Monday 25 january 1 25 /01 /Jan 08:18
 

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Fix Your Sexless Marriage

 
 
   

If your sex life is on a respirator, there are some things you should know. First off, you are not alone, not by a long shot. More than 15% of couples in the US are in sexless marriages! Secondly, do not feel guilty about your unhappiness. Though love is the pivotal factor in a marriage, sex is equally important. In fact, sex is the expression of intimate love. So it is normal to feel depressed, confused and lonely when you are coping with a sexless marriage. Last but most importantly, you CAN rekindle the romance in your marriage. Only, it won’t happen unless you make an effort to learn how to deal with and fix your sexless marriage. 

Proactive action is the only way to survive a sexless marriage. First, find out what is going on through open, blame-free communication. Is it libido, anger, resentment, meds, or something else causing the problem? Once you identify the problem, finding a solution becomes easier. 

Next, take remedial action quickly. When people live together for days, weeks and months, it is only natural that they lose interest in sex, caught as they are in the crippling and unexciting grind of domesticity and repetitiveness. But this lack of intimacy does not happen overnight. It happens when you allow the lack of sex to continue day after day after day, without taking any action. Inaction is like slow poison. As you drift apart farther and farther, it becomes that much more difficult to get back on track. Risks of extramarital relationships and divorce increase. 

So, if you are in a sexless marriage, the only way to turn it around is to act NOW! Remember that with each day you waste hoping for matters to resolve themselves automatically, the gap is growing wider and wider.

 


 

How to stop a sexless marriage from affecting your self esteem?

Marriage, at its core, is the mating of two bodies which paves the way to the fusion of two hearts. For man and woman, this primeval physical closeness is necessary to establish emotional and mental intimacy. So, when your mate avoids sex continually, it can get extremely hurtful. Your sense of self esteem gets eroded. At some point, you begin to question whether there is something wrong with you and if this could be causing the problem.

If your spouse throws accusations at you, the situation gets worse because your worst fears are confirmed. You begin to accept that the root cause of your sexless marriage is YOU! Unfortunately, this increases your pain and adds to the strain in your marriage. 

The key to surviving self esteem issues in a sexless marriage is to focus on the positive. Given below are a few tips: 

S top blaming yourself for your sexless marriage. You need to be strong to turn your marriage around 

Understand the cause. Encourage your partner to talk, and listen closely. Look into the mirror every day and SEE the beautiful, healthy, fit individual looking back at you. 

If you feel that you have not been taking care of yourself physically, go to a gym or beauty parlor and get a fresh look. Dress attractively. 

Inv olve yourself in activities that boost your self esteem. If you are a good painter or writer, do what you love. Joining a group and getting out of the pain in your marriage will help you find yourself. 

In the struggle to fix their sexless marriage, many people focus all their time and energy on their relationship. Do not let that happen to you. Pay attention to your likes and dislikes. Make yourself the priority of your life. This can do wonders for your self esteem.

http://tinyurl.com/yadwbjbHow to keep happy in a sexless marriage?

In a society where we are constantly bombarded by thoughts of sex, it might seem impossible to be happy in a sexless marriage. In fact, sex is no longer limited to being an expression of love and desire. It has become a symbol of youth, vigor, passion and personal achievement. If you strip sex of all these, then it is simply a means of ensuring emotional and physical intimacy. 

Research suggests that approximately 1 in 20 couples in their 30s are celibate. These couples stay together, live contentedly and are apparently happy to be the way they are. So, what is the secret to keeping happy in a sexless marriage? 

First of all, understand that the lack of sex is not going to kill you. Sex is not a physical necessity. A celibate relationship can be a happy one, though it needs more work than a normal relationship. 

The biggest issue in a sexless marriage is that of agreement. When both partners agree, for whatever reasons, that they feel content with the lack of sex in their marriage, it is possible to live happily in a sexless marriage. Problems arise when there is a mismatch in the sex drive of both partners. At such a time, one partner may feel stressed by the pressure to perform while the other partner feels hurt by the lack of intimacy. To be happy in a sexless marriage, it is necessary to expunge these discordant notes. 

The secret is to accept the lack of sex as a reality. If your partner is incapable of giving ‘it’ to you and you feel that the relationship is richly rewarding in every other way, then you have to work at accepting what you have. It is human nature that when something is denied us, we begin to obsess about it. Stop obsessing; get out, find new interests to occupy your thoughts. 

For a celibate relationship to work, both partners have to decide on how they will establish physical intimacy, and when they need to draw the line. For instance, are you still allowed to kiss her goodnight or does this make her feel uncomfortable? You have to be pre-decided on what you would do as a couple, if one of you feels the need for sexual gratification. 

At the bottom of all the controversy and the seemingly shocking statistics related to sexless marriages is the simple fact that many long-term relationships ultimately become sexless, without the relationship rupturing.

However, coping in a sexless marriage does not mean that you cannot recifty the situation and get the sex back into your relationship. In fact, many couples are doing it today.

 

Causes of a Sexless Marriage - The Real Problems Behind the Symptom

According to marriage statistics, there are more than 40 million people living in sexless relationships in the US alone! In fact, most marriages seem to hit the rock of platonic love at some time or the other. There are many causes for this. 

When you are living with a person for a long period of time, repetitiveness and boredom set in. This could be one reason why sex starts happening once a week, then once a month, and then once every quarter. 

For some couples, sex dies with the birth of children. Some women experience sensory overload because of the demands of their little ones. Hormones have a role to play in it too. Or it could be that at the end of the day she is too tired to think of sex. Unfortunately, problems become real when her emotional and physical lethargy continues even after the children have grown up some. 

Many couples say that the root cause of their sexless marriage is the lack of time. You are both working and you come home dead beat. You do lots of things together, but sex is not one of them. 

Sometimes, it is easy to take sex and your partner for granted when you can have both on demand! In fact, many couples complain that their super-steamy sex cooled off after marriage. 

Residual resentment, ego clashes, misunderstandings and extramarital relationships may also lead to the lack of intimacy in marriage. 

In a nutshell, sexless marriages just do not happen overnight. There is often a root cause that keeps rubbing at your insides for a long time until it leads to the breakdown of intimacy. So, it is wrong to believe that the lack of sex is the cause of marital breakdown. In fact, lack of sex is just a symptom of deeper, unresolved problems from the past. 

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An affair isn't the way to go if you want to fix your marriage. Why?

If you are in a sexless marriage, then you have probably already thought of having an affair, right? But, how much good do you think it will do to your marriage? None! 

Different people have different excuses for that ‘one wild fling’. Let us look at them one by one: 

The need for intimacy: Some people coping with sexless relationships seek out illicit intimate relationships, or affairs, because they want to fulfill their desire for intimacy. But the problem with an affair is that it seldom stops where you want it to. Soon, physical proximity leads to emotional dependence, and before you know it, one or both of you want to leave your partners. It is the story of the forbidden apple all over again. 

The need to get away from it all: If you think that you can put the pain of your sexless marriage out of your mind by engaging in an affair, think again. Any person who is in a dedicated relationship is deeply attached to their partner, regardless of the sex. Indulging in a fling only adds to the burden of guilt, resentment and pain. 

The need for a change: Some people believe that an affair can lead them to Mr. or Ms Right. In most cases, you cannot build a new relationship on the ashes of an old one. Besides, finding a person who is the opposite of your spouse will make you resent your spouse even more. In the end, the affair will only widen the gulf without assuring any permanent solution. 

An affair can leave you burnt at both ends. Instead, look for ways to mend the bridge. After all, you are in the relationship because at some point in your life, you believed that your other half was worth it. Can you just replace him or her because you’ve run into a major roadblock? 


Living in a Sexless Marriage - Day to Day

Do you sigh when you see couples living it up in Sex in the City, Playboy and Cosmo? Well, you are not alone. According to a report published in Newsweek, ‘No Sex Please, We’re Married’, many couples in America are not enjoying any sexual intimacy with their partners. 

Living on a day to day basis in a sexless marriage can be sheer torture. This is because long-term sexless marriage can really break your psyche to bits. The lack of intimacy can lead to: 
  • Breakdown of self esteem 

  • Feelings of resentment sometimes leading to violence 

  • Feelings of depression sometimes leading to suicidal tendencies 

  • Feeling of loneliness and desperation 

There are many reasons for the lack of intimacy in a marriage that was once the hotbed of strong emotions. It could be a lack of sex drive, medical problems, emotional blocks or age. Whatever the reason, you can still make your marriage work if that is what both of you want. 

The first step is open communication. If the lack of intimacy is not by choice, then you need to dig deep for the reasons leading to it. You need to find ways in which you can reconnect. Find out what you can do to rekindle the romance in your relationship. Make your bed and your bedroom a place to relax and unwind. Do not bring work, PDAs, laptops or books into this private space. 

Another important thing is to use up excess energy in a creative manner so that you do not feel too frustrated. Join a group or do something you enjoy. Get out, get going. Just letting go of the all-pervasive urge for sex may be the break you need. 

Try to share common interests. Many couples fall off their sex lives simply because of lack of time. Find the time to be together in an intimate manner. Take the time to set the mood. Do not pass negative comments or ridicule your spouse’s lack of interest. By diminishing your spouse, you are also demeaning yourself. 

Never let your spouse or their lack of interest get you down. Focus on the positive and eliminate the negatives 

Sexless marriages can be turned around. In fact, many couples have successfully done so and gone on to enjoy many years of fulfilling togetherness. At the end, it all depends on how much you want your marriage to work.


http://tinyurl.com/y9azzw9What Is a Sexless Marriage - How to Know if Yours is One

The intimate connection that results from sex is often the glue that holds a marriage together. As human beings, we are hard-wired to crave a special sense of intimacy with another human being. That is why people who are in a sexless relationship feel lonely, heard, depressed and emotionally unfulfilled. 

According to experts, a sexless relationship is one in which the frequency of sex has dwindled to 10 times or less in a year. Statistics suggest that more than 15% of couples in America come under this category. However, the desire for sex, or libido as you call it, is a purely personal matter. You cannot quantify it in general terms. Your libido is affected by a number of factors ranging from cultural and personal beliefs to the number of years you have been married, medical conditions and age. 

A sexless marriage is not necessarily a marriage in which there is no sex. In fact, a person in their 30s may feel that they are in a sexless marriage when they get sex only about once or twice a month. For a couple in their 60s, this frequency could be quite satisfying. So, a more acceptable though slightly confusing definition of a sexless marriage is a marriage in which one or both partners feel that they are not getting enough physical intimacy. 

There are some obvious signs that alert you to the possibility of your marriage going the sexless way. The first of these is when the frequency of regular intimate contact begins to decrease dramatically. Of course, in most marriages, the initial fervor dies down after some time. Still, many couples work out a pattern that keeps them both satisfied. But if you find that even the smallest and simplest of gestures is unwelcome, then you may be in for trouble. 

There are times when you find that the onus of taking the initiative is always on you. If you feel that you are the only person in the relationship with the drive, it is time for a long talk. 

The final symptom of a sexless relationship is the emotional repercussion you feel when your partner actively rejects you. You may feel inexplicable sadness and loneliness, or a sense of frustration and desperation. These are all signs that your marriage could be heading for trouble. 

Sexless marriages can be turned around. However, for this to happen, it is important for couples to take corrective action as quickly as possible. 


How to stop your sexless marriage from affecting your children

There are two kinds of sexless marriages. One, in which the lack of intimacy is mutually accepted. This kind of sexless marriage is relatively free of unhappiness. The second kind is the one in which the lack of intimacy is not a matter of choice, at least for one of the partners. This kind of sexless marriage can have deep and lasting impact on every facet of your personality. Thus, it can affect you deeply and leave its mark on all your close relationships. 

In an unhappy sexless marriage where there are young children, the lack of intimacy can have long-lasting negative influence on their young minds. Children need to see their parents enjoying some amount of physical intimacy. Seeing you cuddle with your partner, looking at your partner with love in your eyes and behaving towards them in a considerate and loving manner fills your children with a deep sense of security. This instills them with confidence and brings normalcy to their childhood.

Children learn how to love and how to express love by watching the adults around them. If they are brought up in a household where there is no intimacy, they may grow up to believe that normal expressions of intimacy are somehow wrong or uncouth. This leads to warped relationships in their future.

