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It is but quite normal for people to fight in relationships. Be it men, women or couples, with different people having different needs, values, personality traits and life experiences, there are lots of reasons and occasions for a flight or clash to evolve. However with the right methods, it is possible to manage conflict and anger, and thus avoid fights and clashes with your boyfriend.
It is important that you both realize that when angry with each other, there is little productivity with this anger as this is the period when emotions are high and when listening skills get overshadowed by defensiveness. You have to instead create an atmosphere between yourselves where you and your boyfriend have constructive communication devoid of volatile emotions. Also, women have a pleasing aura which at times can be used as a tool to make your man forget his male ego and get completely lost in you. You may find some amazingly simple tips to turn yourself into a magnet for your man with the help of Bob Grant’s book Women Men Adore and Never Want To Leave.
Another means of controlling a volatile situation is to call a Time-Out. With a time-out, you both get some time to cool down and examine your differences and evaluate why your argument started in the first place. Once you feel you are going to lose control of your anger, call for a time out and fix a time for both of you to reconvene and address your issues. This is because if you don’t reconvene between yourselves, you only damage relationships while postponement of this matter only leads to a deepening of your conflict.
The best thing you could do to avoid fights with your boyfriend would be to identify the personal triggers in yourself that arise to anger. Pinpoint the body signals that alert you to anger arousal and thoughts that fuel anger and emotional upset. In such situations, use relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation and visualization to bring these anger triggers under check. Even following a regime of regular exercises help you greatly in managing stress.
When you have a Time-out to avoid fights with your boyfriend, practice distraction techniques like journalism, playing video games, taking a hot bath, talking to a friend, going for a walk, etc. this will help in soothing those hyper nerves. Developing a system of positive self talk and affirmations tend to help you control yourself when in anger producing predicaments. If you find yourself practically boiling in anger over your boyfriend, you find that writing him a letter before talking helps in discharging any negative emotions you may be harboring. This is also helps you develop a better perspective on the situation. However ensure that you destroy the letter when finished. Though it may sometimes prove to be rather difficult for you to express your feelings and needs as directly and assertively as possible, this helps you avoid fights. You have to disclose all your feelings on any matter as soon as possible to your boyfriend. This is because if you tend to stuff your feelings, it only leads to a feeling of ‘stockpiling’ of your feelings and unfinished business. And with this, you only tend to create feelings of hidden resentment within yourself, which will take its toll in your relationship with your boyfriend.
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Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA