Keep The Flames Of Passion Alive

Published on by CMe

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Keep The Flames Of Passion Alive


All couples enter into marriage with the expectation that their passion for each other will endure forever.  We believe the statistic that one out of two marriages in the United States ends up in divorce will not somehow apply to us.  All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases.  Unless you want to be one of the millions of couples who are stuck in leading dull and exciting lives you need to get some solid marriage advice.  You must decide to work on giving your marriage the attention it deserves.  It is possible to keep the flames of passion alive. 

In the beginning, passionate feelings and romantic gestures seemed to flow without much effort.  You probably didn't need much marriage advice.  As time goes on, we settle into routines and many couples forget to do the things that keep their passion alive.  You have to be proactive.  You must make an effort to stay connected.  You must make up your mind that you will love your spouse.  It is not something that is just going to happen. 

If you want to have a passionate relationship then you need to invest your time in your spouse.  I do not believe that we forget how to be passionate towards the one we love.  We just do not make it our priority.

However, in case I need to jog our memory, I suggest you pull out photographs of when you and your spouse first met.  Study your expression.  How did you look at him?  How did you talk to her?  Could you listen to her for hours?  Did you comfort him if he was discouraged?  Remember how you carried yourself.  Remember how you used to drive twenty minutes out of your way to see her for five minutes.  Once you have recaptured these memories then make a commitment to live your today's with your spouse in this same manner. 

Let me share some more marriage advice on how you can keep the flames of passion alive:

  1. Plan a special day together for just the two of you.  Perhaps take a day off work to do so.
  2. Be playful.  Laugh together.
  3. Write a love letter to your spouse.  Make it a little unpredictable.  Say things you might not ordinarily say.
  4. Take walks together.  Consider a walk on a moonlit night.
  5. Take turns initiating affection so that it does not always fall under the responsibility of the same partner.
  6. Go on a picnic.
  7. Go to a romantic restaurant from time to time, not always to a family buffet.
  8. Have candlelight dinners at home.
  9. Watch romantic movies.
  10. Go on a weekend getaway.
  11. Hold hands.
  12. Hold your spouse in such a way that he/she knows you care.
  13. Slow dance to music.
  14. Send your wife flowers for no other reason than to let her know you love her.  (If your wife pays the bills, pay for the flowers at the florist yourself.  Do not let the bill come home for her to have to write a check for her own flowers.

You might say, "But Clyde, we have children and we are constantly on the go."  Here is some marriage advice you can implement:

  1. Make sure the children go to bed at a decent hour so you will have time together alone.
  2. If you have teenagers, plan Saturday morning dates when they tend to sleep in.
  3. A date does not have to mean dinner and a movie.  A date can be anything that gives you an opportunity to concentrate on each other.  From my experience, a standard date night does not work well for couples with children.  
  4. Create a romantic atmosphere in your home.  This may be as simple as lighting candles or dimming the lights.
  5. Always give your spouse a goodbye hug and kiss before leaving in the morning.
  6.  When you return home, always greet your spouse first, even though the children will run to the door first.
  7. Say,  "I love you " often.
  8. Save some of your best self each day for your spouse.  Do not give them the leftovers.
  9. Look at old photographs and reminisce together.
  10. Respect your spouse even when you disagree.  Never belittle your spouse, whether or not others are around.

If you want good health, you must eat right and exercise.  If you want a marriage that embraces passion, you must take the time to enjoy the company of the person you love.  I believe that passion can be recaptured and grow to unimaginable dimensions.  Decide to be a passionate spouse. 

Start today with this marriage advice.....


Passionate Lovemaking
Deep love between a wife and husband is not something that just happens on its own, but rather, it must be fostered, cultivated, and protected. I have seen far too many marriages that have lost the deep intimate love they shared when they first fell in love. What happened? Life happened. Life brings many joys to and many stresses upon a marriage in the years that follow the wedding. If a couple isn't careful, the bonfire of their love begins to slowly die down and eventually becomes a small smoldering pile of coals that will soon lose all their heat and turn cold. Don't let this happen to you and your marriage relationship.

I would like to share with you some wisdom keys that will help you rekindle the fire in your marriage and bring it back to life as a roaring bonfire.

Start thinking of your marriage as a bonfire that needs continual "fuel" to burn bright and strong and long. One definition of a bonfire in the dictionary is this: "A large fire built in the open air for warmth, celebration, or entertainment." You could translate this to say that your marriage is a large fire of emotional, sexual, and spiritual intimacy built in the open air of love, respect, and service for the warmth and celebration and entertainment of the union of the husband and wife.

Now, think about what kind of "fuel" a bonfire needs to stay hot and strong and bright. The two most important ingredients that you need to fuel a fire are plenty of wood (combustible material) and oxygen. In this analogy, I would like to share what I believe are some of the most important ingredients to fueling a healthy and passionate marriage.

Fuel Ingredient #1 - A deep selfless love for your spouse.
By selfless love I mean a heart that puts the needs and desires of the other person first in a way that is the exact opposite of a selfish or self-centered heart. Instead of focusing on yourself and your own needs, you would focus on giving to your spouse and loving them.

Fuel Ingredient #2 - Healthy respect of the husband by the wife and a healthy honor of the wife by the husband.
Husbands are designed by God to need the respect of their wives in order to be the loving husband they want to be. In a similar way, wives were created to need the honor of their husbands in order for them to be fulfilled in the marriage. I encourage you to evaluate the attitude of your heart towards your spouse and make the necessary adjustments to add more fuel to the fire of your marriage.

Fuel Ingredient #3 - Meeting the emotional needs of your spouse first, and then their sexual needs.
This is where a lot of marriage relationships break down because each person is focused on trying to get their own needs met by manipulating their spouse in one way or another. I have been guilty of this numerous times. When I finally come to my senses and evaluate what's going on, I often realize that I have been selfish, self-centered, and primarily focused on meeting my own emotional needs rather than the needs of my spouse. Naturally this leads to conflict, neglect of fundamental emotional needs, hurt, and separation.

As a husband, I've learned that if I want to have a deep, loving, passionate time of lovemaking with my wife in the evening, then I first need to prioritize some time to sit down and talk with her and meet her emotional needs of loving conversation and affection. She needs me to look into her eyes with interest in who she is and how her day was and how she is feeling about her life, our family, our marriage relationship, her interests, etc. She needs to connect to me emotionally before she is ever able to really connect to me physically and sexually.

With children in the house, it's often nearly impossible to connect emotionally through loving conversation while the kids are awake and constantly interrupting. Therefore, we've agreed to prioritize spending some quality time together after the kids go to bed and after we've taken care of the day's duties. For us, this means that every night at 9:30 pm we meet together for an hour of quality shared time in order to meet each other's emotional and physical needs. We use the first 30 minutes to just sit and talk about the day, our feelings about things, etc. This time of personal conversation is when I seek to really listen to my wife and let her express her feelings. Of course, she also wants to hear my feelings about things, so I make it a point to open up and share my emotions with her. We've found that after half an hour of emotionally meeting each other's needs through loving attentive conversation and light affectionate touch, we are then ready to meet each other's sexual needs and desires.

I believe that these three ingredients are the fuel that every marriage needs to get the fire going and to keep it going from day to day.

I encourage you to sit down and make a plan to spend some quality emotional time together each evening, followed by some quality sexual time together. I have noticed that wives tend to need more of the emotional connecting through loving conversation with their husbands, while husbands tend to need more of the emotional connecting through loving and passionate sexual intimacy with their wives. In case you missed it, yes, I did say daily. The emotional needs of each partner need to be met on a daily basis, just as the sexual needs of each partner need to be met each day as well. Emotional connection through daily quality conversation is the wood to the bonfire of your marriage, and sexual connection through daily quality sexual intimacy is the oxygen that is also needed. One without the other will not create a bonfire; you need both working together to fuel the flames. By planning and prioritizing a daily "golden bonfire hour," the wife and the husband can each have their own emotional and sexual needs met, and the result will be a growing bonfire of love.

"Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave;

Its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it..." - Song of Solomon 7:6-7

Solomon Shulamite teaches and writes on the topics of love, marriage, sexuality, intimacy, nutrition, and health. He has done extensive research on these subjects for the past 27 years, and he enjoys sharing his wisdom and findings with others to help them improve their relationships. Solomon is a happily married husband and father, as well as a health educator.

Mr. Shulamite believes that good nutrition is one of the keys to experiencing passionate marital sexual intimacy. Healthy sexual activity requires healthy eating habits because the foods we eat affect our sexual energy and desires. To learn more about the best whole food nutritional supplement that Solomon Shulamite recommends for optimal nutrition, physical health, and sexual vitality, visit the following website.

Show Your Husband You Love Him
There are dozens of articles on the Internet about how to show your husband you love him. Sex is an extremely important aspect of love in marriage. But love in marriage is more than sex; it also includes respect, giving, charity, kindness, and devotion.

