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Usually my older students, the ones that have been practicing seduction for one or two years and have reasonable success with women, tend to ask me: “Why don’t I have the girl of my dreams in my life yet? It seems as if all the girls in my life have flaws that just make them impossible to date.” Well today, I’ll share with you a little insight about getting the woman of your dreams: If you’re just trying to meet women at random, you’re not going to find the one you’re truly looking for (Well, you might if you’re lucky, but why not just do it the easier way?)
In order to to succeed, you need to take two steps back first. You need to know exactly what kind of woman you want, and before that, you need to know yourself. Without this groundwork, you’ll have a hard time even creating attraction, and once you get a girl, chances are you won’t be happy with her.
Most men will say they know what kind of woman they want, but if you inquire, you’re likely to get a rather vague response: “Well… I want her to be sexy, intelligent and funny.” Right. So why is it that of all the women who share these traits, only a few will be really good matches? What you need is a solid concept about what you want. Here’s where you start:
What makes you UNIQUE? You need to explore yourself, you want to go way beyond your hobbies or everyday life. I know it’s the oldest psycho-trick in the book, but go back to your youth and childhood. Think about what made you tick, who provided the soundtrack to your life, what you loved to play with, which books your mom read to you and what they meant, what the defining moments in your life were. That stuff stays with us! Then, think about peculiarities you have: I, for instance, can wiggle my left nostril – it’s true. Also, look into your future. Where do you want to take your dreams, ambitions, passions? Do that soul-searching for a few days, I promise you’ll come up with amazing things. To help, here’s a list of 81 questions geared towards figuring out who you are.
Write down what you discover about yourself. It will make for some great conversation later on.
Know What Kind of Woman You Want
This is where you work out the specifics. Many women are sexy, intelligent and funny, but that doesn’t necessarily make them appealing to you: so think about what kind of woman you find most attractive.
- How does she dress?
- Is she elegant, sportive, artsy, a rocker chick, a goth, a party girl?
- Which ones of your passions does she share?
- What can she teach you?
- What’s her eye colour? (me, I’m a sucker for dark eyes)
- Does she fall asleep with her favourite cuddly toy in her arms?
- Is she strong and independent?
- Does she smoke?
- Does he have piercings, tattoos?
- What do they mean to her?
- What’s her sexuality?
- What’s her body type?
- What kinds of places does she go to?
- Does she laugh a lot?
- Crack jokes?
- Or is she shy?
- Is she conservative, does she like to play things safe?
- Or is she adventurous?
- Sports or video games?
- Beach or mountain?
- Vanilla or chocolate?
You get the idea, write down everything you can imagine about your ideal woman.
Go and Find Her
Now we’re back where we “started”.
More often than not, a guy will blame himself if a conversation with a beautiful woman goes downhill. While there certainly are ways of avoiding that (read our article “How To Talk to Girls” to learn more), consider that if you don’t get an exciting conversation going with a girl, perhaps it’s just not meant to be. There’s nothing wrong with either of you then. Now that you know who you are and where you’re going, you can be goal-oriented: approach a girl whose appearance and demeanour appeals to you, share something you’re enthusiastic about, see if she picks up on it. Don’t be afraid to test her! If nothing else, she’ll realize you have your act together and know what you want. She’ll sense that you’re not just another guy that aimlessly approaches beauties. That’s a good position to be in!
A final word of caution: when you go get the women you want, make sure you don’t start chasing dreams. You might know now what your perfect woman will be like, but you’re going to run into real-life human beings that aren’t perfect. Approach a girl with your destination in mind, but don’t measure her against your “perfect one”. If you start comparing her to your perfect vision, you’ll end up empty-handed. Just make sure to have a good balance between knowing what you want and accepting her differences. So remember to do the exercises because, once you know exactly who you are and who you’re looking for, you’ll end up finding her.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA