Guys! Are you Killing her mood?
The most common libido killers are stress, children, relationship problems, physical injuries or lack of physical ability, and illness. Libido is fairly fragile at times and relies on many different human aspects -- emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual -- to work in harmony.
Confidence: Confidence issues and stress are both major hindrances to a healthy sex life. Bad self-image is the worst offender, with weight issues topping the list. These are the women who always want the lights out and won't fully undress in front of you. It can take a long time for a woman to get comfortable in her own skin, and the best thing you can do is reassure her that she is beautiful and desirable. Find the parts of her you love (her brain as well as her body), and remind her how great she is as often as you like.
Stress: Most people are a little stressed, but when it starts to affect your sex life, it becomes a problem. Stress relief is in order here, but how that is achieved is up to you and her. Take the bull by the horns, and provide a relaxing massage and a bit of pampering -- this will go a long way. Just watch out if she is stressed and tired because a great massage may put her to sleep!
Anxiety: If she is anxious, she won't be randy. Along with stress, feeling anxious about sex for whatever reason (perhaps childhood abuse, rape or other fears) is a tragedy not only for your sex life, but for her whole life. She needs to figure out and overcome her reasons for feeling anxious, and the best thing you can do is support her. It won't be easy, but with good communication, it can be handled and eventually resolved.
Lack of physical exercise: Women who exercise regularly have higher sex drives, and more often than not, their periods are less painful and PMS is a lot less severe or even nonexistent. In fact, if a woman does regular strenuous exercise (four times a week for about an hour), she is far less likely to suffer from hormone-induced problems. This happens because when the body is healthy, small chemical and hormone changes have the effect they're supposed to have -- preparing the body for pregnancy -- instead of causing major disturbances to chemicals in the brain and wreaking havoc on the body and mind.
It can be an extremely stupid thing to suggest to a woman that she exercise more, so by suggesting physical activities you can do together (like going for jogs or rollerblading), you are improving your own sex life (and overall health and happiness) as well as hers.
Diet plays a major role in painful periods, and in overall happiness and well-being. Her diet can be stopping her from feeling her best, so taking a good look at what goes in will help to determine what her body dishes out. After all, we are what we eat. Again, suggesting she stop eating crap food is going to land you in the dog house, so make these changes to your own eating habits so she doesn’t feel she is being picked on. Let her learn by your example. Swap the chips for a salad, the Coke for water, and both your energy levels will rise as a result. More energy for life means more energy for sex.
If we don’t help our bodies clear out toxins, they will build up and give us zits, odors and low energy levels. Helping our bodies rid the toxins will make us feel better quite easily and quickly. Smoking, pollution, lack of exercise, bad diet, and being overweight all make us feel less stellar than we should, and these factors also kill our sex drives. The best ways to rid our bodies of toxins are to drink plenty of water and antioxidants like green tea, and get exercise.
PMT can affect her in the week or days before her period. All women experience premenstrual changes, but some have what is clearly defined as a serious problem. You probably know of women who suffer from PMT: they are the women you refer to as The Bitch or The Psycho. Their behavior is irrational, illogical, emotional, and fraught with tension and anxiety. One minute they may seem perfectly fine, and the next they are a raging maniac, crying, yelling, and being irritable.
This may be a bad time for trying to have sex, and saying something like, “Have you got your period?” will go over like a lead balloon. In saying this, sometimes increased premenstrual aggression means sex is especially vigorous and primal. Women are extra sensitive during this time because of high estrogen levels. The best way to deal with this is to avoid arguing back, and if you want to help fix the problem, encourage her to do some exercise and other stress-relieving activities (and yes, sex is one of these, but do try others).
Oral contraceptive pill: The OCP is a small pill that controls the body’s hormones artificially to prevent pregnancy. The good news: The freedom gained from the pill is an aphrodisiac; knowing she won’t get pregnant is liberating, and definitely encouraging for both of you. The bad news: The pill can be dangerous for a woman’s libido. Her hormones are leveled completely (and artificially), which rules out the sexual peak at ovulation (most birth control pills force the body to skip ovulation) and just before her period. It effects the body by increasing the levels of something called SHBG (sex hormone-binding globulin), which attaches itself to testosterone in her bloodstream, rendering it useless.
Testosterone is responsible for much of a woman's sex drive, so the loss of her already low levels is bad news. This can be a trade off, because we all love raw sex. Going off the pill may not be the best idea, so get her to ask her doctor for an alternative type of birth control.
Depo-Provera injection: This injection is a high dose of artificial progesterone. This tricks the body into thinking it is already pregnant, but progesterone inhibits the production of estrogen, which is essential for the health of her reproductive system and, therefore, essential to her sex drive. The lack of estrogen can cause a problem called atrophic vaginitis, which can make sex painful and cause serious and uncomfortable problems with the urinary tract, vagina and vulva.
This form of birth control has been linked with mental health issues, weight gain and vaginal problems that hinder sex by making it painful and uncomfortable. Aside from those symptoms, it decreases sex drive considerably in most women, which is obviously not good for you.
