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Basically, being grumpy and talking negative is a bad habit.
It’s meant to draw attention, to gain back power, or to make a jab at all the resentments that are building.
Basically, it’s saying something mean instead of having an honest discussion–and/or it’s a bad habit and thought pattern that’s been there for years.
HOW TO STOP NEGATIVE TALK:
Call their bluff–’I know you’re trying to get my attention, but there are better ways to do it. How about…” Or, “You want to run by the funeral home? You said you wanted to go…” (sounds mean, but it just might get your point across)
Shift their attention–offer something better in its place. Turn on some music, change the conversation, make an excuse and leave the room. Get the point across that this is no longer working.
Say, “STOP!” Say it firm and with eye contact. If it continues, say it louder and firmer.
Be a good example. Stop yourself when you hear it. Stop mid-sentence. Say, “STOP!” to yourself. Correct what you just said with a positive spin.
Be consistent. Just like with a child, if they sense a your defenses might crumble, they’ll hit harder and more manipulative the next time.
Negativity leads to depression and depression leads to all sorts of ailments.
Besides, who wants to live with, drive with, or work with someone who always negative and complaining?
Making the grumpy wife happy with flowers
Flowers? Forgotten birthdays, anniversaries that she has to remind you of on your way home from work, being caught flirting with the new sales assistant at the local video store, getting drunk at her sister’s wedding and telling the bridegroom his new wife once made a pass at you… They’re all situations flowers might get you out of – maybe. In any case, it’s worth a try. Best Choices How about a potted flowering plant? A purple hyacinth is a symbol of sorrow – and the easiest way to say “I’m sorry” again. And again. And again. By watering it and caring for it, she might get the impression you really are sorry. If she is not really a pot person, a bunch of hyacinth will tell her the same thing, but not quite as permanently. In fact, that might actually be a better choice… Yellow roses may say “You’re a friend” but in your position, it’s a pretty good way of telling her you want a ‘new beginning’, if the situation warrants a fresh start. If you’ve been lucky enough to have been forgiven after cheating on her, this is the perfect flower. Bluebells indicate humility, a much-needed attribute for Man Who Has Done Wrong. Interspersed with ferns for sincerity and hydrangea (‘thank you for understanding’), or a simple bouquet of lily of the valley (‘return to happiness’, ‘you’ve made my life complete’ and ‘humility’) will also suffice. Build a healthy marriage To build a healthy marriage you must begin with a strong foundation composed of unconditional love and mutual respect. Add layers of tolerance, compromise, honest communication, appreciation and a good measure of humor. Secure with realistic expectations and effective problem-solving skills and your marriage will persevere through turbulent times and traumatic events. A healthy marriage promotes an environment in which both parties can thrive; where each individual has the opportunity to fulfill optimum potential with the support of the other. The success of blending two lives together takes more than being in love and making a commitment. Marriage is an ongoing "work in progress." Necessary components to building a healthy marriage:
In a healthy marriage both partners realize that marital bliss comes in short-lived emotional spurts, wedged between and around the everyday reality of duties and obligations inherent in maintaining the relationship and raising a family. Both are accepting and tolerant of their partner's flaws and shortcomings.
Partners in a healthy marriage practice active listening and fair fighting. They allow each other to vent without becoming defensive, and give one another an opportunity to express needs. When disagreements arise, they address the issues without personal attack. They spend quality time together, discussing mutual goals and dreams. Partners in a healthy marriage never stop wanting to know more about each other, and thus are able to keep abreast of growth and change occurring in their loved one.
Good communication skills will take care of minor issues, but sometimes major problems threatened to undermine the health of a marriage. This is when effective problem-solving techniques come into play. Problems in a marriage are seldom one-sided. In a healthy marriage, both parties own their part in problems. Both partners work on developing a forgiving spirit and learning to let go of old grudges.
They do whatever it takes to resolve old issues that might be tainting their present life. Residual anger, low self-esteem, depression stemming from mistreatment in childhood or toxic relationships with others are addressed and dealt with through talking it out. Even short-term therapy becomes an option for individuals who desire to protect their healthy marriage.
A spirit of compromise
Negotiation and compromise are key components to maintaining a healthy marriage. Both partners must be willing to listen to the other point of view in issues. Sometimes there is no right or wrong, but just a different way to approach something for the desired result. With flexibility and negotiation, the couple in a healthy marriage manages to balance compromise often enough so that neither partner feels discounted or rejected.
Both partners in a healthy marriage feel valued and appreciated. They express love and gratitude for their partner's contributions to the life they have built together. The words, Thank you, and I love you, are frequently vocalized in a healthy marriage.
Token gifts, displays of affection and notes of loving appreciation are commonplace in a healthy marriage. Both partners feel validated and maintain positive feelings about their spouse and themselves.
A sense of humor
Often marriage and family life contains elements of a situation comedy. Things do not go according to plan, havoc is wreaked, parades get rained on and rained out. The ability to laugh at yourself and with your partner becomes crucial, in order to, not just survive, but thrive. A sense of humor is one of the most important components of a strong marriage.
Healthy marriages do not happen by accident. With hard work, unconditional love and mutual respect, you can build a healthy, strong, mutually satisfying marriage.
The Mr. & Mrs. Happy Handbook: Everything I Know About Love and Marriage (with corrections by Mrs. Doocy)
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