If a sexless marriage is filled with strife and bitter recriminations, children may develop self-esteem issues and other emotional conflicts. To grow up into healthy, self-dependent, confident individuals, children need the springboard of absolute love and complete support from their parents.

If you are coping with a sexless marriage in order to take care of your children, then you need to take definite steps to prevent your children from sensing that anything is amiss between you and your partner. Given below are some of the steps you can take to prevent your sexless marriage from affecting your children:
  • Never fight in front of them. Do not hurl abuses at each other or mention the lack of intimacy in your marriage before your children. Belittling your spouse in front of your children will make them lose respect for you and/or for your spouse. 

  • Take the time to enjoy common recreational activities. 

  • Make every effort to behave in a normal fashion in front of your children. 

  • Try to stay emotionally connected with your spouse so that your children remain safe and secure in your love. 

Children are sensitive creatures. They are quick to catch on with the realities around them. Therefore, it is absolutely essential that you pre-decide on how to behave in front of them so that they have a normal childhood.

 

Can a sexless marriage lead to divorce? 

The question of whether or not a sexless marriage will end in divorce depends on what has caused the lack of intimacy in the first place. For instance, if the cause is age related, or a physically debility or a mutual decision (based on personal beliefs), then the lack of sex may not lead to a divorce. But, absence of sex is not out of choice, then a sexless marriage could very well end in a bitter divorce. 

It is wrong to think that there is no sex at all in a sexless marriage. A sexless marriage is one in which the frequency of sex has dwindled to less than 10 times a year. Of course, that is what the books say. In personal terms, a sexless marriage could very well mean that you are not getting enough sex or enough quality sex, regardless of the number of times. 

Coping with a sexless marriage is painful, to say the least. A wide range of negative feelings creep up on you. Loneliness, listlessness, hatred, insecurity and diffidence are common. Your self-esteem takes a huge beating and you may become depressed to the point of contemplating suicide. So, it is only natural for you to look for an escape through divorce. 

Relationships become strained when you feel that your partner does not care enough to do the needful, or when you feel that he or she is pressurizing you to an intimacy that you find distasteful. From there, the marriage takes a downward turn. Frequent fights, abuse and the total lack of emotional connection may very well pave the way for an illicit affair or a bitter divorce. 

If you are in a sexless relationship, it is important to start repair work immediately. Mend your relationship before it creates a wall so big between you and your partner that the only way out is to call it quits. 


How Soon can you Get the Sex Back?

One of the main questions which people ask after they purchase and read one of our best selling books on how to fix sexless relationships is how fast will they see results. How soon will they be able to get the sex back into their relationship?

I'm afraid that my answer isn't going to be a good one: it may take weeks and it may take months. It's impossible to tell in advance since each relationship is different than the other.

Some of the factors which determine how soon you'll be able to feel your partner snuggled up in your arms are:
  1. How long it has been since you've had sex or since you've seen this deterioration in your sexual encounters. The longer it has been, the harder it will be to resurrect the passion. Nothing is impossible, in my mind, but you need to be realistic still.

  2. Is the love still there? With some couples the lack of sex is a sign of a deeper lack of feeling. If the emotions have died, it takes a much deeper healing process to bring back the relationship to any kind of state worth keeping. It can take a while.

  3. Is there a physical problem - Generally, as I'm not a doctor, the books we've written don't deal with physical problems. They deal with relationship issues. If a man is incapable of having an erection due to physical problems, it is out of our hands.

  4. How dilligently do you work to improve your relationship and make it vibrant and fun again. This is something only you can know for yourself. We try to show you the way in our books, but only you can do what it takes to cope in your sexless relationship and improve the interaction between you and your partner.

Regardless of how long it takes, don't give up. If your marriage is worth saving, fight for it. It's up to you to make it last and thrive


How Many Sexless Marriages End in Divorce - Will Yours?

Most people, when they stand before friends and family and exchange wedding vows, don't even dream about ever living in a sexless marriage. When love and passion are prominent, it's difficult to even imagine anything so strange. However, it's not really that strange or rare. In fact, it's a common phenomenon which many couples face.

The statistics regarding sexless marriages state that around 15% of married couples in the United States live in what is defined as a sexless marriage, which is 10 times or less each year. Of course, each person has his or her own sex drive and needs, so only you can determine what is sexless for you.

The main thing you need to remember is that you're not alone in this. In fact, you're part of a big group of people.

Some people live in sexless marriages for years, but there is no doubt that the lack of sex creates a lot of tension and resentment within a marriage and can threaten its very existence. Usually, only one of the couple loses his or her sex drive. The other still craves sex and feels deprived. When this happens, the chances of divorce in the near of far future increase dramatically.

Of course, it is more difficult to know for sure how many divorces are caused by sexless marriages. Often, there is more than a single factor which leads to a breakup. However, we can assume that the increased tension and bad feelings within a sexless relationship can bring about a separation.

Why?
The reason is simple: people love sex, they crave it, they enjoy it. It's a basic human need. When people tie the knot they do so out of love and physical attraction. They believe that they will be fulfilled in every way within the marriage and that includes sexually. After all, this is a major part of any marriage.

Rejection, especially physical rejection, can create enormous resentment between two people. Especially when one person feels cheated of what he or she believe are basic parts of a healthy relationship. This resentment can lead to all sorts of bad times within a relationship and may even cause it to end in divorce.

Even though some sexless marriages don't end in divorce and last for years, it is never a truly happy life. There is always something missing from it. Often, the longer it has been without sex, the harder it is to re-ignite the fires of passion. As someone who has helped many people create a new spark within their marriage, I know that it is so. I also understand how scared you must feel. All is not lost. You can do much to heal your marriage and make it whole again.


How to Stop Blaming Yourself Because of a Sexless Marriage

One-third of all marriages are battling some or the other type of sexual problems. If the passion in your marriage has dried up suddenly, for whatever reasons, you must be experiencing an overriding desire to play the blame game.

If your spouse does not respond to your need for physical expression of love, it is only natural that you feel bitter about it. To start off, you might blame your partner. But, at some point of time, you would also start blaming yourself. You may wonder if it is because you have become frumpy, flabby or grey. Is it because you have become unattractive somehow? Is it because you are unable to meet some inner need? Is it because of certain issues in the past where you took a firm stand on an issue? The topmost question in your mind is, “Why is s/he doing this to me? What did I do?”

Understand that self-blame can get you nowhere. Your mind might try to make you feel like the villain of the game, more so if your self esteem has always been fragile. Even otherwise, when your spouse denies sex, it can be deeply painful because it is one of the worst kinds of rejection ever. It might even feel like you need someone to blame just so you can stay sane!

Blaming yourself or your spouse for the state of your sexless marriage is counterproductive. You’re only pushing your partner away from you even more. If they are sleeping in the same room up until now, blaming them will simply have them shifting to the couch!

Instead of a destructive attitude, try to be proactive. Both partners need to accept a part of the blame because passion does not dry up overnight. A sexless marriage is just the symptom – the real cause is something else. Find out what it is.

More importantly, you have to work with your spouse to decide on the way forward. How can you change your relationship for the better? How can you get back the old fire? How can you attain the same irresistible desire to shower your mate with love?

It is easy to pass up responsibility or feel guilty. But, these negative emotions will simply stop you from looking at the problem from all angles. The desire to blame can blind you. Only when you get past the blame game can you start seeing the way ahead of you. 


Why did My Man Lose His Sex Drive?

It goes against all the cultural stereotypes, doesn’t it? For years, women were the ones who were pictured as having the eternal headache in bed. Now, astonishingly, the male population wants it less and less and women are up in arms! Are men having headaches too?

Why do men lose their sex drive?

According to marriage therapists, reasons are many – and some of these reasons are contrary to expectations!

The normal reasons are all there – loss of libido due to the effects of aging, and the natural slump in sex drive that results from a number of medical conditions, like high blood pressure, diabetes or heart problems.

According to a number of studies, high stress levels that men are expected to absorb is a major factor in them experiencing a loss of sex drive. All at once, there is a sudden increase in pressure at office and at home. At one time, men were expected to bring home the daily bread. Now, they are expected to excel in high pressure jobs, bring home big fat bonuses, be fantastic dads, become model husbands and dream lovers. Something that many men find impossible to live up to.

