Dealing with family gossip

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Dealing With Family Gossip

 
 
   
Dealing with family gossip can be hurtful, degrading, sad, discriminating, ruin a family relationship for life, rip a family apart, destroy the loyalty within a family, reap severe consequences, and cause wars like the Hatfield's and McCoy's. Gossiping is a dangerous problem when it is in any family. We should think before we say anything about any family member or anyone for that matter. A lot of people naturally carry their feelings on their shoulders and the lest thing can set them off and ignite a fire that will last a lifetime.

Gossip is a constant in a lot of families and much of what is said about the person they're gossiping about is speculation instead of truth. Each person views different subjects in a completely different manner. It is best never to talk or tell-tale anything about a family member to another family member or relative. What you carry to another, you may think you're confiding it in a secretive manner but...it will be repeated. Once it makes its circles through the family and outsiders, the person who was talked about will always hear what was said, and yes, who said it, and there will have been lots more added to the situation than was initially said.

When we open our mouths to talk about anyone, we are opening Pandora's box, and we are going to hurt someone's feelings and they may never forgive us. A lot of people can for instance see a family member talking to an opposite sex person and it will be only a neighbor or a co-worker they've run into and as soon as the person who saw them gets home they phone their families, and say, "Guess what...I saw Jane down at the grocery store, behind one of the counters, talking to a member of the opposite sex and they were laughing and having a gay ole time. What do you think about that? Do you think we should tell our brother/sister? This is the same thing as stabbing someone in the center of their back. They may be married to a severely jealous man/women and this could start a never forgiving fight between the two people and they may end up in divorce by only talking to a friend.

Gossip is dangerous in any family and it should be avoid at every level. Never tell people anything they can take out of context and blow it up into dangerous gossip. I've found in my long life that it's best to say only nice things about people and you'll never get into any problems over gossip. I'm an outspoken person, and if I have something to say, it certainly won't be to someone else, it will be to the person I have a problem with.

In our family we have several who loves to constantly get on the phone and stir up problems about every situation you can think of and they keep a spat going on in the family all the time. I've grown to know these people, who are gossip mongers, and when they try to tell me something about a family member, I tell them I'm not interested in hearing any gossip about the person and could we please move on to something else. Let me let you in on a "secret," they hang up real soon and don't call for a long while.

Gossip in families...destroys families and one should always think before speaking or they could lose a family member for life.

What Is Female Bullying?
The goals of the female bully may not be that different than those of the male bully, although some people point to key differences. The bully is usually a deeply insecure person who works out insecurities by making the lives of others miserable. He or she may specifically target people viewed as either competition or viewed as weak.

Female bullying can mean a variety of behaviors from intimidation, disgusting pranks, and obstruction of ability to do a job. Unlike the male bully, implied threats of physical violence, particularly in the work environment are less common of the female bully, though they can occur. More common behaviors in female bullying can include forming groups from which some people, typically other females, are excluded, spreading malicious gossip to others who have power to make decisions about a targeted person, over-emotionality (yelling, screaming), and finding other fairly covert means to degrade another person. Such bullying at work is often not that different from queen bee behaviors in cliques at junior high and high school, except another person may lose a job or feel forced to quit if bullying is successful

The whole idea that female bullying exists in the workplace tends to fly in the face of conventional thinking that women get along with each other and are the more cooperative of the genders. For years it’s been argued that a principal advantage of women in the workplace is this tendency toward group work, collaboration and cooperation. This is still true for many women, but there certainly remains a group apart from this that tries to get ahead through bully behavior instead of through creating collaborative environments. One explanation for this may be that there are still fewer women holding executive positions in many fields, and female bullying is one way to defeat competition. Alternately, if the behavior of the female bully was more or less ignored in school settings, some women may have never learned how to work in a collaborative way, and can only view achieving goals by the destruction or intimidation of others.

One theory advanced by Peggy Klaus in a 2009 article in the New York Times, “A Sisterhood of Workplace Infighting,” is that female bullying remains unaddressed in the workplace due to the fear that addressing it would prove a setback in the long fought battle for gender equality. Acknowledging that a few women do not know how to behave in the workplace might suggest that no women do and open the door for greater gender discrimination. However, Klaus and others suggest that some women really do need to be taught how to work without bullying, and some form of sensitivity training may be in order.

Advice for dealing with a female bullying or a destructive female clique in the workplace typically involves talking to management, but first documenting any behaviors that are destructive or aggressive. This may be challenging to do if actions of the bully aren’t overt, and especially if the bully is backed up by other group members. However, documentation of any acts, and discussion with management or human resources may prove helpful. Newer models for training workers to be more cooperative are beginning to be employed in some workplaces. Those being bullied could also research those models and suggest their implementation in a work environment.


Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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