Coming To Terms With The Problems In Your Marriage

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Coming To Terms With The Problems In Your Marriage 

 
 
   

This modern age has witnessed a whole lot of divorce cases. In today’s world the couples of the modern age find it very hard to accept their spouse and spend an lifetime with them. As such instances of divorce between the married couples have increased at an alarming rate in the past few years bringing into existence an enhanced number of broken families. If the couples want they can resort to several ways to save their troubled marriage. Scottsdale marriage counseling is one such option of saving marriages that are on the verge of collapsing. The counselors of this counseling group are experienced and are experts and they can really help the warring married couples to com to terms with each other. The Scottsdale counseling has a good reputation of saving several marriages that were on the verge of breaking down.

Before seeking counseling help from expert counseling personnel first and foremost the married couple should be willing go for counseling help to save their disturbed marriage. They really should be keen on saving their marriage for the sake of their children. This is a very important for the marriage counseling to be effective for them. The couple should be in the same mindset to patiently attend all the required sessions and exercises to revive their marriage. Cooperation of both the spouses is required. If one of the two is reluctant to cooperate the entire marriage counseling process will fail.

The psychologists use one or more scientific and systematic ways to counsel the married couples. The main aim of this counseling group is to make the couples realize the essence of their relationship that is so vital and is much above any petty issues that is causing problems in their marriage. The sessions conducted by expert personnel are much effective in making these married couples realize the gravity of the problem. It enables them to find resolutions to fill the gap that has come into existence in the course of time.

The next significant issue is that the marriage counseling agency tries to make it doubly clear to the married couples that married life is not a bed of roses. There will be several problems and difficulties in their married lives that the couples together need resolving and not on an individual basis. For this there is a degree of transparency between them. The session conducted here at these marriage counseling agencies are scientifically designed to enable the couples know and realize the root cause of their problems. On account of not being able to resolve these problems on their own they are required to consult professional marriage counselors to enable them to find a solution to resolve their differences.

Save A Marriage - Tips For A Marriage in Crisis
Are you facing the question of how to save a marriage? After a few years of marriage you may find yourself asking for solutions to this problem. Conflicts may arise between couples and married life may become stressful or perhaps life has become so routine it has become dull and boring. How will you come to know that your marriage is in crisis?

There are several reasons responsible for disturbed married life such as alcohol abuse, difficulty with children, financial problems, a situation when one or both partners are unfaithful, major life changes, and even problems with fertility. The marital relationships may be affected by the broken trust, boredom, infidelity, poor communication, lack of appreciation, addictive behavior, emotional abuse, absence of sex and no affection. When the marriage is in trouble, you should try to find out the solutions of how to save a marriage.

When you realize that something is wrong with your married life, don't just think how to save a marriage, but immediately look for the solution. You try to find out the problems and adopt some qualities to save your marriage and to stop the divorce. There are always some hopes and ways to resolve the problems your marriage.

The conflicts in married life may be due to ego or some misunderstandings. Hence, to maintain healthy relationships, you should give up ego and should take an initiative to resolve the problems in your married life. Self-assessment is a very important step to save your marriage. You should be able to think about your mistakes and develop an improvement in your behavior. Avoid doing those things that can hurt your partner.

There are some beneficial options for the problem of how to save a marriage. If you want to be a good partner, you should have a capacity to listen to your partner and understand him/her. You should be able to keep calm and talk through the problem. When your partner is talking with you, you should ask the related questions and clarify all doubts.

Good communication is a very important factor for developing the healthy relationships. You should share all problems and feelings with your partner. The most important thing is that you should fully trust your partner and never be jealous about his/her personal and professional progress.

Your approach towards your relationships and married life should be positive. Whenever there are some problems or bitterness, remember the happy moments that you had spent together and try to reignite these moments. When there are some problems, don't get disturbed or panic, just stay calm. Whenever you lose your temper during the arguments, you generally tend to say and do the things that you actually didn't mean.

One of the best ways to save a marriage is to create long-term plans with your partner. Make some plans to spend the vacations at good picnic spot. Some future plans that are made together may help to increase the intimacy. It will assure that your partner is always there for you.

Your overall personality and hygiene also have great impact on your married life. Hence, try to be always presentable that your partner likes and adopt hygienic habits. How to save a Marriage should not be a problematic issue at all.

Try some of above solutions and make your married life hassle-free and pleasant one. 

Suggestions For Men On How To Better Communicate With Women
"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." by Ralph Nichols

Why does it seem so difficult for men to communicate with women? Since effective communication is vital in any relationship and since so many of us have room for improvement in this important skill, we put together some suggestion to help men learn how to communicate better with women. This article only briefly touches on this subject but points out several problem areas specific to men with this ongoing dilemma.

