| || || | It is said that marriages are made in paradise and celebrated on earth. Marriages are special occasions, and everyone wants to celebrate it in a grand way, so that they cherish the moment throughout their lives. There are numerous things that you need to keep in mind, in order to make this occasion memorable. Once the marriage date is fixed you have to arrange for an appropriate marriage venue, which is a vital part of the ceremony.
On several occasions you won’t be able to book your desired venue, and at times your preferred location is out of your budget. Once the venue is selected you have to look for a suitable invitation card, make a guest list and then send the cards on time. At times, selecting an appropriate invitation card is really tiresome, and chances are there that you might forget to invite a close relative. It is a fact that in a marriage people hardly enjoys the ceremony without being bothered about the associated chores.
There have been instances when people barley got time to look up for a suitable caterer and ended up by spoiling the ceremony and the mood of the party. It’s really traumatic to browse through a list of catalogs and search the net for a responsible caterer. Selecting suitable wedding outfits, accessories, and most importantly the wedding ring, can be confusing. If both the bride and the groom are working, then things get more disordered as both of them hardly have the time to devote for the marriage requisites.
On various occasions people forget to hire a photographer and they loose the chance of capturing the golden moments of their lives. Everyone wants to look their best at their wedding, but what if you have not arranged for a professional beautician? Other things apart you also have to make the arrangements for proper music and toast makers. After the hectic schedule you may end up failing to make arrangements for your honeymoon, and regret it for the rest of your life.
After doing all the chores related to the wedding preparation people tend to forget the importance of the special day. They stress themselves so much that they loose their sleep and end up having bad dreams. So the first thing you need to do is relax and organize everything in advance, and make proper sitting arrangements so that the guests can have a comfortable time. Give a trial for your wedding outfit, so that necessary alterations can be made. Make an advance booking for your wedding cake and bouquet.
If you are planning for a caterer, then ask your friends or relatives to taste some food prepared by them before finalizing the deal. In case you want to stay away from all the chaos then you should hire a professional wedding planner, and bid goodbye to all you worries. The wedding planner will help you with your wedding venue, invitation cards, party decorations, music, and food arrangements. They will create a detailed schedule for the day, so that everything runs smoothly.
How to Fight Infidelity in Your Marriage
Infidelity has been the root cause of the ruin and collapse of many happy marriages. It has not only destroyed vibrant houses but many individuals as well. Many couples never see it coming. While some hear it knocking, they open the door willingly or unconsciously not knowing who was knocking or what was on the other side. Husbands and wives should learn how to live and keep the promise pledged to each other. They must be willing to constantly struggle and persevere in love and continuously renew their desire to live in unity and affection between themselves. While we scream of infidelity, you should know that there are two types of infidelity.
Type 1: Infidelity of the heart: This is a worse danger in marriages, but it is usually given less attention. It starts of in a very gentle and quiet manner with a lack of communication between spouses. If this kind of infidelity is present in your marriage, you will feel a real attitude of coldness between you and your spouse. Your relationship with your spouse will be strained by lack of understanding. Affection or companionship will suddenly drown.
Type 2: Infidelity of the body: This is the most common known type among spouses, where one commits an extra marital affair or where one spouse breaks the promise pledged to the other. This is mostly the consequence of the prolonged absence of one spouse, probably by honest, professional reason or the premature or normal onset of old age on the part of either partner. So how do you deal with infidelity? How do you overcome it? How do you avoid it? Many people would advice that you go for therapy or marriage counseling. Yes, this is good, but while this is good you should know that it does not really pierce through he heart. It only works on your emotions, by helping you fell good about yourself or your partner and your relationship, all hiding behind a smile. There is only one logical solution and eighty percent of marriage counselors advice it. The answer is to fight.
Step 1: Fight to overcome obstacles you are faced with. Always bear in mind that all marriages have their share of frictions and problems and it is in facing these problems, we learn to draw strength from our weaknesses and conquer. For it is a cowardly and disloyal act for a person, who when faced with difficulty begins to think of desertion.
Step 2: Fight to forgive. Forgive offences, heal whatever is wounded and try to rediscover the peace of reconciliation and pardon, taking the advice of st Paul the apostle, “do not let resentment lead you into sin, the sunset must not find you still angry.” (Eph 4: 26)
Step 3: Fight against tiredness, discouragement, misunderstanding, misinterpretation of actions, doubts and the trials of long life.
Step 4: Fight against silence: Try to talk to your spouse, be in constant communication, not to be a spy ware, but a living and caring partner. Talk about what bothers you and what does not. You could talk of the beautiful weather or a nice song or compliment your spouse effort on something done or achieved.
Step 5: Fight against dryness. Keep your marriage alive, by installing god activities. Taking time out with each other either going to movies, the opera or even visiting old relatives. Above all kill dryness by taking time out to pray with each other and pray for your marriage.
When you are the one who have violated your partner’s trust, here are some steps to help you win it back.
Step 1: Stop asking: Do not ask or expect your partner to do for you all the things they used to do. Don’t wait to be served. Do your chores yourself. Start denying yourself some privileges you once had.
Step 2: Start giving: Consistent deposits, could push your relationships into a surplus. Find ways to make your partner’s life easier. Be ready to serve and not to be served. It could be small courtesies, thoughtful deeds or little considerations, that serve and salve.
Step 3: Faith and focus: Start believing in God and in your marriage again. Focus on the good side of your spouse and paint a picture of how you would want your marriage to be. Then give your attention to it, holding it firmly in your mind. Your belief and focus will create for you this picture and give your mind’s attention to.
The Best Thing You Can Do To Save Your Marriage
Marriages don’t always happen because two people love each other. There are all kinds of reasons why two people get married, but of course the most important reason why to people decide to unite their destiny is love. There is nothing worse than a marriage to fail when the spouses got married because they loved each other and vowed to be together till death do them part. You might say happy endings are just in fairy tales and romance movies. But you could never be further away from the truth.
Look around you and you will see happy couples and sad couples. In which one of the two categories do you want to belong to? If you are thinking that it cannot be as simple as this, you are wrong. If you wake up one morning and look at your spouse and wonder yourself who is the stranger besides you, it means that there are some problems in your marriage, but nothing that has to be solved through separation or even worse, divorce.
What you have to do is sit down, take a day off if possible and think about your life and your married life. Think about the time you met your spouse, all the dreams you had together and all the ones you made come true. Think of your spouse and what made you decide you want to marry him, think about how you both changed and what kind of things came into your life and made you look at him like you were looking at a stranger. Put your thoughts together and try to find a way to start a conversation with your spouse about what bothers you.
Communication is the best thing that you can do to your marriage. Always find a way to communicate with your spouse. Of course the best way is face-to-face, but this is the technology era and you can always send him a text message, an email or a photo of you or something that has meaning for both of you. Find time to tell your spouse “I love you” at least twice a day and show your affection. If you are having lack of communication problems, try to figure out when they started and do your best to fix the problem.
If you feel there is a gap between you two and things are not like they were in the beginning of your marriage, pin point the problems and try to fix them. Remember that if you communicate with your spouse, even if you are having an argument, the chances to fix things and any misunderstandings between the two of you are higher. If talking and trying to solve things out on your own is not as successful as you would like it to be, consider going to a specialist on marriage problems and a marriage counselor, before you pay a visit to your lawyer. It takes two to make a marriage work and solve any problems that appear in your couple and your family, and you should try and figure out things between the two of you rather than announcing everyone that you are thinking of separation.
One common statement made by someone who committed adultery is that it wasn't planned, "it just happened." Adultery doesn't just happen. There are steps that are taken by two people who desire to be together. The way in which a husband and wife can prevent falling into the trap of adultery is by taking the following steps
- A big mistake is when a person says, "I would never do that." Never assume you are so righteous or self-controlled that you could never do such a thing. Instead, you need to think it can happen to you.
- If your needs are going unmet, you seriously need to tell your spouse. Get marital counseling. Otherwise, it is almost sure you will end up having an affair.
- Conduct yourself properly at all times in an upright manner.
- The second you find yourself thinking a person is attractive, run like hell. Do everything you can to NOT be around that person, especially alone.
- Watch what you say and do because there are consequences to our actions. Words can be misconstrued or even taken out of context. Actions can be misinterpreted.
- Don't flirt with someone other than your spouse. That sends a clear message that you are not happy in your marriage.
