Making a Good First Impression
On a recent Friday night, my pal Erica and I found ourselves at the W in Hoboken, New Jersey. We had crossed the Hudson River in search of love — and in order to attend the world's largest speed dating event, hosted by Purple Lab and Master Matchmaker Steve Ward of VH1's Tough Love. Erica and I asked Steve for some tips before the main event, so that we could make the most of our 3-minute speed dates.
On a 3-minute date, what should women look for?
Hygiene, style, attitude, intelligence, communication skills, and interpersonal skills. That should cover the gamut.
That's a lot! Is it possible for a woman to detect chemistry in 3 minutes, especially if the guy is nervous?
Absolutely, as long as you trust your instincts. There are very few things in this world that are stronger than a woman's intuition. But people don't give themselves enough credit. They draw conclusions about people in the blink of an eye, yet they don't want to trust themselves.
What's the biggest mistake women make when dating?
Complain. It's the biggest turn-off to a man. You can actually walk into a room and be covered in guano and it still won't be as bad as complaining. Women take that for granted; the one thing men want more than anything in a relationship is positivity. Women don't understand that. When you show up late for a date because you couldn't find parking, don't spend the first 15 minutes of the date complaining about what you just had to do to get there. Put it behind you. Say, "Hey! Sorry I'm late, but I'm glad I'm here."
On a date, should we mirror his body language?
No. You're the one selecting, not them. When you go into a speed date, you need to act like they're applying for a position with you; they're applying for a relationship with you. You're not applying for a relationship with them. Women need to take ownership. Women are in complete control until they take their clothes off. Then it's fair game. So enjoy that, embrace it. The fact is, a guy's going to want to sleep with you from the second he sees you. It's up to you to lead him in the direction you want to go.
Is it okay to ask the guys where they're from and what they do?
It's fine! The purpose of the speed date is just to connect with the person. And "What do you do" doesn't necessarily mean, "How much money do you make?" It means, how do you occupy your time? "I'm a student, an artist, I love to play sports." Cool, it sounds like you're doing a lot. If someone goes right into career mode, then clearly that's the only thing you have to hang your hat on..
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