| || || | Getting A Commitment-Phobe Commitment Friendly
Men are well-known for their squeamishness when it comes to commitment. They'll do nearly anything to avoid it, delay it or put it off for a rainy day. So how can you get your man to be with you, and only you, exclusively?
Without causing problems in the relationship or chasing him away? The frustration is building. Are you exclusive?
Friends with benefits? A couple? Never going to happen? Getting him to emotionally attach isn't easy, but there are a few factors you might want to try or consider before giving up completely.
Getting him to commit:
Drop subtle hints, like girlfriend confetti, and watch his reaction. Things like “Sarah had no idea we came together last night.” or “I've already stayed with you 3 times this week.”
Try pulling away from him a bit, taking some distance. Doing your own thing, making time for friends. Being independent and self-sufficient could make him think twice about not being committed to you. If he can't always reach you, he can use his imagination. Not to mention that if he doesn't want a relationship or isn't ready, you've already paved the road for someone who is.
Tell him how you feel, in all honesty. What you want or expect from him, what you'd like. If he says he needs more time or doesn't want a girlfriend, then at least you know. And you can get out of dodge and find a man who is ready for an emotional attachment.
Some women try to use fear to get him to commit. It's using a male colleague or friend to make him jealous, see how desirable you are and panic at the thought of losing you. It should then push him into acting and scooping you up before someone else does. Careful, though, it can backfire. He can let you go. Or he can see through the ruse and feel manipulated.
Why he's afraid of emotional attachment:
One-night stands. This isn't the 1950s of getting married for sex. He can get sex, without having to commit to anyone or anything. That you don't truly care about him as an individual, but what he can do for you. It's money, repairs, responsibility. Any man would do.
He's terrified it won't work out, and of changing his life. If he does commit to you and you break-up, he'll have to go through pain and possible monetary loss. Taking a chance on a relationship is unstable. Men love stable. They aren't very keen on change, the 'same T-shirts from college with holes' syndrome. His worst fear: you'll try to change him, instead of accepting him for who he is.
The main thing to remember when you're with a man who's not dying for commitment is that patience is a virtue. Rushing him when he's not ready is a recipe for disaster. Being aware of why he's not eager for an emotional attachment could help you stick it out with him for the time that he (finally) is.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA