Is your marriage in a rut? Do you need Help!!!

Published on by CMe

 

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Is your marriage in a rut? Do you need Help!!!

 
 
   

Approach Your Spouse About Alcohol Abuse

http://www.bbc.co.uk/shropshire/content/images/2007/01/12/provoked_gallery_02_470x320.jpgIf you have an alcoholic spouse, your first reaction is a feeling of guilt. You think that you caused the problem. You think that you should have been a better mate, have been more vigilant to recognize the onset of the problem and have done something to stop it from escalating.

What can you do to help? An increasing number of people are opting for home-based treatment and intervention. There are numerous ways to deal with alcohol abuse in a spouse. You need the right mix of ways that will work best for you.
  1. Be informed. You need to understand the cause of the problem. Do your own investigation. Keep your house clean. Check cabinets, pantry shelves and other places where alcohol bottles may be concealed. Avoid occasions when alcohol can be present. Explain to friends and family the reason why you want to avoid serving alcohol. 

  2.  Learn to cope. Accept that your husband has a drinking problem. Seek all the information that you can gather about alcohol abuse. A good site to get information from is Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). 

  3. Adopt a positive approach. An alcoholic will not accept that he has a problem. Expect to encounter resistance initially. Do not expect too much the first time you approach your spouse. You may not get a response from him or he may simply ignore you. Do not feel angry or disheartened. Take it at its face value and come back another time. 

  4. Know when to approach. Approach your spouse when he is sober. Ask him if it is all right to talk. Tell him that you have something important to discuss with him. If he is receptive, then sit down with him and talk. Avoid distractions so you can talk freely. Be honest and frank. Keep calm while you are talking. Let him know how his alcohol abuse has affected you and your family members. Cite instances when those actions occurred.

  5.  Exercise patience. Do not expect immediate results. It will take time to recover from alcohol abuse. Continue doing all the approaches that bring positive outcomes. 

  6. Establish open communication. Let him know that you are willing to discuss his problem whenever he wants. Tell him what you expect from him as a parent and as a spouse. Ask him to do the same. Show him love and understanding. Boost his confidence and highlight whatever progress he makes. The desire to change must come from him. Let him know that you will be there to support him. 

  7. Obtain proper support. Enlist the help of family members and seek assistance from peer groups. Find out if there is a support group in your community and join. It helps if you are able to talk to other people who are undergoing the same dilemma as you. You can also gain valuable tips and options that work. 

  8. Seek counseling for the both of you. To strengthen the resolve to change and prevent the problem from happening again, it is advisable that you seek professional counseling. As you and your spouse travel the road to recovery, there will be inevitable slip-ups along the way. It would be helpful if you learn to recognize these slip-ups early and provide remedial actions.

There are no easy and quick solutions for recovery from alcohol abuse. Time, patience, a positive attitude, love and compassion, faith, your spouse’s desire to change, keeping informed as well as a good support group are your allies to help your spouse recover from alcohol dependency. 

http://tinyurl.com/y93duweHow to Make My Husband Happy

Discovering how to make my husband happy was the key to saving my marriage. It's difficult whenever a woman reaches a point in her relationship with her husband where she realizes things just aren't the way they used to be. If you find yourself dealing with your husband's changing emotions it can leave you feeling disheartened, rejected and scared. You don't have to give up on your marriage. There are simple things you can do to shift the dynamic in the relationship back to where it was when you two first were married.

The first thing you absolutely must do if you want to make your husband happy is talk to him about what's happening between the two of you. Many men aren't comfortable talking about their feelings and instead will simply tell you that everything is fine and not to worry. If your instinct is telling you that he's hiding what he's truly feeling, get him to open up about it. This obviously has to be done in a very subtle way. You don't want to push him. Instead just let him know that you're concerned about him and the marriage and you are open to hearing what he's feeling. If he senses that you aren't going to get overly emotional or attack him, he'll be more willing to share things with you.

It's so easy to fall into the pattern of criticizing the person you are married to. This may be something you're guilty of with your husband. Instead of focusing on the things that you don't enjoy about him, try and concentrate on the things you love. Make a point each and every day to thank him for the things he does for you. Plan outings that you know are of interest to him and make him feel special again. He'll be touched by your efforts and it will help him see how much he truly means to you.

http://tinyurl.com/yjgy4m5Restore Your Marriage

Is your marriage in a rut? Do you feel unloved, lonely, and unknown by your spouse? Do you even remember why you married them in the first place? Are you thinking about giving up on your marriage? 

Before you give up, try and make it work. You've probably tried everything you can think of to revitalize your marriage, right? You probably have. But here's a few other ideas you may want to consider & try.
  1. Remember that you not only love your spouse, but you like them, too. Remember when you could sit and talk for hours on the phone or in the car? You have things in common; some parts of your personality are similar to theirs. Engage in conversation about anything deeper than the normal, superficial "how are you?" The typical response to that is "fine." Let your spouse know that you are genuinely interested in them and their thoughts and feelings.

  2. Do things together that you used to like doing, like watching your favorite sitcom, taking evening walks, working outside, going to the park, or eating out. The bottom line is: you can be in love with someone, but you're marriage is only going to last if you remember all the reasons why you actually like that person. Loving is easy; liking goes beyond feelings and involves the mind, personality, and emotions. If you don't like someone, then you'll never be close because you'll never connect. You won't be able to engage in deep & interesting conversations and stimulate each other's minds for years to come. And you won't have anything fun to do together. So remember why you liked your spouse when you were dating! 

    And if you think they have changed and you realize that you don't like your spouse, take time to examine their lives, hearts, character, and opinions. Chances are, you'll be able to create a long list of things that you like about your spouse. And that will help you re-connect.

  3. Realize that the one thing you want from your spouse may be different than the one thing they want most from you. For example, it is common knowledge that men crave the respect of their wives more than anything else, and that women desperately need to know that their husbands love them. If either of these is thrown into doubt, even for an instant, it can wreak havoc on the person's state of mind, and will cause a gap in your marriage.  Your husband needs to know that you respect him. He believes that if he feels respected by you, then he automatically feels loved. Feeling respect is the gateway to how men perceive love.

    Wives, on the other hand, desperately need to be convinced of their husband's love. If they doubt that fact, they will be confused, anxious, over-analyzing, suspicious, and ultimately devastated. Women tend to personalize and internalize everything, so if the woman doesn't feel loved, she'll assume that her husband must not love her and that she is somehow the source of the problem. When a woman feels loved by her husband, she automatically feels respected. There's no question about it for her, because everything else easily falls into place as soon as she feels secure in her husband's love.

  4. So now you realize that men & women want and need different things from each other. Take action! Find out how your husband most wants to know & feel respected, then do it! For example, if you merely say, "Honey, I really respect you," and your husband still doesn't really feel respected, what did you do wrong? Perhaps you simply missed his pressure points. 

    Perhaps what he really needs is for you to let him make a decision in front of your or his friends. Or trust him to take care of something and not nag him about it. Perhaps he wants more respectful "actions" from you, rather than just words. Find out which he responds to best!

    All you husbands out there! Does your wife ask you all the time, "do you really love me?" Or some version? Or do you see the question in her eyes, always nagging at her? Why can't she quit worrying if you love her or not? Of course you love her; you married her and you provide for her!

    But your wife may simply need you to show her or tell her that you love her in a different way. Instead of words, maybe she really loves it when you hug her and touch her face. Or maybe she really feels your love when you do something around the house without having to be asked. Explore the different ways that your wife wants to feel & hear your love. You won't be disappointed!

  5. Pursue your spouse. This means not waiting for them to make the first move to apologize after a squabble. This means going that extra mile to do something nice for them, like filling their gas tank, without any thought of acknowledgment or gratitude. Remember when you were dating and you did all those sweet and wonderful things for each other? You made her handmade things, you bought him stuff, you went fun places just to be alone? What happened? 

    What made you think that she stopped liking those things? Why do you think that he no longer wants to go to all those fun places?

Do nice things for your spouse, and don't wait for them to make the first move, even if you feel like you've been the only one trying. Sooner or later, your spouse is going to recognize the difference in you and will begin to appreciate all the sacrifices that you're making for them. Keep your chin up and keep going!

http://tinyurl.com/yjcu3gjRevitalize Your Marriage

After years of being together, some couples feel their marriage has become dull or unexciting. Most decide try to start with something fresh and ignite their romance again. 

There are many different ways to put the spark back into your marriage and, if successful, restore your relationship.
  1. Make your relationship a priority and start taking time for one another. First and foremost, you must put your relationship ahead of anything that may be standing in your way.

  2. Change your routine. Do something different each day for one another that shows you care.

  3. Thank your spouse. In long term marriages, sometimes people forget to thank one another for the simple chores they perform each day. 

  4. Compliment your spouse. Sometimes little things can go a long way and compliments tend to give your significant other just the boost they need. 

  5. Try something spontaneous. Maybe go away for a weekend, or stay in a bed and have breakfast. Take time away with your spouse to learn more about each other and rediscover your love for one another.

  6. Communicate. Most women tend to talk more than the men in relationships, but be sure to open up communication with your significant other.

  7. Make a list. Each partner should put together a list of things they've always wanted to see, do or try. Then the two of you can go together and experience new things and discover more about each other's interests.

  8. Plan a romantic getaway. Some couples need time away with one another. Plan a romantic dinner, or go to a fantasy hotel room and give yourselves space to redefine and explore your physical relationship with one another.


Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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