| || || | Today I heard a radio broadcast where the speaker discussed the changes he had observed among NBA players. He talked about the Old School players who played hard and had a loyalty to the team and the New School players who also played hard but were primarily focused on their personal gain. He felt that the direction to being so "Me" focused was not good for the sport. This got me thinking that over the years we have become a very "ME" focused society and this theme plays itself out in many arenas from sports to politics to families.
Couples have to find a balance in developing as individuals while at the same time focus on growing their relationship. The key is learning to establish a relationship balance that allows each individual to evolve while simultaneously strengthening the couple unit.
The secret to creating healthy committed relationships is to, besides valuing yourself, to truly value the well being of the relationship. Look at the relationship as a separate unique entity. There are three dimensions to a relationship - I, You, and We. All three are equally important and have to be nurtured. Align your individual goals with your relationship goals by asking," What do I want?" and "How will this impact my relationship?"
I have worked with many couples where each individual is much more focused on self and not simultaneously thinking of the relationship. I call these people "married singles". They are indeed a product of the "me" generation. The sad thing is that by being so me focused on personal fulfillment they are not giving to nor are they getting from their relationship what they desire. These couples generally manage their joint responsibilities, however they do not feel the intimacy and connection they yearn for from their relationship.
What is the answer? The answer is resetting the foundation of the relationship to encompass all three dimensions - yourself (I), each other (YOU) and the relationship as a loving entity (WE). By shifting your energy to caring about yourself, caring about your partner, and caring about the relationship the well being of all three parts is ensured. As you develop a shared purpose in your relationship you and your partner will be enhanced as individuals and feel love and commitment with each other.
Qualities Of A Good Spouse
Introduction: Marriage is an institution ordained by God and it is also the Union between a Man and a Woman. But unfortunately, there seems to be decisions and indecisions about the right person to choose as spouse. As a matter of fact, what qualities makes a perfect spouse? This is actually the bone of contention,, and here are some few questions;
The most important decision that bothers most people is who to marry. It takes more than love to make a successful marriage. Choose your spouse carefully.
Red Flags in Your Relationship:
If you realize that there are red flags or problematic issues in your relationship, don’t ignore them or delude yourself into thinking that the red flags aren’t that important or that someone you love will change. It does take more than love to have a successful marriage.
Where is this relationship headed? If you are currently in a relationship or just dating, the subject of knowing where the relationship is heading often comes up. But the most frequent way this is expressed in relationships is knowing whether or not you are “together” or going to live together or getting engaged or getting married. If you are already married, you may have already faced the question of “what are our goals as a couple?” However, if you haven’t considered goals in the relationship, then perhaps, this may be a good time to contemplate this idea. Where is this relationship headed?
If you are currently in a relationship or just dating, the subject of knowing where the relationship is heading often comes up. But the most frequent way this is expressed in relationships is knowing whether or not you are “together” or going to live together or getting engaged or getting married. If you are already married, you may have already faced the question of “what are our goals as a couple?” However, if you haven’t considered goals in the relationship, then perhaps, this may be a good time to contemplate this idea.
Some reasons why relationships go bad;
- If someone is busy with work,
- If there is little or no sex in the relationship,
- If someone has cheated,
- If someone feels as though they are giving more than they are recieving,
- Money issues,
- If someone is constantly lying,
- Ineffective communication especially when one partner does not reciprocate communications,
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA