Creating an Ecstatic Relationship

Published on by CMe



Creating an Ecstatic Relationship

  1. Know Thyself
    First, know who you are and what you want.

  2. Be ready and willing to do what's needed to create the relationship you want; go for results. Avoid getting caught up in who is right.

  3. Relationships thrive when both parties feel free to create the life they want; be willing to end codependency.

  4. The quality of our relationships are a reflection of the quality of our agreements; know your standards, boundaries and agreements - both for yourself and for the relationship. And create solid agreements as the foundation.

  5. Orient the relationship by honoring personal and professional goals that are important to both parties and nurture the common goals of the relationship.

  6. Communication sustains relationships; communicate everything that honors its growth; make a conscious choice to be consistent and keep your word.

  7. Clarify the purpose of the relationship and take actions that honor it; relationships create the dynamic tension that helps us become more than we would be on our own.

  8. Place attention on everything that enhances the quality of the relationship and creates a better life; doing so creates abundance.

  9. Deepen your ability to live from a place of trust and the impassioned living that comes from serving others; Renew what fuels the relationship. Being loving and serving others will bring you more happiness than being loved and served, as the latter creates dependency.

  10. Create a life that is totally managed so the focus is no longer on your needs, but on empowering others--your partner--to meet their needs. 

Initial Steps for Moving Away from Junk Food Sex 
When a sexual experience starts with an attitude of joy, respect, concern, and a sincere interest in the well-being of the other person, the gates to ecstatic sex open. 

When individuals first meet each other it is impossible to have intimate sex because they simply do not know one another. Yet, if there is a high degree of chemistry and physical attraction between the two of them the sexual impulse naturally comes into play.

So what do they do with this attraction? If the attraction is mutual and both individuals are on the same wavelength, then they have some decisions to make. They can either act impulsively and unconsciously and turn each other into a "junk food sex" snack, or they can get conscious and begin to open the doors to ecstatic sex. Here are some ways they can do so.

Going Fast or Taking it Slow -- An Honest Answer
Believe it or not, the hot and steamy initial sexual encounters promoted throughout society today,are more frequently than not junk food sex experiences. Though they can be exciting and stimulating, they are nearly always full of unspoken motivations (outined in the article titled Sex for All the Wrong Reasons) that ultimately lead to a state of dissatisfactions, let down, and even hurt and anger.

The only remedy for this is one people rarely consider before engaging in their first sexual encounter. They need to want an ecstatic sex experience over a junk food one. If they are into ecstatic sex they need to be honest right away about their expectations regarding becoming physical together. Then the initial reasons for engaging in sex together will include:

  • Desiring a playful encounter 

  • Looking for a healing of the heart (or emotions) 

  • Longing for a healing of the body 

  • Seeking to validate each other in a conscious way

Each of these motivations needs some careful dialogue and consideration between the two individuals before they initiate sexual activity. And, ultimately it makes no difference whether the couple has sex relatively close to meeting each other or waits a long period of time before doing so. Timing is not the issue here, being conscious is. an Ecstatic Life 
"Friend, hope for the Guest while you are alive, Jump into experience while you are alive!" Rumi 

Have you ever eaten something that made your mouth explode in ecstasy? Or read a poem that touched you so deeply that your heart filled to overflowing with love?

Perhaps you were hiking somewhere and suddenly you noticed how the leaves were iridescent in the sunlight. The smell of the woods intoxicated you and you became filled with a sense of connection to life itself. The beauty of life welled up inside you and took you by surprise.

Maybe you fell in love. Or for one blinding moment, lovemaking called you back to an ecstatic relationship with life. Maybe it happened for you giving birth to a child when you were overwhelmed with an all-encompassing love. Or perhaps you experienced ecstasy while dancing when you lost yourself in the music, or while listening to a symphony. Whatever the reason, it was during these times of illumination that life offered you a little taste of the sacred.

So what is ecstasy? Abraham Maslow describes it as, "peak experiences". Ecstasy is an experience of intense contentment and inner joy. To live a life filled with ecstasy is to live a life with our senses fully immersed in life. We then embrace the erotic nature of life as we thoroughly enjoy our five senses. Our ability to be in the here and now, to touch each moment fully is one of the keys to being able to access ecstasy in your everyday life.

Some of our most common experiences with ecstasy come when we are feeling the relief, joy, and exhilaration that comes with the sudden release of a difficult situation. Another common experience is during lovemaking with moments of intense pleasure and blessed release. But this is just a taste of what is possible. Ecstasy transcends sex.

We can learn to cultivate the quality of a great lover in the way we live our daily life. Ecstatic moments can be cultivated on a daily basis when we enter into a love affair with life. (Margo Anand, The Art of Everyday Ecstasy)

The tantric path teaches us to embrace and unify with the ordinary, the erotic, and the sacred dimensions of life, which all have their roots in Spirit. The Seven Tantric Keys of Awakening, are doorways and rituals that you can embrace in your life to reveal the inherent beauty and meaning of your ordinary life. These are taken from the book, The Art of Everyday Ecstasy, by Margo Anand.

The Seven Tantric Keys of Awakening
Say 'yes' to life in all its erotic passion. Go with the flow of the life force within you and all around you. Trust yourself and allow your personal power to manifest in life. Open your heart in loving compassion to yourself and others. Authentically express your creativity and your truth. Look within to achieve clarity and insight into your life. Surrender to your source and know gratitude, spiritual peace, and a new capacity to live at your maximum potential in every moment.

These seven keys can open you up to your essential self and unleash within you the abundant, joyous energy that you are. 

The Seven Tantric Keys of Awakening 

  • Say 'yes' to life in all its erotic passion. 

  • Go with the flow of the life force within you and all around you. 

  • Trust yourself and allow your personal power to manifest in life. 

  • Open your heart in loving compassion to yourself and others. 

  • Authentically express your creativity and your truth. 

  • Look within to achieve clarity and insight into your life. 

  • Surrender to your source and know gratitude, spiritual peace, and a new capacity to live at your maximum potential in every moment. 

These seven keys can open you up to your essential self and unleash within you the abundant, joyous energy that you are.

Spiritual Sex: Ecstatic Love Beyond The Physical
Eleven minutes: that's the estimated time most couples spend making love and sometimes its not even much fun. Between one quarter and one half of long term relationships are beset with low desire and it is common for spouses to find other sexual outlets. We are living in a time when all the marital roles and rules have changed and old solutions don't seem to be working.

Even with these facts, I'm not at all pessimistic about the possibilities of lasting sexual love, but I do believe we are looking in all the wrong places. We cannot mandate thrilling, connected sexual encounters and just because one is married and "should" be having lots of fulfilling sex, doesn't make it so. The fact is we do not have any idea just how deep and all encompassing sex can be because we are stuck with a model of sex that I call, "The Performance Model: Sex equals intercourse": the goal of sex is orgasm, and great sex is a virtuoso performance.

As recent as one hundred years ago, women were thought to be incapable of orgasm and sex was intended purely for procreation. Not that everyone accepted this view, but everything in our Western culture supported women's sexual ignorance and encouraged men to use sex in very limited ways. Now, women are supposed to have orgasms every time and men are supposed to last all night as perfect sexual athletes. It's a recipe for disaster which the invention of Viagra has not averted.

So imagine living in a culture where sex was sacred and not a sin and sexuality was seen as a positive expression of the life force. This perspective was the norm in many cultures pre-dating Greek and Roman times and these societies date back 30,000 years. Even as late as 3,500 years ago those who lived on the island of Crete recognized sexual pleasure as a wonderful way to connect with spirit, renew the abundance of the land, and unite deeply with one another. In this culture sexuality was widely understood as a pathway to spiritual ecstasy. 

The fact is that sexuality and spirituality were never split until well into the first millennium of the Common Era when denial of the body became the popular theology of the day. It may seem outrageous to view sexuality in such lofty terms. Yet, it no longer makes sense to deny the spiritual dimension of our sexuality, as if we had "lower," physical urges and "higher," spiritual functions, disconnected from the body.

