Know About Your Partner Before Marriage

Published on by CMe



Know About Your Partner Before Marriage


How to Be Cautious On a First Date

  1. Online dating - advertising for companionship - myspace sources- newspaper ads. Its so easy to find a date now a days. Looking for that special someone to marry. BEWARE folks because that one date could be your last date.

  2. First of all before trying to meet someone whether its someone you met at the grocery store or online, do your research. There are so many people looking for all the wrong things. Put on your thinking cap and put your heart on hold. Know that this is a dangerous world we live in.

  3. Please I encourage you to tell a family member or a few friends or your only friend what you are about to do. Meeting a complete stranger a person you just met. Do not rely on your date to answer all of your questions honestly. Find out if he drives. If he does than get the license plate. Keep the phone number or website you have from him.

  4. On your first date together please try not to drink or get high because you want to be able to think straight. If he wants to take you to an unfamiliar place tell him you'd rather go somewhere that is familiar to you. Instead of him picking you up at home why don't you meet him at the destination.

  5. If you are really attracted to him hold on to your horses and still protect yourself, looks can be deceiving.

  6. Always have a cell phone handy with you and have some important numbers on speed dial mode just in case of an emergency. Ladies make sure that you have some cash on hand if you cant get a friend or family member to pick you up.

  7. Make sure that there are people always around you when on your first date. i know that this may sound a bit too much to some of you but believe me you are worth it. Hope it works out for you, this just may be the man of your dreams. All I recommend is that you play it safe until you are sure. good luck keep me posted to Know About Your Partner Before Marriage
When we fall in love with someone, it is so easy to miss certain things even as we think that we are getting to know them inside and out. What we may forget is that, just like we ourselves are, this person is more than likely on their very best behavior as they are attempting to capture our hearts. They aren't necessarily being dishonest, or trying to portray themselves as different than they really are, it is just natural to put our best face forward as we meet someone that we feel is special and we want to share our life with. We are also usually so incredibly happy during this falling in love stage that we really are a bit different than normal. However, we should be cautious that we don't jump into a lifelong commitment before we know enough about our partner. The following are five key areas that we really should explore about the people that we are considering exchanging marital vows with, and we should do so well before the ceremony is set to take place.

  • Family Background
    While there are many people that come out of horrifying childhoods and move on to live quite normal adult lives, there is no one that escapes their childhood without some things that they still have to deal with. We are molded and formed by those growing years and when they are filled with turbulence of one sort or another, there will be consequences that we have to cope with well into adulthood. By learning about the life that our potential partner lived in his or her early years, we will be more equipped to understand who he or she is today and to determine whether we are prepared to live a life with those repercussions of the past.

  • Children
    Children are very important to a marriage, whether that is because they already exist from prior relationships, we come to a decision together not to have any, or we have several that we are going to be raising together. We should discuss openly and honestly what we hope for regarding the expansion of our marriage into a family. How many children do we want? How soon after the marriage do we want to begin having children? If there are already children involved, what is the relationship there and with the other parent? What are each of your beliefs about child-rearing and how will you come to compromises that you can agree on when they aren't quite the same?

  • Finances
    One of the most common issues that people cite while they are in the midst of divorce proceedings are that they have been having financial stress. This may mean that there is a lack of finances or it may mean that the two have very different beliefs on how and when the money should be spent. It is very important to understand how your partner feels about money and how that is going to work for you. If, for instance, you are an avid saver and your partner is a shopaholic, there are going to be some hard feelings that may develop. It is best to understand one another's financial goals and habits ahead of time, so that you can yourselves a lot of upset later on.

  • Level of Activity
    While some people like to be constantly on the go, there are others who prefer to stay home and relax when they get free time. Because most married couples tend to spend much of their extra time together, it is essential that you know what you are getting into as far as the level of activity that your partner regularly enjoys. Don't assume that just because you are both thrilled to try new things and be very active during your dating phase, that this is how it usually is. There is something about falling in love that energizes even the most sedate of people, but that may not be their typical lifestyle at all.

