Dealing With Jealous Girlfriend

Published on by CMe




Dealing With Jealous Girlfriend


Female jealousy can rear its ugly head when you least expect it. If you can relate to one of the following examples, read on to determine whether your girlfriend's jealousy is extreme or manageable. Dealing with a jealous girlfriend is no joyride, even if the rest of the relationship is on par with a Yankees championship season. That's why we're going to let you know just how to deal with your jealous girlfriend.

Jealousy around every corner
On a clear Sunday afternoon, Jeff decides to go for a walk with his girlfriend, Clara. Lo and behold, there is a beautiful red Ferrari parked on the street. 

Unfortunately for Jeff, he can't help but stare at this wonderful work of art. He stops walking and turns his head a full 90 degrees to fully appreciate the magnificent machine.

When he finally snaps out of his trance, he raises his head. To his horror, there is a beautiful brunette wearing a tight white T-shirt and a really short skirt walking right by the Ferrari.

 Jeff swallows his saliva. He knows that he is in big trouble with his girlfriend.

In less than two seconds, Clara loses her mind and screams: "Bastard! How can you disrespect me by looking at another woman while I'm around you? I'll bet you want to screw her. So you wanna be with her? Then run to her like the dog you are!"

Jealousy among friends
During a corporate Christmas dinner, an unsuspecting gentleman by the name of Craige Jones introduces his wife Cheryl Ann to his beautiful coworker Fae.

Craige: Honey, I'd like you to meet my coworker Fae. She's probably the company's greatest asset. 

Cheryl Ann: (Thinking to herself, "Judging by the size of her breasts, I can see why she's such a great asset.") Hello, Fae, it's such a pleasure to finally meet you. 

Fae: Oh, hi, Mrs. Jones, it's really nice to finally meet you too. Your husband has told me so many nice things about you. 

Cheryl Ann: (Thinking to herself: "I knew the dog was spending too much time with her. I wonder what else he's said about me.") Really? Well, thank you for sharing that with me. 

Craige: Wow, I knew the two of you would get along well. Sweetie, maybe you can invite Fae over for dinner sometime and cook that special lasagna of yours. You know, the one I love so much. 

Cheryl Ann: (Thinking to herself: "I can't believe he wants to bring this blonde bimbo into my home.") That's a great idea. Fae, you definitely must come over for dinner sometime. 

Fae: I'd love to. Just as long as you don't poison me. (Everyone breaks into howling laughter.) 

Cheryl Ann: (Also chuckles, thinking to herself: "Well then, arsenic it is, darling.") 

During the car ride home, Cheryl Ann can no longer contain her anger and explodes at her husband. 

Cheryl Ann: So ho w long has this been going on between the two of you? 

Craige: What in god's name are you talking about? 

Cheryl Ann: Oh come on, I saw the way you looked at her. Don't tell me you haven't banged her at the office. 

Craige: Where do you come up with this nonsense? 

Cheryl Ann: I'll bet she sleeps with all the men at the office. 

Spot extreme jealousy early

Every man will go through the stressful situation of dealing with a jealous girlfriend at some point in his life. But some unfortunate souls, such as Jeff and Craige, will have the misfortune of dating really jealous women.

These women suffer from extreme cases of jealousy. In fact, if you shake the ground beneath their feet with a little competition, they lose all confidence and take it out on you until the fabric of the relationship is stained -- or even destroyed.


Signs she's extremely jealous

  1. She calls you every two hours just to say, "I love you," but it is actually a premise to check up on you.
  2. She refuses to accept that you have female friends.
  3. When you get home from your boys' night out, you get an all-night interrogation.
  4. She doesn't like you to go anywhere without her.
  5. She gets angry every time you come within 50 feet of another attractive woman and demands: "What are you looking at?"
  6. She blows up at you anytime you mention a female celebrity.
  7. She constantly questions you about your female coworker
  8. She's even jealous of your family and asks questions like: "Why were you talking to your mother for so long?"
  9. She tries to trap you with questions like, "Do you find her pretty?" and freaks out no matter what you answer.
  10. You're afraid. You're very afraid.

Is dealing with a jealous girlfriend worth it?

If you've experienced three or more of these signs, it's time to begin contemplating whether enduring your girlfriend's abuse is worth it. Maybe it's time to put your foot down and tell her that she has to respect you a little more or you'll be out of her life for good.

However, don't end a perfectly good relationship because your girlfriend is a little jealous. Sure, too much jealousy can destroy a partnership, but a little can go a long way; it may even be essential for a healthy relationship.

Dr. David Buss, author of The Dangerous Passion, says: "Jealousy is as important as trust in keeping couples together." He notes that: "jealousy evolved to fill that void, motivating vigilance as the first line of defense and violence as the last. The paradox is that jealousy -- an emotion evolved to protect love -- can rip a relationship apart."

Having a little jealousy can enrich relationships, spark passion and sexual energy, and strengthen a couple's devotion to each other. Therefore, you shouldn't panic if your partner shows some signs of jealousy. As long as you don't feel scared, stressed or like you're walking on eggshells, you don't have to worry.

On the other hand, your own actions could be contributing to her insecurities and spawning that dreaded green-eyed monster. Sometimes, without even realizing it, men add fuel to their women's flames. Try to steer clear of the following situations.

Mistakes to avoid with a jealous girlfriend

Checking out other women
When walking with your woman, noticing beauty is natural -- just have the decency to be subtle about it and don't ogle. If the shoe was on the other foot, it would be killing you.

Solution: If it's a sunny day, wear sunglasses so that your wandering eyes can gawk all they want. Just don't turn your head.

Having a female best friend
Your girlfriend will most likely be jealous if your best friend happens to be another woman. She won't be able to help but wonder what you've done with her in the past and what may happen in the future. But this is no reason to end a great friendship.

Solution: Keep your friendship with the other woman, but prioritize your love life; don't be too touchy with your best friend and always pay more attention to your girlfriend. Most importantly, don't continuously talk about your best friend with your lover.

Paying too much attention to your friend's girlfriend
At times, your buddy might have a better-looking woman. Believe me, your girlfriend will be well aware of this. So don't spend your double date drooling over your friend's girl.

Solution: Pay attention to your woman and never make fun, insult or crack jokes about her in front of your friends.

Offering poor excuses

Most men use the same excuse over and over again when they go out with the boys: "I had a horrible time. The night was just not the same without you." Yes, that's right, and my dog is a vegetarian. Women are not stupid. By saying that you had a bad time, you will only make your girlfriend wonder if you have something to hide.

Solution: Be honest -- but not too honest. Tell her that you had a good time with your buddies, but nothing compares to hanging out with your favorite girl.

Criticizing beautiful women
Many men will look at other women when they're with their girlfriends and say: "Can you believe that girl? Look at what she's wearing. What a slut! I mean, look at her. Can you believe her? Look at how short her skirt is. If that was my girlfriend, I'd..." Meanwhile, their tongues are dragging on the floor behind them. Don't kid yourself; your girlfriend knows that you're checking out the other woman -- especially if you say the word "look" more than once in the same sentence.

Solution: Just keep your mouth shut or at least don't criticize while gawking; it's a big contradiction.

More jealous girlfriend no-nos
Comparing her to other women

A man will often shoot himself in the foot by trying to compliment his woman in comparison to other women. Avoid saying things like: "Of all the women here, you have the sexiest legs." She'll think that you're not satisfied and that you're constantly comparing her to other women. Eventually, she will begin to feel uncomfortable -- as if she always has to be on her toes.
Solution: Compliment her without comparing her. Simply say, "You have sexy legs."

Being infatuated with female celebrities
Yes, if you had the chance to sleep with Adriana Lima, you would. But your woman doesn't have to know this. Stop talking about your favorite celebrity and how many times you dream about her.
Stop sending love letters to Adriana Lima's fan club. Stop acting as though you're already married to her. Your fantasies about celebrities should remain in your head.

Being too interested in adult material
Watching porn or looking at pictures of naked women in magazines can make your woman feel unappreciated and insecure.

Solution: If she's not comfortable with it, don't do it in front of her. Better yet, try making your own video with your girlfriend so you can watch it together later.

Suggesting physical changes
Some men tell their girlfriends that they should dye their hair from black to blond, wear colored contact lenses or get breast implants. How would you feel if your woman told you to get a penis enlargement?

Solution: Accept your girlfriend as she is or date someone else.

Excluding her from your future plans
If you don't include her in your future plans, she'll begin to think that her days with you are numbered.

Solution: Reassure her about your future together by saying things like: "Next year, we should take a vacation together."

