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| || || | Believe it or not, there was a time when women used to "sit by the phone and wait for a guy to call." That sucked. Now we live in a hyper-communicative fog of tweets and texts. Which is great, right? Your guy can always reach you — by writing to you. The downside: he can always reach you by writing to you.
And that can suck too, at least sometimes. What happened to the good old-fashioned phone call, where you hear each other’s voices, laugh a little, maybe even exchange a little R-rated dirty talk? Here’s how to get your guy to be just a little more old-school...now and then.
- Be Direct
Men don’t pick up on subtleties like women do, says Dr. Jenn Berman, licensed therapist and relationship expert. If you say to your best friend, "You always text me so much and I get confused with all the messages," she’ll probably get the point and slow down on the texting. With a guy, says Dr. Berman, you actually have to tell him what you want.
"Don’t make a man decipher your communication style," she says."He’s probably treating you the same way he treated his last five girlfriends." Just come out with it — but keep in mind the difference between assertive and aggressive. (In case you’re wondering, aggressive is "Call me, you asshole!" Assertive is "I’d love if you could call me.")
It helps to be specific, too. Next time you’re making plans for the evening, say something like, "Hey, it’s cool if you send me the address by text, but could you call me later about the other details?"
Lastly, sometimes you have to put yourself out there to get back what you want, advises Howard J. Morris, co-author of Women are Crazy, Men are Stupid. "You can make the call yourself," he says. "If he still texts you back instead of returning your call, that’s lame. And you can tell him that!"
- Give Positive Encouragement
For a man, a phone call can be surprisingly daunting, especially considering all his other options. Explains Morris: "Facebook is practically anonymous because the woman can ignore a guy and it doesn’t get awkward. Email is safe because she probably doesn’t respond to her messages right away anyway. Texting is just something you do on auto-pilot. These days, ‘calling’ is practically a commitment. I mean, she might actually pick up the phone!"
So when your man gives you a ring, don’t be afraid to gush a little. Go ahead, sound excited to hear from him. "We train people how to treat us," Dr. Berman says. "If you want more phone calls, you have to let your guy hear in your voice and your words how happy you are that he dialed your number."
- Make the Call Super Easy
You know what he also dreads? Getting roped into some endless, rambling conversation. (Admit it — you dread that too!) So just don’t let it happen. A few ideas for painless phone calls:
- Keep the call to less than 10 minutes. Set a timer if you need to. Hey, never a bad thing to leave him wanting more.
- If your guy actually wants to have a longer convo but you know you’ll have to jet, tell him ahead of time, "Hey, I have five minutes before my meeting starts" (or whatever). That way, he won’t feel brushed off.
- Cut him some slack if he says something dumb. The main reason men love email and texting is because they can read over what they’re going to say, says Morris. So if he’s not as clever or charming on the phone as usual, just chalk it up to male insecurities and go easy on him.
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