Implanon implants: Similar to Depo-Provera, this implant is a slow release of progesterone that can last in the body for up to three years.
The good news: Her sex drive may hit the roof (or the floor), taking you with it. If it works for her, it is a good (and sex-a-plenty) alternative to the pill. The bad news: This matchstick-size implant can wreak havoc with her body, resulting in a very high sex drive, but almost black-widow-like behavior (she'll hunt you down, screw you, then eat you alive). The side effects -- moodiness, obsessive behavior, acne, and depression -- can be very destructive. It also causes swelling of the brain. Every woman experiences different changes in libido, both positive and negative, while using this form of birth control.
Antidepressants: Some antidepressants can increase libido in women, while others, such as Prozac, reduce it significantly. There are some that have had fewer reported sexual side effects, so if one antidepressant doesn't work well, there are other options. Overall, antidepressants help encourage sex because she will be feeling better about life in general and will have more energy, but orgasm can often be delayed or not happen at all. In this case, good communication is essential because a chemistry problem can turn into a psychological problem very quickly. If you have to kiss and play around while she gets better, then so be it; pressure to have sex is also a libido killer.
Blood pressure drugs: Most blood pressure drugs kill a woman's sex drive, so other drugs may be prescribed to counter this. The doctor may try a few different types of blood pressure drugs to find one that won't affect her sex drive. The reason for the high blood pressure needs to be addressed so she can get back to full health, and easy ways to help this are encouraging exercise and good diet, and doing fun, stress-free activities.
Sedatives: Medications like Xanex, Diazepam and Valium are known to lower one’s sex drive and ability to be aroused. Occasionally, this may result in an inability to reach orgasm, which can be a terrifying and stressful experience. Most sedatives do exactly that -- sedate the body and mind. Having high energy levels and normal brain-body function is impaired significantly, leaving women feeling more like a lobotomized zombie than a sex goddess. It is hard to help things like this when the doctor seems to be in charge, and the reasons for being on sedatives are unique. Keeping the body as toxin-free as possible is always a good idea, so exercise, water and doing fun things will help her regain her health and well-being.
Other prescription drugs: Antihistamines can effect lubrication and cause drowsiness; antipsychotic, anti-seizure, anti-cancer, and non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs can all effect libido in a negative way.
Ecstasy: This drug is great for making out, and her sex drive is likely to go through the roof when she’s on it since her body is in the best mood ever, and everything feels great. The negative effects of ecstasy use are the after-effects of low serotonin -- depression of normal body functions while the body realigns itself chemically and physically. Ecstasy is an aphrodisiac, but regular use is bad news.
Marijuana: Smoking pot has a depressant effect on the body, therefore, this drug is a libido killer. It also dries the vagina (and mouth) up, which is not helpful. If you want to have sex, don’t get her stoned.
Amphetamines (speed, crystal meth): Amphetamines are known to cause sexual dysfunction in both men and women. While speeding, sex is likely to be far from her (and your) mind, but talking a lot, and really fast, will not be.
Opiates (seroin, cocaine): Opiates are linked with the inability to orgasm and low sexual desire. Men may find they cannot get an erection, and women can have problems with moisture. Most people who use heroin say that sex is very low on the list of important things to do. Cocaine can be good for confidence, and sometimes increase sensations, but overall it is a slack aphrodisiac.
Illnesses and disorders
Thyroid: Problems with the thyroid directly affect hormones, which in turn wreaks chaos with a woman’s sex drive. It is one of the most undiagnosed problems with low sex drive because it is not really talked about as a symptom.
Adrenal glands: The adrenal glands are responsible for producing some of the testosterone in women, so when this gland is not performing to its peak, the amount of testosterone (the sex hormone) is lowered. This means she’ll experiences less desire to have sex at any time. This gland is what keeps a woman’s sex drive active after menopause (when the ovaries, which are responsible for the rest of the testosterone, cease to function).
Hysterectomy: The removal of the uterus (and sometimes the fallopian tubes and ovaries) effects women differently. In studies, half the women experienced an improvement in their sex lives, with 21% seeing a decrease in desire and enjoyment. This shows that it could go either way. Depending on the circumstances of the hysterectomy, there will be many other factors influencing her sexuality and well-being. Because of the low levels of testosterone, she may end up with other problems, like thyroid deficiency, low energy levels and moodiness.long live the libido
Defining the problem is the first step toward discovering why we’re not getting laid as much as we should be. Whether it's overuse of McDonald’s or overuse of ecstasy, everything we put inside us effects our bodies and, therefore, our sex drives. If you can find the real problem, you can fix it.
A word of caution: Approach things you think would benefit from a change with tact and sensitivity. You don’t want to be booted out onto the sidewalk with teeth marks on your neck.
The Orgasmic Diet: A Revolutionary Plan to Lift Your Libido and Bring You to Orgasm
Price: $10.04 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25.
You Save: $3.91 (28%)