Know What to Expect When You Have an Affair

Published on by CMe

 

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Know What to Expect When You Have an Affair

 
 
   

With so much cheating going on wonder if men and women alike would think twice before they left a husband/wife for someone else if they knew what to truely expect. This article will teach you just that what to expect when you leave a spouse for someone else...might wanna think twice!

  1. Before you make the devastating decision to leave your marriage there's a few things to know. First and foremost child support to one or more ex spouses. This in itself should deter you or at least make you think twice. Evaluate the financial cost of leaving!

  2. Do you enjoy a lot of feuding going on? This may undoubtedly happen between your wife/husband and the person you are longing to leave your family for. Not to mention your new relationship let's not forget their ex' s who may decide to join in. So obviously #2 is lots of FEUDING.Kinda takes the romance out of any relationship don't you think?

  3. Let's do a recap. ..#1 Added financial stress #2Feuding and now let's move on to #3 you may or may not be able to see your children that often depending on the distance factor in fact your new relationship may have children of their own and you may end up raising another mans children.

  4. Is the grass really seeming that much greener on the other side? You've got Financial stress of supporting more than one family, You've got feuding on all sides, Possibly raising another man/woman’s children when you don't get to see yours that often. Does this all really sound worth leaving your family for?

  5. The final step to think about is do you really think that when your relationship your desiring to be in knows that you are married with children but that doesn't stop him/her from pursuing you...exactly what makes you think that they won't have affairs once you are married as well? It's really something worth thinking about don't you think? At least after reading this article you should undoubtedly know what to expect when you have an affair

http://tinyurl.com/yj54pc4Get Your Spouse to Stay Home With You More Often
No matter what you do, you just can't talk him into staying home with you on the weekends? Here are some tips that may work!

  1. This will take a little planning and a little effort but it works! First, take your shower and put on a nice outfit BEFORE your partner leaves. Where you going hon? Nowhere dear. I just feel like wearing this. Next, NO asking them to stay home this time! Be sure to just smile and bid him or her goodbye as they leave out. Gone? Now! Let's get back to work!

  2. Put your SHOES, at the front door as if you have just returned home! Lay your jacket across the arm of the sofa or somewhere as if it just came off also! If you are the female, you can drop your purse there also! Do you have any empty wine bottles, beer, or spirits containers? Get one but not all of those unless you are using beer cans and set it or two or them out on a table, empty of course! If you wish to be a little more mysterious, and you are sure he or she will notice, you can place the empty on top in the garbage container instead! Place an empty glass or two in the sink or on a table to make it look as if you have company while the spouse was away.

  3. Do you have any cards? You might consider laying out a deck to look as if the game was played but is now over and you just haven't had time to put those away yet! The entire purpose of doing these things is to make it appear as if you have left the house and returned and that you may have had company in for even just a little while!

  4. Time for the spouse to return home? Oh wow. You're already back? Where does the time go? No, I haven't been anywhere. No, no visitors have been here. Those are my glasses. Make it look like a cover-up. You should not have to do this more than twice before that spouse is going to be wondering just what you are doing when they are away! That alone, should be enough to make them think twice about perhaps staying home instead of leaving and having to wonder what you have been up to! I know this all sounds insane but hey, it worked for my great grandmother and it worked for me once also! He was so curious as to why I seemed to not mind his leaving that he decided he best just stay home with me! A dirty trick yes, but we have to go to extremes sometimes don't we? Do not try this on a jealous spouse with a bad temper please. Some of them just don't play fair and you could do more damage than it is worth!

 


Fix a Marriage After Betrayal
Fixing a marriage after betrayal is not going to be easy. It will take a lot of effort by both parties, patience and possibly even professional intervention. When the bonds of trust have been broken, repairing them is essential to fixing a marriage. If both parties are willing and able to work on the marriage, it is possible the marriage can be saved.

  1. Have a discussion of truth. Simply put, sit down at home when it is just the two of you, and put everything out in the open. This is confession time, and this is also the time for both of you to listen to one another. Set a timer to allow equal time for both of you to speak and listen if necessary. If one person dominates the discussion, the other may feel less important.

  2. Set aside a daily time to be together. For some busy couples and families, this may seem impossible, but surely there is five minutes you can plan on "couples time". It doesn't matter what time of day; it only matters that it is you and your marriage partner alone and together.

  3. Consult a professional marriage counselor to inquire about services and if they are willing and able to help you. To fix a marriage after betrayal, it is common to enlist the help of a professional. Remember, professionals are trained to assist and help you work through the emotional issues of both marriage and betrayal.

  4. Create a daily jar of love for each of you. In this jar, each of you writes down several things that you would like to see your partner do for one day. Fold this slip of paper in half and put in the jar. Every morning, each of you draws one from your partner's jar and follows through. Examples of daily activities may be frequent hugs, favorite flowers, love poems or letter, household chore or anything else that if your spouse did, you would feel that they did it for you out of love.

  5. Renew your vows. From this point on, each of you will vow to be faithful. Look at this as a new beginning. If possible, plan a mini-honeymoon following the vow renewal to make it seem more like a new marriage. A getaway in your hometown can be just as effective as a trip to Hawaii.

 


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Re-Establish Trust in a Relationship
Infidelity is the most common reason a partner needs to re-establish trust in a relationship. The truth is it may take time for your partner to learn to trust you again. What you did was heartbreaking, and although he or she may forgive you for your mistake, they'll never forget it. On a positive note, Infidelity Facts reports that 31 percent of marriages continued after the partner revealed the infidelity. 

If you're truly sorry and willing to remain consistent, here are a few tips to help you rebuild your relationship:

  1. End the relationship and all contact with the other lover immediately.

  2. Communicate with your partner. Sit down and let him know why you strayed, but don't place all the blame on your partner. In fact, place as little blame on your partner as possible. Also let your partner know how the two of you can work together to recreate what you once had.

  3. Seek help from a counselor. I know, you may not agree with sharing your personal life with a complete stranger, but talking to a counselor really can help both you and your partner. You also need to be the one to suggest that the two of you see a counselor, because this will show your partner you're willing to try.

  4. Spend more quality time with your partner.

  5. Pray for guidance from our heavenly father. The Lord forgives as well, and if you have faith and pray from your heart, He will help you re-establish trust in your relationship and resist the temptation to stray again.

It's not going to be easy to earn your partner's trust again, but if you commit yourself to the steps above, you'll rebuild your relationship a little at a time.

 

 


How to End an Emotional Affair
There is no glory in cheating. If you are feeling regretful and want to end it, then this is the time to do it. If the relationship was strictly physical, then leaving may not be as difficult as an emotional bond. When you have bonded with someone on an emotional level you will find that the work is harder. Do not give up, just keep pushing forward and soon you will be on a successful path. For whatever reason, you must first determine that the relationship is unhealthy and that you want to change. You will either move on alone in life, or with your current spouse. The goal is to end the emotional affair.

  1. After you decided that you would like to end an emotion affair, you must do damage control. It is time to delete, trash, and destroy all traces of the affair. You will need to get rid of all papers, pictures, receipts, gifts and anything that can connect you to your affair. You do not need or want reminders pulling you back in. Keep your distance. Do not return calls or messages. You are in busy mode now, and you do not want to raise flags while you start to clean up all the messes you made. Once the other person realizes that you are ending the relationship, this will cause distractions. Work fast on your damage control, if you have to speak, keep the conversation brief. Keep your eyes on your goal.

  2. Now it is time to tell the other person it is over. Expect to be torn; the other person may not feel that the relationship needs to come to an end. Do not let that hinder you in your desire to end this. Be strong and make sure that you do not repeat yourself or come into an argument over the situation. Just explain that YOU are the problem, and that by leaving the relationship YOU will feel better. Do not show weakness. Do not blame, just leave it at that. Do not give the person a sense of hope that you will change your mind. Now end the conversation and get away.

