Have you ever felt like others have been blessed with the ability to attract and nurture a great relationship, while you seem to only know how to make each relationship end in disaster? You want a relationship as badly as they do, and you deserve it as much too. So, what is the difference that gives them an edge?
Let me share something personal that might help. I had a beautiful baby boy almost six weeks ago. I'm finally coming out of the fog and recovering from a tough delivery, countless nighttime feedings, and the stress of figuring out a new baby. It's interesting, everyone always talks about a mother's instincts. As I have begun the journey again as a mother, I have once again been reminded what mother's instincts are, and what they are not.
Before having my two kids, I figured mother's instincts were super powers that enabled the new mom to interpret her child's every need and know how to solve every problem. Needless to say, I was very disappointed when I wasn't endowed with this magical gift when either of my children came along. Instead, I found myself feeling very lost at what to do and how to do anything. What I did instinctually have was an indescribable desire to do everything on my power to protect, nurture and soothe the cries of this darling child that had been placed in my arms. I'd do anything to that end, even if it meant dying for my child. Or worse, giving up my precious sleep night after night!
After speaking with countless mothers, I've come to realize that the all knowing aspect of a mother's instinct is false. Each mother's instinct is similar to my own. We may not know everything and make plenty of mistakes, but the love and desire to do right by our children comes very quickly and naturally from the moment you first hold your child.
This morning as I thought about this again, I realized this is also very true in our relationships with our spouse. I believe that each of us also has an instinct to be in a good relationship. However, just like a mother's instinct, this desire doesn't naturally endow us with the skills necessary to create that relationship. We have to learn that part, just as a new mother must learn how to best nurture her new child. By turning to those who have figured out relationships, we can turn our instinctual desire into practical application, and create the relationship we naturally yearn for.
Next time, you find yourself discouraged because you are single or in and out of dead end relationships, be gentle on yourself. You have the natural relationship instincts, but need help and guidance to create what you desire, just as a new mother. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help. As you discover and practice the skills necessary for a healthy lasting relationship, they will become natural to you, and you too will find and keep the relationship you already want so badly.
Facing Challenges In Relationships
Inner wealth: The Nature of Love.
Facing Challenges with an open heart, must we grow from challenge? Grow from challenge? Grow where? Does this imply that challenge proves that we are un-grown?
What is really being said here is that we don't like challenge and we want to get away from it. Grow means relieve the pain, find a way around the discomfort. But is there a way to do that? According to the laws of nature, when one challenge leaves us, another appears. Life occurs at the border of support and challenge. How then, do we achieve growth when there is infinite challenge?
Maybe we should not grow from challenge? Maybe we should simply get used to it. Then we can become very good at facing one particular type of challenge. WE might become the world expert at mastering one particular challenge. Like the "jealousy master" or the "avoid reality expert" We might master something, instead of always thinking that we are going to achieve some end by growing through it.
What you appreciate gets bigger. You want to grow? Then you need to appreciate life more. But I guarantee that, like everyone else, you appreciate happiness already. So appreciating happiness more isn't making you bigger. So, maybe the answer to this dilemma is in opposites. Maybe by appreciating unhappiness, and rather than trying to learn from it, (which I don't think is realistic) you can expand by embracing unhappiness.
Unhappiness - not feeling in control, not feeling on top, not feeling powerful, not feeling open to new things, not feeling confident, not feeling - feeling, loosing something, getting a headache whatever. Maybe unhappiness is like winter. Winter has benefits. WE bemoan the cold, we bemoan the wind of winter because of the same reason we want to learn from unhappiness. We don't like our own company, and winter takes us within to be with us. It draws us back from the hype of the world, and back from the approval of others. We spend more time alone. We spend more time without the sun and so the sunshine must come from within us. But for many people, they've forgotten how to turn that inner sunshine. They only know the sun that is in the sky, they miss the inner one.
Unhappiness is only on the outside. Inside, deep insider there is no unhappiness. There is a sun, shining, so by "learning from our challenges" we run away from our sunshine. Deep down, deep below the desire to run away, the desire to attack, the desire to achieve, and be liked, deep under the guilt and the shame, the ambition and the expectations sits a sunshine. And we can't get into that sunshine learning from challenge, we get to it by feeling the challenge, admitting the challenge, loving the challenge.
Yeah, I am challenged. Celebrate it. Dance for it. Here's proof that a God exists in your life. Challenge, here's a feeling that brings you home, deep inside the realms of passions and frivolity and escapes. Here's the gift. Here's the beauty you search for. The wealth and the abundance of life. The ability to appreciate challenge awakens you and you expand.
A ball expands in all directions. So if you are always trying to grow from challenge you are pushing stuff from one side of the ball to the other, taking stuff from one half and putting it in the other. But this does not expand the ball, it just moves it along the table. Go to the dark, the opposite side of the positives and embrace them. Appreciate the incompetence's, the failures, the mess ups, learn to laugh at your humanity. The drive to grow from challenge pushes you into a mode of trying to be something, someone perfect, a better person. But what is better?
You are best. Before you change. Before you overcome fear you are best. You are perfect as you are. With and including all the foibles that are you. Embrace the dark that you run from and you'll suddenly expand in all directions. This is appreciation. Appreciation makes things bigger. Your perspective is the only thing about you that you can grow, grow your perspective and see the world in an ever evolving way. The dark is not dark, it's just beauty you can't see.
Waiting forever for the ex girlfriend to return
Ever been in a relationship that was ok but not brilliantly brilliant and then when it finishes you find yourself compelled to wait for this woman even though it seems insane to even contemplate doing this. How many of you have done this? Been held stuck, finding it so difficult to move on? Want to know what may be causing this?
Traumatic relationship split after wonderful weekend
This one is good, you will definitely like this one. So, after two and a half years in a relationship and quite a difficult one at that it finishes quite traumatically – at least it does for me. I have been opening up, resolving issues and deeply exploring myself while she has been hiding behind the sofa. This widening gap has past its ability to be bridged by about a year. So, you cannot fault my tenacity; although I am taking the maxim ‘never give up’ to masochistic if not naive extremes. So, we have been weaving along, somewhat bouncing off the walls and then one late spring weekend all the way from early Friday evening until late Sunday, the sun comes out, literally and figuratively and I am and “we?” are the most feeling, in tune, engaged almost ever. A most wonderful weekend only spoilt on Monday by her revelation that she has involved herself with some guy from work?
Entering a surreal none life?
While I am in the complicated process of trying to figure out what ‘involved’ in this instance really means, we split up, wednesday she moves out, to ‘I hear’ move in with him the following week. By this time I have entered a reality called “surrealsville”. I even imagine that I am a member of a film cast in a surreal film and at any moment I will hear “cut” shouted from behind a hidden clapper board indicating that normal reality will resume shortly. Reality of course rather than resume just continued – what a bastard EH!!.
This relationship finishing was horrible
This was horrible and horrible is in this instance just a polite way of saying that it was horrendously horrendous with a capital H. I was staggeringly crushed. So, it came as quite a revelation after on the one hand struggling with a relationship with probably unbridgeable differences to on the other being stabbed in the heart plus being told later some quite nasty, uncalled for and definitely unloving and further traumatizing things TO FIND that I was completely INTENT on waiting for her to return and not being able to let go. STARK RAVING BONKERS.
Cannot let go, cannot move on from this ex-girlfriend
So, ’something’ in me was going to have me wait until hell froze over for this woman to return. I really could not for the life of me understand how my head could even vaguely consider this as a viable life enhancing strategy. I had to make a huge and conscious effort on a daily basis to not do what ’something’ seemingly in me wanted.
Yes, the original situation was very disturbing but to be honest my head obsessively focused on trying to convince me to WAIT was equally unnerving. I cannot state this strongly enough. I could not rationalize any valid reason; logically, emotionally, intuitively or other to explain why waiting was a viable option.
I made a huge effort to ignore this inner compulsion and move on but it was a huge effort.
This happened just the once, but once was quite enough thank you. Actually thinking about it now, I had a few girlfriends before this where although I was not with them for long I did feel the same at least once in terms of wanting to wait, but it was not anywhere near as strong probably because these relationships were not as involved or as long lasting.
Finding that I was being MADE to not let go, made to wait
When releasing the last emotions from the original trauma that this situation represented (loss) it suddenly dawned on me that I should check for anything that would force me to deliberately wait and yes there they were.
A bunch of them whose job was to keep me so lost in relationship and emotional shit that I would never surface. It took just a few minutes to clear them. Having followed another favorite maxim “You are responsible for all that you create in your life” for more years than I care to remember now, it came as quite a shock to find this to be absolutely and completely untrue. We live assuming that our thoughts and feelings are ours – that we originate them, we make them.
I am finding this distressingly untrue for many of my own and my clients issues. There have been many things done to us to quite deliberately make us less than we are capable of being.
Unsuitable or Unlike Attractions cause Relationship Difficulties
Women were being made to be attracted to me and me to them but rather than this being like attracts like it was definitely unlike attracting unlike. I later found that this was something done to me by others with mall intent to try and get me involved and to keep me in disastrous relationships.
