Re-Invigorating Your Marriage
I was recently asked how people who have been married for several years or more can enliven their marriages so married life becomes less routine and predictable. Given the fact that my wife and I have been married for 38 years, the question gave me some pause for thought. Of course, to answer the question we must ask another question: why should lose its initial energy, enthusiasm and romance?
- One of the worst things that can happen in a marriage is for two people to begin to take one another for granted. In other words, forgetting the birthday of your spouse, the anniversary of your wedding or to express appreciation of your spouse except for special occasions, can be deadly for a relationship. The pressure of daily work and of making a living often provides just the type of condition to cause people to think that they have no time to think or worry about their spouse.
- When small children are added to the formula, the stress and pressure increase for both husband and wife, adding to stress of the "daily grind." Tiredness, work and responsibility cause many couples to drift apart. Mothers often come to feel that all they do all day long is to work. Their husband comes home and they feel ignored. Husbands often feel ignored by their wives whose attention is drawn to child care. When they walk into the house, they too feel ignored and taken for granted.
- One of the major aspects to suffer under the pressure of work and raising children is the sexual and romantic relationship between husband and wife. This can lead to unfortunate consequences such as wives feeling unattractive because their husbands never approach them or husbands believing their wives no longer desire them because they refuse sex complaining that they are exhausted.
We now return to the original question: how can people reinvigorate their marriages?
There are many thoughtful and, often times, simple things couples can do to refresh their marriage and their sexual and romantic relationship. The following is a list of suggestions not meant to be comprehensive but to stimulate thinking and creativity:
- A small card the inside of which expresses love can be very meaningful and bring a smile of appreciation to a husband or wife.
- A single flower with a card accomplishes the same goal as number 1.
- Setting aside an evening, either during the week or weekend, to go out to a romantic dinner away from the children. Providing childcare or baby sitting will be important to accomplish this goal.
- Planning and preparing a romantic dinner at home, with candle light, wine and soft music can set a tone of love and romance followed by passion. Of course, this is all done after the children are asleep.
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the expert on sexual relationships during the 1980's and nineties, stated in one broadcast that sometimes couples want "quickie and spontaneous sex and other times want slow and romantic sex. She emphasized the importance of people being flexible and open with one another with regard to matters that are sexual and romantic.
The bottom line to all of this is for couples to communicate with one another about how they are feeling, what they are doing and what they would like to do as a couple and as a family. This can be difficult to do with children at home and both parents working. The failure to find time to talk and attend to one another's needs is what often leads to alienation and divorce.
Tips for Invigorating a Dull Sex Life
Even the greatest relationships undergo "dry spells", where the sex isn't as zealous and the romance seems to have lost its sparkle, however don't worry, with time, attempts and the following guidelines, you'll be back on course in no time.
- Be Impulsive
Bear in mind back to those initial few dates, when your stomach was in knots and your heart was agitated...what was different at that time, other than your age? Impulsiveness! When we're young and simply starting out in a relationship, we don't discern what to anticipate or when to anticipate it, however as we clock more relationship hours, we start to fall into a custom that occasionally threaten to extinguish that zealous glow. Even though you've equally got full time occupations, children, a demanding household, there is constantly time to be impulsive. Send your spouse a sexy text or voice message and send the children off to a babysitter ahead of he/she getting home from work, or make a dinner reservation at his/her preferred eatery...food is a huge aphrodisiac!
- Formulate Time
Making time for your spouse is extremely imperative, as we entirely recognize how simple it is to get held up in our personal lives, feelings etc. Attempt to reserve in any case a couple hours a day where you and your spouse can connect, undertaking an activity you equally like, having a great chat, or still watching a film. You'll be amazed what kind of an outcome this additional "intimacy" in your lives has in the bedroom.
This isn't simply for the women, men require romance also! Romance bubbles down to the act of being "unselfish", reflecting your spouse requirements, wants and wishes ahead of you thinking about your own. Certainly, you might not be a huge fan of curling up on the sofa and watching a hired movie, however your spouse is and that is what makes it passionate. Don't disregard the small things, as romance isn't simply concerning flowers and candy, it can be merely as romantic to get home from job and find a tidy house and a spouse waiting on the sofa with some perfumed oil ready to offer you a foot massage.
- Discover What Makes Your Spouse Tick
One of the main criticisms that people have concerning their spouses is that their spouses don't realize how to thrill them, together in the relationship and in the bedroom. Sitting down and having a sincere discussion on the things that you like and dislike concerning your relationship can be the ideal jump-start for a lacking sexual relationship. Pay consideration.
- Don't be terrified to attempt Something New
This doesn't imply that you have to run out to the home Adult toy-store, although that can be fun also, it simply implies that you have to be open to proposals as to things that your spouse might like to attempt. Fantasies are made to be accomplished, and there is no better setting to do this than in an affectionate relationship.
In conclusion, the greatest method to invigorate a boring sex life is just to be open to doing so, remember to concentrate on the things that make your spouse cheerful in life and you will discover that the bedroom will be a happier place!
And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment
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