  1. Analyze your current sexual situation. How passionate is your marriage sexually on a scale of 1 to 10? How do you think your husband would rate it? This is often hard to know without asking your partner, so ask! Is there room for more enjoyment in this area of your relationship for each of you?
  2. If you have a large desire discrepancy, read some good books on the subject or seek out a marriage or sex therapist. You can accomplish a lot with just reading, and it is a lot less expensive. Here are some books on the subject by various authors: Resurrecting Sex; The Sex-Starved Marriage; Rekindling Desire; The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex; Reclaiming Desire; Full Exposure: Opening Up to Sexual Creativity and Erotic Expression; and The Passionate Marriage.
  3. Make it your private goal to enjoy passionate sex with your husband often. If he would like to have sex four times a week, you will show the most love for him by figuring out a way to have at least that many sexual encounters with him each week. You cannot just do this by determination, if your desire level is lower, but through reading and growing as a person, you can sometimes change your desire level for sex.
  4. Communication is key to learn about your husband's love interests. Communication, of course, is a two-way street. You also need to relate your side of the story and offer ideas to your husband about how he can love you better. A loved-wife is very often a better-loving wife.
  5. Having a passionate and erotic love life does not solve all of a marriage's problems, but it can help avoid some of them and will help your husband feel loved. You want to create a connection sexually that helps make the other problems in your marriage easier to overcome.

Create a Passionate Marriage in the Shower
Before your mind jumps to anything steamy or suggestive, read the entire post.

If your marriage is anything like mine, there are times when passion and creativity wane. My wife and I will be celebrating our 15th anniversary next month. While most of the 15 years have been really good to great, there are times when we would have benefited from a kick in the passionate butt.

There have been many things written and created in the shower. For some people, this is where their best ideas are generated. Maybe it’s because it’s relaxing. Or because if you sing, you sound great. Regardless the reason, the shower could provide a spark of passion for your marriage.

Here are a few ideas how to turn the shower into a marriage energy boost. Feel free to add to this list in the comments below.

  1. Pray. Spend time praying for your marriage. For your spouse. If prayer is not something you do, try meditating. Focus on your role in the marriage.
  2. Declutter and organize your day. While you have some time between the process of lather, rinse, repeat, think through your schedule for the day. Organize your priorities. Eliminate the nonessential tasks in order to free up time with your spouse.
  3. Create a list of everything you love about your spouse. There are many times in marriage where the negative tends to dominate the positive. It is inevitable that when you live with someone else, they will get on your nerves. It is important to take time to focus on the things you love about your spouse. Make a mental list of the things you love about your spouse. During your next shower, try to add more to the list. It will help if you write it down, but wait until you’re out of the shower.
  4. Write a poem or song. Since the shower is usually a place of creativity, turn the mental editor off and write a poem or love song. For some people, this will come easily. For others this would be like scaling Mt. Everest. Try it. See if you can be the next great romantic.
  5. Plan a date or weekend away. This one is pretty much self explanatory. Stretch your thinking to come up with a creative date night. Many years ago, I planned some theme dates. Childish: we ate a Chuck E. Cheese (before we had kids), then went to a park to swing and slide. Western: we ate country food then went horseback riding. Have fun with this. See if you can totally surprise your spouse. In this morning’s shower, I planned a surprise weekend away in the Caribbean. Oops, surprise honey!
  6. Groom yourself to look good for your spouse. This may come as no surprise, but the shower is usually where you go to get clean. Spend some time making yourself presentable for your spouse. My wife likes me to have a stubble free face, I like to have a few days growth, mainly because I’m lazy. Spend some time grooming. Your spouse will notice.
  7. Write a note to your spouse while they’re showering. This idea comes from one of my readers. When your spouse is in the shower, sneak in and write them a little note on the mirror. You can use the fog on the mirror or a dry erase marker. Great idea.
  8. Shower together. Wash each other. Take your time. Then do what comes naturally.

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Comment on this post

Richard Dale 11/25/2010 04:59


Thank God for you outlook on marriage. I believe that what you’re saying works. I been in marriage for 26 years and all the things that you have said I do in my marriage. If people will just take
heart in there marriage and stay focus on the love thing they will make it in there marriage. I always try to understand and never try to be understood. So I find in those 26 years. Keep Your
Marriage Alive and Learn to Recognize the Symptoms of Growing Apart is most important to our marriage.