- If you are hanging around with too many singles, chances are you will be tempted to cheat on your spouse. Try to avoid hanging out with singles or with people that are having affairs. Hang out with married couples, especially ones that have a good marriage.
- It is okay to have acquaintances of the opposite sex. However, men should not have female friends that they hang out with. Likewise, women should not be hanging out with other men. Your best friend should be your spouse, not the girl/guy next door or at the job.
- Do not ride alone with the opposite sex in a car (especially when that person is attractive), definitely not at night.
- Intimacy occurs when two people spend a lot of time together and share each other's problems and secrets. Do not tell your problems to someone of the opposite sex (especially an attractive one). This creates intimacy, which always leads to other things. Never share marital problems with the hottie at your job.
- Do not accept greeting cards or gifts from someone you find attractive or someone you think is attracted to you.
- Wear your wedding ring. Although nowadays people rarely care that you are married, it is still a good idea to wear it.
- Think "consequences." What if I do this thing, will my spouse be bothered by it? Will my marriage be affected by it?
- If you attend school, as many adults do now, do not study with someone of the opposite sex. Men need to find a man to study with or to call for information.
- Women need to find another woman.
- Do not hug or kiss the (attractive) opposite sex. This is too risky.
- Do not allow the opposite sex to visit your home if you are alone.
- Respect and honor your spouse. Do not belittle, mock, curse, be sarcastic, call names, accuse falsely, physically hit, yell at, deceive and lie to one another. Do not put down your spouse in public (or private). It causes shame, embarrassment and low self-esteem. Do not take your spouse for granted.
- If your spouse asks you to disconnect yourself from a certain person, you ought to respect their wishes and do so. It has nothing to do with them trying to control you. It has to do with them trying to prevent adultery.
- Be accountable to your spouse and to a trusted friend. Do not complain that you feel like you have no privacy. Privacy is what leads people to have affairs. Be an open book. With today's technology, every person has their own cell phone and their own computer. This opens a tremendous door for a spouse to cheat because of the "privacy" they have. Let your spouse know all the passwords to everything you have.
This list may sound a bit harsh and it goes against the grain but it will prevent you from committing adultery. Keep open communication with your spouse. Always be willing to share what bothers you. Always keep trying to make the marriage better. Always look for ways to keep the marriage fresh.
To Save The Marriage You Need To Invite Mr. Intimacy!
You need to understand that when you strive to save the marriage there must be the believe that you will do just that. If you don’t have that believe within yourself then whatever effort you put into the rescue mission will be half hearted and without any real commitment.
You need to believe that it is possible to save your marriage. Very important and quite simply if you believe, it will show in your sincerity and efforts to rescue the marriage. And this believe will be contagious and rub off on your spouse.
If you got this believe then the first thing you must ask yourself is if your marriage suffer from a lack of intimacy. And here you must look past physical intimacy and explore emotional intimacy between you and your spouse. This ingredient is normally where marriage troubles start.
The important questions to ask is:
- Is there transparency in the marriage? Is there situations where you do not share and include your spouse but rather exclude them when it comes to your emotions. By dealing with things on your own and excluding your spouse you invite trouble. You must aim to share and include your spouse when it comes to your emotional needs.
- Do your spouse know what bothers you? You need to share with your spouse your problems and worries. Your spouse knows if something bothers you and by not sharing the things which worries you you will create a situation where your spouse will begin to feel shut out and hurt.
And it also opens the door for your spouse to stop sharing with you and soon both of you will be in the dark about each others feelings and problems. If this happens you will not be able to support each other when you need each other the most. This will only create a chasm between you and your spouse which may with time be to wide to bridge.
- Do I make enough time for my spouse? We all live in a time where there is so much things which demands our attention and steals away our time that we sometimes forget to spare some of our time for our spouse. You need to make some time for your spouse before you come to a stage in the marriage where it is to late to salvage it.
What you can do is include your spouse into your schedule by taking a afternoon or day off and surprise them with activities where you two have some fun and time just for yourself and without all the distractions of your everyday life. This they will appreciate.
To save the marriage it is important to have strong emotional intimacy with your spouse where they feel treasured and important to you. Do not let your marriage drive on auto-pilot but take the time and give the effort to build a strong intimate relationship consistently and by doing this your marriage will thrive and withstand anything.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA