How to Spot Relationship Red Flags

Published on by CMe




How to Spot Relationship Red Flags


We all have seen the problems in family members and friends' relationships jumping out at us like a giant flashing stop sign, and the failure to recognize problems in our own relationships is usually justified by the statement that we were blinded by love. Many of the problems that end up breaking a relationship in the end can be spotted early in the dating process. Read on to learn how to spot relationship red flags and save yourself both time and suffering.

  1. Assess the pacing of your relationship. No one is absolutely in love over night. Relationships take time to build. Pathological people have agendas regarding their relationships; they appear intense and deep very quickly. They move fast, getting serious quickly in order to mask their hidden agenda and your ability to respond to these red flags. Women can be particularly vulnerable to these types of men--they get into intense relationships in which quickly they are seeing each other constantly, not having an outside life, and have the sensation of being breathless and swept off of their feet.

  2. Pick up on his or her relationship history, including serial relationships. It is easy to ignore a partner's history of failed relationships when you are falling for the person. Many failed relationships occur because the person jumps in too fast and wants too much too quickly. Ask the person you are dating how many relationships they have had, why they ended, what they have to say about their own responsibility in them ending. Ask what they have to say about these former boyfriends or girlfriends now.

  3. Know that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. You need to learn about your partner's criminal and mental history in addition to relationship history. Many mental conditions increase with age, time and stress.

  4. Acknowledge patterns of behavior, and recognize that problems you face early on in terms of personality and conflict are not likely things you can change about the person. They may simply indicate an incompatible relationship.

  5. Think about your partner's pattern of selection. The types of people your partner has dated in the past can reveal the type of person he or she targets. A history of emotionally unhealthy exes from the past should be a red flag. Some men love victimized women, while some women choose men with low self-esteem.

  6. Know that any sign of violence is a serious threat to both your relationship and safety. Violence includes verbal, physical and mental threats or abuse of any kind.

Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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