Conversation Sins

Published on by CMe

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Conversation Sins

Conversation is the crossroads of an individual's personality, intelligence, and spirituality. What someone says, and how they say it, becomes more important than their looks as a relationship matures.

Bad conversation habits like the examples below can doom a relationship:

  1. Conversation Hijacker
    So you've just finished telling a story about a funny memory. The Conversation Hijacker makes their move: "You think that's funny, let me tell you this." The Hijacker doesn't intend to listen to you, but they expect you want to listen to them. They like to top your story and allow little time for discussion or your reaction. The Hijacker dominates the conversation and creates an annoying imbalance, frustrating the hijacked victim.
  2. Eye-Contact Issues
    The other day someone was presented to us in our office, and they looked at me too much. It made me uncomfortable. On the other hand, when a girl seems to be looking "through" me, or around me, as if anything is more interesting, I assume she's not into me. Just like words in a conversation, good eye contact has a certain rhythm to it.
  3. Ghost Listening
    Don't you hate when you're in a loud environment and you have to ask the person to repeat themselves more than once? By the time I hit "excuse me" number two, I'm already feeling awkward. I sometimes bail out and react with a fake (usually positive) reaction without hearing accurately. So you might get something like this:

    "My grandmother is sick."
    "What?"
    "My grandmother is sick."
    "I'm sorry, say that again?"
    "My grandmother is sick."
    (Ghost Listener panics/gives up...) "Wow, that is so great!"


    It's a toss-up: Do I want to keep asking someone to repeat themselves, or do I want to end the misery by assuming and reacting even though I risk making things worse?
  4. Tasteless Jokes
    I'm guilty of talking about inappropriate topics. One of my favorites, unfortunately, is bathroom humor. Growing up with sisters, I learned that girls do in fact fart and experience other embarrassing bodily functions. So, I often talk "bathroom humor" shop with the ladies. But when I meet someone new, I'm sure it is a turnoff for them in the beginning. I guess the obnoxiousness (and this is tough for people in my family to do) has to be introduced slowly.
  5. Shameless Self-Promoter
    It's obnoxious to reiterate your accomplishments, or how you know cool person/celeb A, B, or C. You'll look insecure and like you're trying too hard. Putting your best foot forward gently is not an easy art to master, but try not to be your own biggest fan.
  6. Me, Me, Me
    A variation of the Shameless Self-Promoter, the Me, Me, Me broadcasts insignificant stories about their life, but completely forgets to ask the other person about their life. It may not be on purpose, but they magnify everything in their own world, which shrinks the importance of everything in the other person's world.
  7. My Name Is Negativity
    They might describe their average day like this: "Of course my boss made me stay late, and of course I locked myself out of my apartment because that's my life. Everything sucks." Another form of negativity is self-deprecation. I love making fun of myself, but sometimes it gets to be too much and my friends tell me to ease off on it. Don't fake positivity but remember: No one wants to spend time with a person who is too negative.
  8. Dead-End Answers
    Answering with solely a "yes" or "no" or one sentence demonstrates detachment, like a guilty criminal being grilled by a detective. So, use short answers when you're trying to get rid of someone, but, if you like someone, you should be naturally inclined to say more.
  9. Word Machine
    You don't want to be Dead-End Answer, but if you talk too much you may overwhelm your listener. The person you're with is more likely to remember that you talked too much than the actual content of your conversation. I talk a lot (too much, sometimes!), and when someone else talks as much as me, we fight for time. Conversation is about balance: sharing the stage at the right rate creates a good conversational rhythm.
  10. I Only Read Us Weekly, or Russian Literature
    There are girls who only talk about pop culture, but there are also the condescending "too smart" types that are not down to earth. Everyone wants an intelligent partner, but they don't want a preachy person or someone who makes them feel stupid. My dream girl talks Us Weekly, then pulls out the Russian lit from time to time.


 

 

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