Before you read on, let me define what I mean by spiritual sex: it is sexual energy that goes beyond physical sensations of pleasure and genital orgasms. It is not limited to genital stimulation and the release of tension through a quick and simple orgasm. When spiritual sex is consciously practiced, there is a quality of "mindfulness," which is heightened awareness and expanded consciousness. The more cosmic experiences utilizing sexual energy create ecstatic states. The essence of spiritual sex is enhanced awareness, extraordinary inspiration, and a sense of merging with the life force.

For simplicity's sake, I've divided spiritual sex into two levels: the first is conscious loving which is sexual energy that generates intense, loving feelings for the partner. The result is greater partner connection, reinforcing commitment in a long-term relationship through loving communion, enhancing the bond. The second level is spiritual union which is the ultimate expression of sexuality. Often one receives inspiration and illumination that can be translated into divine guidance or simply experienced as pure bliss. These transcendental sexual experiences produce a sense of merging with the source of energy and losing physical boundaries during orgasm. It is often described as "being in the moment of boundless bliss." Many ancient and modern visionary experiences are described as feelings of being "bathed in pure light." It is cosmic orgasm, the direct experience of the self as pure energy, in union with a divine source. This level of spiritual sex may occur without a partner and even without any physical stimulation.

Many of you intuitively know the link between spirituality and sexuality through direct experience. One woman, I'll call Carrie, related the following; "At the moment of orgasm I knew that I was in a great, golden light and I experienced myself as transparent, luminous energy. I saw seven star-like, golden, swirling points that lined up in my body. I did not know about the chakras at the time but later I discovered that that's what I saw. My energy centers looked like radiant golden lights in my body." What she had visualized was the life force freely flowing through all seven energy centers that were illuminated and energized by her orgasm. Many people who become interested in spiritual sex have had initial spontaneous ecstatic experiences such as Carrie's.

Since sexual energy is the source of our connection to the life force, the benefits to physical, emotional, and mental health are obvious. Developing conscious rituals and techniques allow you to become more open to such transcendent experiences. It prepares you to be receptive to the possibility of connecting in higher states of awareness from peak sexual moments. The teachings of ancient sacred sexuality traditions are a veritable garden of suggestions that I will be offering in this blog which I plan to use as a way to inspire you to practice a deeper connection with sexuality. Through this blog, I would love to answer questions and have you share your experiences, including those you have had with ecstatic sexuality.
Reconcile a Ended Relationship and be Ecstatic
There comes a point when you just can't move on ahead with someone new. You'll have to be pretty smart in fooling your ex into believing that you are moving on. Don't permit your ex to see you pining for him / her. You can do this by being short and sweet with him / her.

If your ex has been harboring secret feelings for you, then this is preparing to make him / her envious. You'll know definitely when he / she starts querying others about you. They can help in organizing parties and other meetings where you and your ex can be "thrown together".

Maybe, there's a blind spot which you have ignored for too much time that requires correction. A tough relationship means accepting one another for their faults and still loving without first demanding a change. This is an old love secret that works like a charm everything it is used.

It is best to wait a month after the split up before you call them. Don't call too soon because it shows you are needy and desperate. If you wait too long before calling they may become used to being without you.

Be confident during the telephone call. Do not hold a long conversation. This will make you seem busy. You've got to end the conversation first. Make sure your voice sounds pleasant and don't mention the breakup. If your ex is receptive to your telephone call you can get ready for the following step.

You need to let your ex get over being loony and move over the "Missing You" stage. If you do this properly then you may get a call from your ex. These are the keys to your "how to win your ex back questions". Also remember you need to take a while off.

When you go on this date you are endeavoring to accomplish two things. One, you are showing your ex that you have moved on with your life. You also need to show your ex how confident you are . Do not leave the date gasping for a second meeting.

Remember, you've got to switch for the external world to switch. Never show your despair and craving regardless of how tough you need him / her back. Ensure you don't make it appear like you wish him / her back. As discussed earlier, you've got to be ready to give her your heart.

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