Is Your Spouse Telling Lies
Here are some reasons your spouse might lie, signs that you are being lied to, and what you can do about it.
Some Reasons People Lie:
- To avoid conflict.
- To supposedly protect someone's feelings.
- To avoid the consequences of their behavior.
- To postpone having to make changes in lifestyle.
- To hide something they did or did not do.
- Because they are afraid of rejection or losing their spouse.
- To be in control of a situation.
- To avoid being embarrassed.
- To make themselves appear more successful, good, or talented than they really are.
You Could Mislabel Behaviors
It is possible to mistake nervousness or distraction for lying with the result of misreading or mislabeling your spouse's behaviors.
Nonverbal clues to lying can be difficult to spot and vary from individual to individual.
The bottom line: If you think your spouse is lying, ask questions and ask for clarification if necessary. Trust your own intuition or that funny feeling you may feel inside.
Possible Signs of Lying:
- Touching chin, or rubbing their brows.
- Crossed arms or legs.
- Playing with hair.
- A line of perspiration on the brow if it isn't a warm day.
- Saying "no" several times.
- Continual denying of accusations.
- Being extremely defensive.
- Providing more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked for.
- Inconsistencies in what is being shared.
- Body language and facial expressions don't match what is being said such as saying "no", but nodding head up and down.
- May place a barrier such as a desk or chair in front of self.
- Uncommon calmness.
- Unwillingness to touch spouse during conversation.
- Being hesitant.
- Slouching posture.
- Rigidity or fidgeting.
- Differing behaviors. Not acting in a usual fashion.
- Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements.
- Partial shrug.
- Lack of finger pointing.
- Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure.
- Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like "um" or "you know".
- Lack of use of contractions. Prefers emphasizing "not" when talking.
- Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you, or turning away from you while they are talking. However, some honesty experts, like Stan Walters, say that measuring eye contact isn't an effective tool in detecting deception.
- Lack of many pronouns while talking.
When to Confront
Some experts believe that when you believe you are being lied to, you shouldn't confront your spouse with your suspicions right away. They recommend waiting until you have discovered more information and facts. Other experts believe that the sooner the cards are all out on the table, and the sooner honesty is lived out once again in a marriage, the better. Only you know what is best for your marriage relationship.
Lies All Women Tell
You trust her, you adore her, you worship the ground she walks on. However, make no mistake about it, gentlemen; all women lie in certain situations and your little angel is no exception. For the sake of this article and to help you out, we've narrowed the spectrum to the essential five lies all women tell.
Sometimes she's only fibbing a bit to protect her own feelings or yours. Sometimes her motives are less laudable, like lying to cover her tracks. Whatever the case, certain lies occur much more frequently than others. It's up to you to learn the five lies all women tell, and how to handle them.
"I'm not mad at you."
Oh, yes she is. Don't think you're getting off that easily. This lie is one of the most frequently used in relationships. Typically, women who have been hurt by men in their lives -- often inadvertently -- use this phrase as an emotional defense. For example, if a guy forgets his girlfriend's birthday, calls her by his ex's name or commits any of the other minor screwups that most men do on a daily basis, women usually can't just let it go. They dwell on it, letting worries whittle away normal feelings of well-being like a dog gnaws on a bone.
Instead of admitting that she's actually quite hurt by his relatively minor offense, the woman will halfheartedly pretend that she doesn't care at all. In reality, she does care, very much so, but doesn't want to look too anal-retentive or bitchy about it, so she puts up the flimsiest of facades to indicate otherwise and tells one of the five lies all women tell.
Lie radar: This lie is extremely easy to pick up on because women barely bother to hide their irritation in this situation. As unfair as it may seem, they basically want men to read their minds and learn that, in this case, "No, I'm not angry" actually means "I am shooting invisible hate laser beams at you right now, please pick up on it." Excessive eye rolling, mean tones and passive-aggressive behavior in general are dead giveaways.
What you should do: Save yourself some time and headaches later on by calling her on her real feelings and discussing why she's so angry.
"I don't mind if you go to strip clubs with the boys."
Wow, you have the coolest girlfriend ever! Not quite. If this one sounds too good to be true, that's because it is. Word to the wise: Virtually all women mind when their men go out to ogle other women at strip clubs without them. It's only a question of how much they mind.
This one of the five lies women tell is very similar to lie No. 1, in that it is another fib that only comes up in relationships and is told by women to make themselves seem less pathetically needy. In general, women are extremely wary of their boyfriends being in highly sexually charged situations without them. Also, they hate to feel second best to a boys' night out. In this case, she's either telling one of the five lies all women tell to save face or to test you.
For the same reasons, they are also lying when they say they don't mind you checking out other women in front of them.
Lie radar: This lie is usually a little bit more artfully concealed than the first because it's a little bit more pathetic to own up to one's insecurity. It's best to just always assume that this statement is a lie.
What you should do: You're probably better off just not going. Ask yourself: Are two hours of bare booty worth weeks, even months, of bitchy comments?
"I'm just not ready for a boyfriend right now."
Once again, this statement is almost always false, although at least it's told with the best intentions, in order to soften rejection. It might be followed by an additional excuse such as: "I just came out of a bad relationship, and I don't want to be hurt again," or "I'm just too busy with my career right now to have a boyfriend." The truth is, if the woman is single and at all interested in you, she will certainly make the time to date you. It's that simple.
Lie radar: Does she seem uncomfortable, avoid eye contact, talk too much, and come up with numerous excuses? Liar, liar, miniskirt on fire.
What you should do: Let it go. Don't bother letting her know that you see through it. Take the easy way out by pretending you believe her for your own personal dignity, and just walk away.
"I don't mind picking up the tab tonight; you always pay anyway."
Not true. Although this lie doesn't apply to all women, most still do expect men to pay for things, especially if the man asked them out in the first place. They will secretly think that the guy is cheap if he wriggles out of the bill on a regular basis. Men should always at least offer to pay for dinner if they have asked the woman out. If she protests vigorously , then go Dutch; if she just protests casually, she's only doing it out of politeness -- so pay for it.
Lie radar: If she says: "Oh, I'll cover this," but doesn't even make the motion of rooting around in her purse for her wallet, it means that she has no real intention of paying.
What you should do: Dude, just go to the date fully prepared to pay for the whole shebang. In later stages of the relationship, you can work out a fair way to determine who treats who when, but in the early, critical dating stages, don't risk looking cheap.
"That was f*cking great!"
This lie falls under the broad category of sex lies. When women are committed to a man, they focus on him, often believing, time and time again, that he is "the one." Because girls have this tendency, they also tell guys whatever they think they want to hear (like they just had an orgasm), just to make them feel good about themselves.
Sex lies are a dime a dozen. Other sex untruths women often tell are the following: "I only cum with you"; "You have the longest penis"; "Yes, I came"; and "I've only been with X number of guys before." (They will decrease their actual number of sex partners because they're worried you will think they're promiscuous.)
Lie radar: When it comes to sex, that most sensitive of topics, it's safe to say that you should take most things she tells you with a grain of salt.
What you should do: You shouldn't be asking her to rate her sexual experiences, period. That's just in poor taste. If she offers you one of the lies above on her own, however, laugh and change the subject, as if to say: "That's flattering, but I don't really take these things too seriously as long as we're both happy with our sex life."
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