For starters, one particular skill that a lot of men seem to fall short in is listening! This is perhaps the most effective manner in which men can improve their skills and communicate with women better...become a better listener! This doesn't always come easy for men, obviously because he is coming from a different perspective.

The next important issue to point out is that a man needs to keep in mind how quickly unpleasant feelings can arise in a conversation that he feels is going well. These feelings often erupt because the man is not listening with an understanding of the woman's viewpoint. Before a man can better his skills at communicating with women, he must start taking the responsibility for understanding the way women talk. It is so common for the man to put blame on her when he starts to become upset. Try to keep in mind her feelings have validity even though it might not makes sense to you immediately right at that moment. Before coming to any conclusion, try to see the situation through her eyes. Always remember to keep a woman's fundamental needs for communication in mind and use the conversation to make her feel respected, understood, and validated. Take the time to reassure her and let her know that you care about what she is saying and feeling. Make her feel that you are listening to her and your communication will improve.

Sometimes males experience uncomfortable emotions because they do not know what to do to solve things. Another important aspect to better their communication with women, men must realize they don't always need to offer solutions and to resist that overwhelming urge to take the problem completely off his female counterpart's shoulders. Just because women talk about their problems doesn't mean they don't know how to solve them. Women mainly want men to just listen to them.

To better communicate with women, you don't always have to agree with them. If you do choose to disagree, however, you'll be better able to get your point of view across if you let them finish with what they want to say. Men are often guilty of trying to talk over one another when they have disagreements, and when interrupting each other, then tend to raise their voices. When trying to effectively communicate with women, however, men need to understand that women interpret these behaviors as "power plays", ultimately resulting in poor communication between the two genders.

In addition, it is important for men to avoid pretending they understand when they really don't and from jumping in to self-defense mode. If and when you don't understand, it's much better to make that admission and you should find that communicating with women is much easier when you do this. If you disagree on an issue that you feel strongly about, you should let her know that what she said is important to you but then gently explain your point of view.

If you make a mistake, especially when you have slighted her feelings, apologize! If you listen and acknowledge her feelings, you'll close the gender gap and open the door to effective communications.

Dealing with anger and rage from a person you are in a relationship with.
How do you deal with anger in relationships? Obviously, you don’t need to consider it at the beginning of a relationship. Then, there is a warm glow as everything goes smoothly and good feelings flow back and forth.

But that can’t last forever. There will be rocky times for every couple. Not to think so is naïve. There will be times when you feel more like a fighter in a ring than a person in love. Perhaps there will be times when you are not fighting, but instead, the two of you are ignoring each other. Either way, it’s not a healthy situation.

What’s a couple to do? Well, you could do what Confucious said so long ago. He said, "Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses". For some, that might be all that is necessary. But in many cases there is much more to consider.

For instance, if the bad feelings and rage were to happen only once, that would be one thing. But for many people, it happens over and over again. This situation can wear a couple out. Something different has to be tried. As one person once said, “Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, is insanity."

Here are six techniques to help you deal with negative situations when they arise:

  1. Be understanding by learning to genuinely listen to the other person’s displeasure. I understand it is not simple to do this when you are being blasted with a barrage of accusations and insults. Most of us reciprocate rapidly with our own accusations. This happens especially when our "hot buttons" are pushed and we are faced with angry words about something in the past, some old issue, one that might not even be relevant to the present discussion. Try your best to disregard your own reactive nature. Instead try to listen more to the other person.

  2. Take responsibility for your own behavior by considering how you may have helped stimulate rage in the other person. You may have provoked his or her anger without even being conscience of it. Think about what steps you may be capable to take in order to change your behavior from now on.

  3. Verify the other person’s enraged feelings. Do not turn away their emotions just because you are not pleased with how they are feeling. You have to deal with anger, not ignore it. True, no person enjoys it if the other individual is feeling enraged or frustrated, but telling someone that they shouldn't feel that way does nothing but tinder even greater rage. Passing judgment on how someone feels is not a good alternative.

  4. Here is an important way to deal with anger. Just as parents call "time-outs" when their children throws a temper outburst, you have to do the same for yourself if your significant other loses control. Let them understand that you are not going to say one word until you are spoken to in a positive manner. Let them understand that you do not cherish being spoken to in such an enraged, demeaning, and rude way.

  5. When you have to deal with anger, try to discover a way to "short-circuit” the other person’s rage. Maybe you both can approve a code word that can be spoken when tempers start to flair up. When this word is mentioned by either party then you both understand it’s time to cool off, to leave the situation for a while until you are both prepared to talk calmly about the difficulty.