Another major factor is the changing equation in gender roles and the effect it is having on the psyche of men and women. These days, more and more women are super achievers in their chosen field. They are achieving the bonuses that once belonged only to men, besides working hard at home, taking care of the kids and doing the laundry. Naturally, women tend to get critical of men, because hey, now women are doing all that men once did and more. This criticism seems to be turning it sour for men. Many men withhold sex because they consciously or unconsciously use it as a tool to punish the “dragon”. 

According to marriage counselors and sex therapists, it is important for women to appreciate their men more. Men, on the other hand, need to go the extra mile to keep their women happy even on those nights when they don’t feel like it.

Ultimately, there is only one advice for men and women who are frustrated with the lack of intimacy in their marriage: just do it! Once there is a perfect match in sexual expectations and fulfillment, all related issues will be solved automatically.

 

Discover how to Deal with a Sexless Marriage

Lack of passion in your married life driving you crazy? If it’s any consolation, you are not alone. A good number of married couples enjoy sex fewer than 10 times a year. Shockingly, many couples even live in complete celibacy.

The lack of sex does is not the end of the rope, but it is an indication that your marriage is on shaky ground. 

Dealing with a sexless marriage requires a lot of tact and perseverance from both partners. First of all, you need to understand why you are staying with your partner in spite of your obvious unhappiness. There must be something there.

When you get married, you are accepting a package deal. There are all sorts of things you learn to accept about your mate, but the fact that he or she does not ‘have the hots for you’ is difficult to accept. Still, there are people who feel that for reasons best known to themselves, they cannot walk away from the marriage in spite of the lack of intimacy. If that describes your situation, then, you have to take the decision responsibly, examining what it means to you in the long run. 

Marriage poses a number of tough challenges along the way. Lack of intimacy is one such challenge, though a crushing one. Successful couples are those who believe in working out each problem as it arises. The most important thing is to face the problem head-on, together. Don’t let the problem drive a wedge between you. It is YOUR problem, not his or hers. It is both of you against one problem.

Some people might find it embarrassing to discuss their problems openly. Going for a counseling session together could be a good idea, if only so you can both speak your minds without feeling threatened or angry. You can avoid counseling altogether if you can both sit down and have a healthy, constructive conversation. But remember, no yelling and no recriminations. 

If your partner is denying you sex, then, you may surely surmise that issues that are half buried are putrefying. If problems from the past are raising their ugly heads, you need to resolve these issues before you move forward. It does not happen the other way around. 

One of the best ways to deal with a sexless marriage is to keep it as normal as possible while dealing with the situation in all honesty. You must not allow the lack of intimacy to sabotage your happiness. Go out, have fun, share the ups and downs in life. Also, do not ignore your problem. Ignoring it and going on as if nothing is happening is the surest way to disaster.


How Can You be Happy in a Sexless Marriage? 

It’s a tough question because sex has an important place in a marriage - for a reason. Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. When you are just getting to know your mate, good sex brings you close emotionally and physically. As the years go by, sex is as much as expression of affection as it is of need.

Unfortunately, sex is like thirst. Once you experience the lack of it, you feel like you want it more and more. 

So, it takes a lot to be happy in a sexless marriage. If there is no intimacy in a marriage, one or both partners could be feeling the strain of emotional estrangement.

Here are some tips to help you remain happy in a sexless marriage:

First, be honest with each other in exploring the reasons for the lack of sex. Is it that you have suddenly lost interest in sex altogether or just in sex with your partner? If it is the latter, you might find it difficult to be honest with your mate. But, you need to let them in on the painful secret.

According to marriage counselors, nagging and blaming can kill marital happiness faster than anything else. But, if you want to stay happy in a sexless marriage, you have to get past the bitterness. You need to stop blaming each other or yourself. What good would it do anyway? So what if the blame is yours or your spouse’s? It does not change reality.

Even if sex is out, you could still find fulfillment in your marriage by being intimate with each other. Kiss, snuggle and hold each other. Express your need for each other in a way that satisfies you emotionally.

Even if your marriage has become sexless, there is no need to act as if you are asexual. Instead, go on frequent dates with your mate. Do all the fun things you used to do together. Give yourselves a break from the hard feelings. 

A purely celibate relationship is a great strain on your psyche. But, if your spouse is worth it and if you are unwilling to walk away from the wonderful history you share with a great human being, then, you need to try hard and walk the delicate line.


Top tips to Overcome the Frustration of Sexless Marriage

A sexless marriage may look like a normal marriage from the outside. Spouses may behave and act normally, and they may even find pleasure in each other’s company. But, a relationship in which there is no sexual fulfillment is like a tap with a leak. The pleasure of the bond leaks away bit by bit, until, in the end there is only the shell of togetherness left.

When one partner yearns for more physical fulfillment and demands more intimacy and the other partner is too distracted, busy, stressed or angry to understand and fulfill this desire, the result is frustration. And frustration is the worm that lives in the heart of the apple.

Some of the best ways to overcome the frustration of a sexless marriage are: 

Talk positive: Too many times, we are highly critical of our partners. We may not know it, but we are actually killing the very thing that they love in us. Instead of picking on their failings, try praising their achievements. When the other person feels good about themselves and the world, they are more likely to start responding to your needs positively. 

Exercise: Studies have shown that men and women who are in great physical shape are most likely to enjoy sex more. Exercise, develop a great body. 

Share: Living under one roof is not enough, you also need to share your daily lives, and find the time to get pleasure from sharing. Yes, kids may be crying at the table, one of them may be running a fever or the other may be ready for their ballet classes. In the middle of all this, partners need to find an anchor that keeps them tied to each other. 

Make out: Remember when you were first dating, how you would play games with each other, flirt, entice and toy with the other person’s desire? Have those kinds of dates. It is not necessary that such evenings always end in sex. Just allow yourself to feel the same things you did when you were courting. 

Find hobbies and interests: Do not build your life around your spouse. This is hard advice to follow, particularly in these times when everyone is so busy with the office and the family that there is no time to cultivate other interests or hobbies. Give each other space. This very space acts like an aphrodisiac. 

The reasons that lead to a sexless marriage are varied and quite complicated. But, instead of feeling bitter and increasingly frustrated over the lack of physical intimacy, become actively involved in the welfare of your marriage. Work at it, as you would work on a project from office, and you’ll start noticing the difference!


Top Advice for Men in a Sexless Marriage

If you’re a man who has to deal with the headache syndrome in your wife more times than you care, then, you must be battling a deep, dark pit of pain, frustration and despair. Imagine this:

“I want it 3-5 times a day but my wife agrees to it only 2-3 times in a fortnight”.. or,

“My wife is so caught up with the kids that she has no energy left for sex. It’s always ‘Tomorrow, honey’”..

In situations like these, it is easy to lose control and behave like a beast. But, keep in mind that your beauty is not going to fall in love with the beast you’re becoming. In fact, she is only going to develop a back ache and a stomach upset in addition to all those headaches!

If you are a man living in a sexless marriage, here are some things you can do to make the situation better:

Many women feel alienated because their expectations are not met. It could be that you are ignoring her or not doing justice to your role as a husband or father. Remember, women get turned on when they see you interacting with the children in a positive manner. And they are put off when you don’t do your half of the job. So, if you’re lazy, you know what to do.

Could she be bored? If you’re the type who believes in the shortest route to self-fulfillment, chances are that she has caught on, and she absolutely abhors your techniques. Why not give her what she wants, for a change? Change your techniques, do something new, give her a massage and let her enjoy some free time before you initiate sex. For a woman, the rituals that precede sex are as important or even more important that the act itself.

Do not smother her with your need. She could be having genuine problems with her health. Or, she could be having some huge problem at work that is eating up all her energy and attention. Try to understand where she is coming from. Maybe, a hug, a passionate kiss and some snuggling is all she can handle at this time.

Find other things to do. Keep yourself busy so you do not keep playing and re-playing the same old tracks in your mind. It is natural for spouses in sexless marriages to get stuck in a cesspool of hatred, anger and bitterness. Pull yourself out of it.

Men have a habit of coming on too strong but women are acutely sensitive to the changes in their immediate environment. A woman cannot enjoy sex until she is feeling emotionally connected with the man. If you want to have your wife waiting and eager in bed, it is important that you satisfy her emotionally before you seek fulfillment from her.


Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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By CMe
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