with their marriage through the hard times as the majority of them could probably save their marriages -
especially with the information in your article.
All the best,
Mike