Healthy vs. Extreme jealousy
As long as you appreciate your girlfriend and treat her with the respect that she deserves, there should be no reason for her to doubt your intentions. Sure, a little jealousy can help the relationship, but if you're acting like the perfect gentleman and she still doubts your actions, it's time to reevaluate your relationship

Dealing with Jealously

No.1 - Seek therapy
If all else fails, the final way to deal with jealousy is to seek professional help for your irrational feelings and thoughts. If you can't settle this issue yourself, then don't hesitate to ask for assistance.

In the meantime, if you don't think you measure up to your male competitors, take the time to do a little self-improvement: work out, learn new things and get a new look.

A word of warning: if a woman really wants to cheat, she will. No chastity schemes will keep her from it, so you might as will live your life and let the chips fall where they may.

No.2 - Hire a detective
Slipping further down the earnestness and seriousness scale of ways to deal with jealousy, we have professional services at your disposal. Have a private investigator follow her around for a day and log her activities. Once you realize that all she does is work and come home, you'll have no reason to be paranoid.

No.3 - Test her
If you're getting desperate, then perhaps some devious and dishonest tactics might assuage your dread. Try sending a good-looking friend of yours to hit on her (one she doesn't know, of course). Your imagination, which often features her sleeping with every man that talks to her, might just vanish once she rejects him cold.

No.4 - Replay what it's like to pick up chicks
Remember how hard it was to hit on girls and get rejected all the time? Remember how much it sucked finding out your target lady had a man? Well, keep in mind that when guys hit on your girl, they're dealing with that rejection too -- maybe several times a day. Poor bastards. The struggle of others is a fine way to deal with jealousy, if that's what it takes.

No.5 - Turn your jealousy into flattery
As the old saying goes, if you can't beat 'em, find some way to make yourself look good anyhow. So, instead of tripping out and setting off fights every time a man glances at her, take it as a compliment. Keep in mind that she's sleeping in your bed and no one else's. Take this time to review you're good qualities in lieu of comparing yourself to other men.

No.6 - Inquire if you're curious
When it comes to dealing with jealousy, you might even want to do the unthinkable and -- it's a long shot, but -- talk to her about it. Articulate how you've been feeling and she'll do her best to reassure you that there's nothing to worry about. If you must, get details on her time away. So if she tells you she's working late, for example, ask with whom and how long she'll be.

No.7 - Face your fears
If you think that each second away from you is a man-tasting party, go out with her and see how harmless her nights out really are. You should meet all her friends, especially her guy friends. The cold hard facts will keep your imagination from scuttling away.

No.8 - Speak to her friends and family
Sincerely and candidly talk to the people who know her best. In a friendly way, ask them to talk about your girl, and let them reassure you what a good woman you have.

Also, try hanging out with her friends to know more about that part of her world (i.e., the world without you). Maybe you'll see that, hey, they're not all two-timing tarts like you once thought.

No.9 - Have her turn the tables
There's nothing like a mirror to make you see how silly you look. If you're the controlling type who calls her every hour to inquire about where she is, have her do the same to you. After a few days of incessant and irritating check-up calls, you'll realize that it's annoying and irrational. You'll see that not being in the same room 24/7 really isn't that big a deal.

No.10 - Ask yourself why you're jealous
First, you have to get to the root of your feelings. The way you react to things has been wired into your brain over time, as your collective experiences shaped your character. Let's break them down and see which one resembles you:

  • Past experience: Your last girl cheated on you, and you've been on high guard ever since.
  • Projection: You're a player yourself, dawdling among the womenfolk, so you assume that she's going behind your back as well.
  • You drink or take drugs. Yeah, toxic substances have that grating little side effect of making you a paranoid freak.
  • You're not used to a social woman: A woman who's always around friends, both male and female, is a foreign concept, therefore, untrustworthy.
  • You're insecure. Let's face it; you don't think you're good enough for her, so you go crazy with the thought of losing her.
  • You're a pessimist. You think that all good things must come to an end, and this one surely will. That is, unless you make an ass of yourself trying to prolong it with excessive protection.
  • She told you about her past. So she's an experienced one and her old flames are still in town. The thought of her sleeping with ex-boyfriends drives you nuts.
  • She always wants to have sex with you. Here's one you didn't expect, but her uncanny sexual appetite gets you jealous. You fear that if you're not around, she'll want to have sex with another guy.

Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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