No one ever said dating was easy. Just when you think you’ve found the perfect woman, along come her friends to complicate your happiness. When dealing with your burgeoning relationship, it’s important to understand that there are five friends that every woman has, and will continue to have throughout your courtship. Read on to get a glimpse of their unique (and occasionally terrifying) characteristics. You need to understand their role in your girl's life and the life of your relationship.
The Wild Friend From University
On the surface, your girlfriend’s wild gal pal from university appears to have nothing but an up side. She knows the bouncers for every bar in the city, she enjoys making out with random women and she never wears underwear. What could possibly go wrong with that? In a word: Everything. When she finally manages to pry your girlfriend free, she’ll try to teach her that monogamy is just another dirty word and that commitment is a sign of weakness. The key to surviving the wild friend from university is to never let her out of your sight. She might not appreciate your scrutiny, but just think of all the chicks you’ll get to watch her swap spit with.
Value to her: This friend every woman has can help your gal recharge her batteries with a carefree night of table dancing and tequila shots.
Value to you: Your girlfriend will be grateful she’s in a stable relationship the morning after.
The Best Friend They Secretly Hate
As sure as the sun rises in the east, every woman has a best friend they secretly despise. On the surface, they get along famously and are seldom apart, but as soon as they’re in separate rooms, they can’t stop bitching about each other. Everything this “friend” does rubs your girlfriend the wrong way -- from the way she parts her hair right down to her new jacket, which incidentally is either 1) So last year’s style; 2) More expensive than anything you’ll ever be able to afford for her; or 3) Exactly the same jacket your girlfriend bought last Tuesday. Of course, she’d never say any of this to her face. After all, they’re best friends.
Value to her: Women love to gossip, and the best friend she secretly hates provides her with the ideal target for all of her pent-up venom.
Value to you: Getting your girlfriend worked up about her so-called friend can momentarily distract her from your own shortcomings.
The Desperately Single Friend
Also known as “the fat friend,” the desperately single friend has gone dateless for at least two presidential administrations. Although essentially a decent person, this friend’s self-fixated, woe-is-me attitude has the potential to bring even the most raucous of celebrations to a painfully grinding halt. The bad news is that you never want to appear overly happy in her presence -- the good news is that her sour attitude ensures you never will.
We've got more to dish on friends every woman has, and why they can be valuable to you...
Value to her: Desperately single friends tend to be ideal companions since their empty social calendars make them loyal and dependable.
Value to you: The desperately single friend’s despondence over her nonexistent dating life will make your girl cherish your relationship even more.
The Guy Friend
Whether he’s a former flame or flamboyantly flaming, among the five friends every woman has is a guy friend, and chances are their tight-knit bond predates your relationship by at least a decade. He’s there for her when you’re not, and if you don’t play your cards right, he’ll make you look like the most insensitive knuckledragger on the face of the planet.
Value to her: One part sociologist and two parts zoologist, the guy friend can offer your gal insight into your often baffling behavior.
Value to you: Don’t feel like taking an intensive 10-week ballroom dancing class? No problem! The guy friend will gladly step in as a surrogate male companion while you sit at home balancing Cheetos on your ever-expanding belly.
The Best Friend
There is no driving a wedge between your girlfriend and her best friend. Chances are they’ve known each other since childhood, and for all you know, they may even have a suicide pact. Your girlfriend’s best friend is her true soul mate and confidante. She sends her greeting cards “just because,” and she’s been there through every single romantic encounter and emotional breakup. She knows things about you that you don’t even know yourself, and she knows secrets about your girlfriend that your girlfriend wouldn’t even reveal to her psychiatrist. This is precisely the companionship Aristotle had in mind when he said: “Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
Value to her: The best friend is the single most important female friend every woman has, next to her mother. She’s there for her through thick and thin, and she helps her with all of her most important -- and many of her most trivial -- life decisions.
Value to you: Your girlfriend’s best friend can be an excellent companion who can offer you startling insights into the female psyche. She can also end your courtship in the blink of an eye. If you want your relationship to last, it pays to keep your girlfriend close and her best friend even closer -- no, not that close.
With Friends Like These…
It has been said that however rare true love may be, it is less so than true friendship. The key to a happy relationship lies in embracing your girlfriend’s circle of friends and accepting them for all their many quirks and idiosyncrasies. You may never become their best friend, but at the very least you can become the best friend they secretly hate.
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