  6. Remember to say "Please " and "Thank you" and "I'm sorry." We never say these words often enough. And we never send enough Flowers - even when we're not angry. 

Tired of Arguing About The Same Old Things? Ways to Defuse Arguments and Improve Communication
In this article, we'll give examples and explain ways to defuse arguments and improve communication...whether the conflict you'll be dealing with next time involves your teenager, co-worker, or even a friend.

Being an active listener is an important step to defuse arguments of any given situation and solve whatever problem has arisen. However, you must realize that when people feel strongly about an issue, their emotions will influence their ability to communicate and listen well. It is important, therefore, to utilize a combination of active and reflective listening skills.

Take time to cool off before continuing to speak (breathe deeply, always remember to count to ten, leave the room, or take a walk).

  1. Only criticize the behavior or the issue that is up for discussion...never criticize the person! By dealing with the issue or the behavior, you avoid attacking the other person. If you are "arguing" with your teen about a curfew, stick to the issue of the curfew or to his behavior of breaking curfew. Don't dredge up all of her prior mistakes or call her a "stupid kid" because she can't ever seem to get things right. That is a direct attack on the person and all that does is damages their self-esteem and creates barriers. Listen to what he has to say and keep him on track if he strays from the issue. Continue to use active listening even if the other person does not. Your use of active listening will be of tremendous help when trying to defuse arguments or other potentially damaging situation.

  2. Realize that each person has worth. It is almost impossible to practice active or reflective listening if you dismiss the speaker as inferior or worthless. You don't have to agree with him, but it is crucial that you respect his right to a different opinion and acknowledge his sense of value. Find something that the two of you have in common. Try to understand what the other person is saying and why he feels a certain way.

  3. Avoid absolutes when trying to defuse arguments, i.e., right or wrong, good or bad. Phrases like "you always" or "you never" should be avoided because these types of phrases slow down communication. Someone paying close attention to what is being said will sure pick up on that right away and can easily counter with a statement such as, "I hear you saying I always do such and so, but actually I..." The same is true of statements that indicate right/ or wrong and good or bad. This is not to say there aren't situations that are right or wrong, good or bad, but in an argument most right/wrong or good/bad situations are simply exaggerations and the actuality is somewhere in between. Far-ranging generalizations ultimately cause conflict. The focus then is not on solving the problem at hand, but instead the focus is on each party effectively defining her respective position.

  4. Send "I feel" messages instead of "you" messages. For example, when you say, "You don't know what you're talking about," you are sending a "you" message. An example of an "I" message could go something like this... "I don't understand what you're trying to say." The point of this in trying to defuse arguments is to clarify your concerns so as not to lay blame on other people.. This is especially true when it comes time to defuse arguments with your teenager. An example of an "I" message here could be, "I worry about you when you aren't home by your curfew," or "When you come in after your curfew, I feel like you are purposely defying me." The "I" message tells your teenager how you are feeling about the situation at hand...in this case, his not making curfew. The "I" message conveys concern over the issue, whereas the "you" message attacks them as a person.

  5. Engage your brain and suspend your emotions. This is perhaps the hardest of the five techniques because verbal conflicts by nature are emotional. The ultimate goal is to turn the verbal conflict into a discussion. Arguments are counterproductive, whether its while conducting business or trying to resolve a family issue. Arguments certainly do nothing for keeping harmony within the home or workplace. Rather than letting your emotions get the best of you, ask yourself, "How can I help solve this problem? What solution is best for both of us? What can we change? You need to control your emotions for the sake of the issue. Listen actively and nonjudgmental.

Try to solve the problem best you can. After you have calmed down, look at what happened and decide how to handle it appropriately.


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Comment on this post

Joanne 06/28/2010 18:28


A great tool to recommend to those who truly desire to improve their communication and listening skills is the easy-read book "PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!" by author Dick Fetzer. In it, he demonstrates
why listening is so important and offers step by step "how to" to become an effective listener. This resource is valuable for spouses, parents, bosses, and anyone who truly wants to improve his
communication skills! This book can be found at www.WinePressBooks.com or most online bookstores.


Dr. Karen Sherman 04/03/2010 22:32


These are all really good points!

As a relationship expert (www.ChoiceRelationships.com), I would like to add that couples need to know that conflicts are bound to happen. But here's the good news: there are skills they can learn
so that they can handle them better. When they do, their partnerships fare much better. I offer a free teleseminar, "The 7 Tools to Manage Conflict Communication in Your Relationship." To hear it,
go to: http://choicerelationships.com/teleseminar_resources.