  • Religious Beliefs and Practices
    Faith is very important in people's lives and in the life that they will share with their partner after marriage. Be sure that you understand not only the religious preference of your partner, but also their practices in reference thereof. Are they active in a church and if so, is it the same one that you are involved with? If not, will the two of you be able to come to a compromise on where you will attend services or are you going to do so separately? How will your children be raised regarding faith? These are extremely important things to know beforehand as a person's faith is often the utmost important thing in their entire life. advice do you have for singles who want to build healthy dating relationships?
The principles of loving toughness are the same for those who are single as for those who have been married for decades. There are circumstances, however, that are specific to the courtship period. Let me cite 17 suggestions that will help you avoid the common pitfalls among those who are trying to win the heart of another.

  1. Don't let a relationship move too fast in its infancy. The phrase "too hot not to cool down" has validity. Romantic affairs that begin in a frenzy frequently burn themselves out. Take it one step at a time.

  2. Don't discuss your personal inadequacies and flaws in great detail when the relationship is new. No matter how warm and accepting your friend may be, any great revelation of low self-esteem or embarrassing weaknesses can be fatal when interpersonal "valleys" occur. And they will occur.

  3. Remember that respect precedes love. Build it stone upon stone.

  4. Don't call too often on the phone or give the other person an opportunity to get tired of you.

  5. Don't be too quick to reveal your desire to get married — or that you think you've just found Mr. Wonderful or Miss Marvelous. If your partner has not arrived at the same conclusion, you'll throw him or her into panic.

  6. Most important: Relationships are constantly being tested by cautious lovers who like to nibble at the bait before swallowing the hook. This testing procedure takes many forms, but it usually involves pulling backward from the other person to see what will happen. Perhaps a foolish fight is initiated. Maybe two weeks will pass without a phone call. Or sometimes flirtation occurs with a rival. In each instance, the question being asked is "How important am I to you, and what would you do if you lost me?" An even more basic issue lies below that one. It wants to know "How free am I to leave if I want to?" It is incredibly important in these instances to appear poised, secure, and equally independent. Do not grasp the other person and beg for mercy. Some people remain single throughout life because they cannot resist the temptation to grovel when the test occurs.

  7. Extending the same concept, keep in mind that virtually every dating relationship that continues for a year or more and seems to be moving toward marriage will be given the ultimate test. A breakup will occur, motivated by only one of the lovers. The rejected individual should know that their future together depends on the skill with which he or she handles that crisis. If the hurting individual can remain calm, the next two steps may be reconciliation and marriage. It often happens that way. If not, then no amount of pleading will change anything.

  8. Do not depend entirely upon one another for the satisfaction of every emotional need. Maintain interests and activities outside that romantic relationship, even after marriage.

  9. Guard against selfishness in your love affair. Neither the man nor the woman should do all the giving. I once broke up with a girl because she let me take her to nice places, bring her flowers, buy her lunch, etc. I wanted to do these things but expected her to reciprocate in some way. She didn't.

  10. Beware of blindness to obvious warning signs that tell you that your potential husband or wife is basically disloyal, hateful, spiritually uncommitted, hooked on drugs or alcohol, given to selfishness, etc. Believe me, a bad marriage is far worse than the most lonely instance of singleness.

  11. Beginning early in the dating relationship, treat the other person with respect and expect the same in return. A man should open doors for a woman on a formal evening; a woman should speak respectfully of her escort when in public, etc. If you don't preserve this respectful attitude when the foundations of marriage are being laid, it will be virtually impossible to construct them later.

  12. Do not equate human worth with flawless beauty or handsomeness! If you require physical perfection in your mate, he or she may make the same demands of you. Neither of you will keep it for long. Don't let love escape you because of the false values of your culture.

  13. If genuine love has escaped you thus far, don't begin believing "no one would ever want me." That is a deadly trap that can destroy you emotionally! Millions of people are looking for someone to love. The problem is finding one another!

  14. Regardless of how brilliant the love affair has been, take time to "check your assumptions" with your partner before committing yourself to marriage. It is surprising how often men and women plunge toward matrimony without ever becoming aware of major differences in expectation between them.

  15. Sexual familiarity can be deadly to a relationship. In addition to the many moral, spiritual, and physical reasons for remaining virgins until marriage, there are numerous psychological and interpersonal advantages as well. Though it's an old-fashioned notion, perhaps, it is still true that men do not respect "easy" women and often become bored with those who have held nothing in reserve. Likewise, women often disrespect men who have only one thing on their minds. Both sexes need to remember how to use a very ancient word. It's pronounced "no!"

  16. Country singer Tom T. Hall wrote a song in which he revealed an understanding of the concept we have been describing. His lyric read, "If you hold love too loosely then it flies away; if you hold love too tightly, it'll die. It's one of the mysteries of life."144 Hall's observation is accurate. If the commitment between a man and a woman is given insufficient importance in their lives, it will wither like a plant without water. The whole world knows that much. But fewer lovers seem to realize that extreme dependency can be just as deadly to a love affair. It has been said that the person who needs the other least will normally be in control of the relationship. I believe that to be true.

  17. There is nothing about marriage that eliminates the basic need for freedom and respect in romantic interactions. Keep the mystery and the dignity in your relationship. If the other partner begins to feel trapped and withdraws for a time, grant him or her some space and pull back yourself. Do not build a cage around that person. Instead, release your grip with confidence while never appeasing immorality or destructive behavior.

These are the basics of the "love must be tough" concept. I could list another hundred suggestions, but you get the idea. I Really Trust You?
When it comes to intimate relationships, trust is too often taken for granted. We often make agreements with the ones we love which may include "being there" for each other no matter what, staying faithful to one another, and always trying to deepen our relationship. We trust-- or don't trust-- that these agreements will be honored. However, if you take a clear look at your everyday life with your love, you might begin to wonder if your relationship is really based on a strong sense of trust. Trust might be limited in subtle ways or perhaps more intense ones. It could be that you doubt that your partner will love you if you let your true self be seen. Maybe-- with no proof of it-- you fear that your partner is cheating on you. Or perhaps you regularly expect that your love will not follow through on his or her promises. Regardless of how subtle or intense, weakened or lacking trust will interfere with your relationship being as intimate as it could be. See the similarities with this example... Wall climbing is a popular sport in which the climber ascends a wall which may be 50 ft. up in the air with nothing holding him or her up there except a harness, rope and your climbing partner-- or belayer-- who stands on the ground holding that rope. Let's name our pretend climber Lori. From the top of the wall she gazes down at the ground and might begin to wonder: How sturdy is this rope that is holding me up? Will my belayer prevent me from falling and get me down safely? Despite her love of wall climbing, Lori begins to experience some nervousness and trepidation. Her belayer-- we'll call him Neal-- has to pay attention to what Lori is doing on the wall and adjust the climbing rope accordingly. For her part, Lori has the choice to trust that Neal will gently ease her down the wall to the ground once she's reached the top. If Neal is distracted, it could mean not only a bumpy ride down but also Lori's safety in jeopardy. But Lori could also choose to allow her fears to take over, mistrust Neal, and end up hanging indefinitely on the wall refusing to move! It is literally a leap of faith when she lets go of the holds and allows herself to be lowered down. Climber and belayer must work together, stay present, and communicate clearly so that the climbing experience will be enjoyable and not end up an emergency room visit! There are many parallels with intimate relationships. One or both people may feel vulnerable from time to time and wonder whether or not the other person will be there when needed. The unfortunate result of a lack of trust is that intimacy cannot grow and relationships can become stuck.
These 3 steps can help strengthen trust and intimacy...

  1. Allow yourself to let go of the past. It is not uncommon for the hurt of painful past relationships to leave us resistant to loving or trusting others. Become aware of your present situation and allow yourself to let go of those old hurts. This might mean that you see the ways that the past comes up for you in the present. Breathe and remind yourself to allow the past to go and shift your attention to what's currently going on.
  2. Let your true colors show. No matter what habits, tendencies, or desires we think we need to hide from our partner, find the courage to let every part of yourself show. Intimacy is undercut when we don't trust our partner to love us as we are. Deep down we may not feel lovable as our true selves. Chances are your love will be more accepting than you think. So set an intention to appreciate yourself completely and then allow every part of you to be seen by your partner.
  3. Practice Listening from the Heart and Find Understanding. Just as we saw in the example of the wall climber and belayer, listening to one another is vital to strong intimacy and trust in a love relationship. When a situation comes up that challenges your trust, stop your thoughts and ask your love questions to clarify what seems to be happening. It is highly likely that what you think you are seeing is just not accurate. Open your heart, listen, and really try to understand what is going on for your partner. These 3 steps can help you strengthen trust in your intimate relationship. It starts with letting go, loving yourself, and listening with an open heart.

Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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