  3. You must create distance. Expect this to be somewhat hard even if he/she is not calling. The person is still in your mind. Change your email address that they have for you, change the phone number that they have for you if that is possible, do not answer calls or messages no matter what; you must let this person go on to build bonds with others. You cannot be the person he/she goes to. You are on a path of recovery. Find every way you can to break away from this person. Delete them from your social network and do not let them come in as "a friend" and do not let yourself be tempted to view their social networking page. The first few weeks are the hardest. Expect that and keep moving forward. You must stay on your mission and keep focused on your goal.

  4. Talk to a close friend or someone you trust. Explain what has happened and why you have changed, if you are still having trouble. Be careful with who you choose to trust. Each person who knows creates a new web, and maybe they are better off not knowing. Believe in your decision and slowly move yourself in a directing that bring forth better growth. Do not beat yourself up. This serves no purpose. Understand that the best place to be is not in the past, but looking forward at a rewarding future of self growth and maturity. It is at this time your heart will want you to open up to your spouse about what has happened. Think before you do that. You will cause more pain and new level of work. For some people they do fine with this, for others it will destroy a marriage. You must have an understanding as to why you did what you did, and that will only come several months down the road. You will know when the person is no longer in your life and you have found that bond you thought could not be broken is gone. It is broken when you are happy and secure in yourself, and the life you have with your family. If you let the person back into your life, you can expect a longer recovery time and more pain to follow. That is what you want to avoid.

  5. Watch movies that will help you move on. Fatal Attraction and Unfaithful are great ones. Self help books are also great resources. If you feel that you still need help, make sure you talk to therapist. There is no shame is seeking help. If you decide to open up to your spouse, expect and be willing to do a lot more work. Know that what you hoped to save could be lost, or it could be turned into a stronger union. Be honest and decided what you want, then do it.

  6. If your wife finds out on her own or if the person you want to end the emotional affair refuses to go away, then you must be direct and honest with your spouse. Together you must decide how to handle the situation and where the road will lead you both. Again, if you cannot manage things get some professional help. Many people get better, because of the help they received. You will know what you need to do.

  7. You now have the rest of your life to enjoy. Your path is brighter now, and your goal is complete.

http://tinyurl.com/yksnocaGet Over Jealousy After an Emotional Affair
Although feeling jealous after an emotional affair is normal and common, it can be difficult to move on, both personally and in your relationship. After your partner has admitted to the emotional affair, attempt to look at the situation rationally and figure out what steps you must take to repair the damage caused by the emotional infidelity. Since both emotional and physical affairs are usually the symptom of a greater problem in the relationship, take the time to evaluate what led up to your partner's emotional infidelity and assess whether the relationship is salvageable.

  1. Discuss the situation with your partner. Talk to your partner about what led up to the emotional affair and what each of you needs from the relationship in order to feel fulfilled. Acknowledge that you are feeling jealous and let your partner know what you need to feel secure in the relationship.

  2. Seek the assistance of a couple's counselor. Having a third-party mediate your discussion can help you avoid arguments and keep the focus on repairing your relationship and rebuilding your confidence.

  3. Assess whether you and your partner can fix the relationship. Partners may involve themselves in affairs because they are not feeling emotionally fulfilled. If you discover that you and your partner are not able to meet each other's psychological needs, consider moving on so that you can both focus on taking care of your emotional well-being.

  4. Nurture your self-esteem. Because jealousy frequently stems from worries about personal inadequacy, take part in activities that make you feel good about yourself as a person and a partner.

  5. Practice forgiveness. Although it will be difficult to let go of your feelings of anger, inadequacy and helplessness, attempt to let go of the affair and focus your energy on strengthening your relationship and self-esteem.


 


Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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Comment on this post

cheating boyfriend 02/10/2010 00:43


I don't think you can ever over come infidelity. That trust factor is broken forever. The only way you could possibly get over it is if you could truly forgive the other person, but you can't, you
just can't. Just my thoughts.