False relationship attractions to put me in relationship hell
I discovered what was causing this one day in a restaurant. When looking for a table to sit at I became aware that I was being internally directed to a certain table and actually a particular seat. It was very specific and I thought; OK, I will follow this and see what is going on. On the way to this table I noticed that I am being guided to sit where I will be placed directly in the line of sight of a woman sitting at another table about 3 meters away. Interesting! So once there, I sit down and settle myself. Over a few minutes I notice that this woman is giving me sideways glances, checking me out while at the same time I am becoming aware of an energy forming a bridge between us. This bridge seems to start from a position between us which then expands both ways to link the two of us. MMMmm I think? Something is setting up a connection between myself and this woman. I can feel myself being drawn to ‘engage’ with this woman – to make eye contact which I ignore (I will explain this later). The connection continues to build up and being empathic I can feel this woman being made to be drawn to me too by this energy. Anyway at a certain point I decide I have had enough of this game and focus to bring all that is causing this forward which turns out to be an entity and some technology it uses. It’s job; to attract decidedly unsuitable women to me, to get me involved in a relationship and generally try and make my life hell through this happening.
The chemistry of unlike attracting unlike
Thanks god (If one exists) for my empathic abilities. From the age of 15 I have been continually puzzled at the stream of girls / woman that would fall for me whom I would have no interest in having a relationship with (friends perhaps yes) as I am quite aware that their nature and or insecurities would in all probability drive me insane. This happened continuously from school, through university and then work.
I can remember at university working one afternoon in a laboratory practical with dozens of students all busy at their benches. Then suddenly I realize that the woman student working at the far end of my bench is falling for me. Strictly no eye contact – pretend that this person does not exist. Horrendous.
Relationship attractions that would bury me
Some of these woman were quite persistent and one when I started working tried everything she could to get me involved. I found out later that she had been ringing friends of mine (at 3 in the morning) telling them that she was going to commit suicide if I did not start a relationship with her. This was in fact exactly what I had felt was a very strong possibility – that I would be stuck in impossible and emotionally traumatizing situations with them. I never succumbed to this attraction. Bit it was a constant puzzle why this should happen and a constant strain to avoid these attractions. They say that like attracts like – you must be joking!
Anyone else in this situation without an empathic ability to guide them would probably go with what reality is presenting them and almost certainly have a very hard time indeed as a result.
Feeling compelled to wait for the ex-partner after relationship finish
I have another example here which describes how when a relationship finished I would feel compelled to wait for my ex partner. While editing this example, I just realized that it was very strange why I spent so much time and effort in a relationship that was not really working; trying very hard beyond what was sensible to make it work. So, I started exploring and not unsurprisingly I found yet another batch of interferences whose job it was to support me to stay in these difficult relationships.
So, one set was designed to get me hooked up to unsuitable women, another set to make it very difficult for me to exit and in fact support me to keep trying and then a third collection that would be forcing me to wait for a mythical return. A perfect set up to make my life an emotionally whacked out disaster zone in relationship terms. For many years relationships whether I was in one, wanting one or being compelled to wait for the return of a finished one caused me a huge amount of emotional anguish. Not surprising really when you understand that something not of me was deliberately set up to cause this.
With every client so far with greater or lesser difficulties in their relationships was being caused either directly or indirectly by these types of manipulations.
Any additional comments? The entity and it’s ‘equipment’ responsible for this life long bizarre attraction battle took about 2 days to clear. I noticed this attraction pattern was present in all of my past and other lives during that clearing phase – merrily attracting woman all the time. This auto attraction was a phenomenon of many past and other lives because I dealt with an unbelievable number of entity attachments representing women whom were still waiting / hoping to start a relationship or ones that I had actually got involved with that I then broke from who were still waiting for me. I had hundreds of past attractions to break.
WSW relevant observations? This was something done with negative intent – to get me attracted to and stuck with relationships from hell. We are all told ALL THE TIME that we are responsible for our lives and what we attract. I worked for 23 years to that maxim; day in and day out to become progressively shocked to find that this is completely and utterly untrue. I would now say we are responsible for identifying what is causing our life challenges and resolving them but that we should not AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME that everything happening to us is caused by something we have done or our attitude. The sad fact is that 90% of clients issues are caused by something that they have no knowledge of, has been done without their permission and which has been done to them with the WORST possible intention. It would be a fair assumption to say that this % will apply to your own life too.
Reversing disrespectful and unwanted sexual attractions
Being internally and externally guided to face and conquer the fear and extreme dislike of men’s raw and disrespectful sexual attraction, behavior and anger. Going from being submissive, scared and treated disrespectfully through demanding and receiving respect and courtesy.
Repeating life patterns of being subjected to forced sexual advances
I have repeating life patterns where men would without any provocation on my part make strong and sometimes forced sexual advances, be disrespectful and say demeaning things to me. They seemed to instinctively know I could not stand my ground, that I was unable to say NO. I was always afraid that if I did stand my ground that I would have to face anger and I was always very afraid when a man got angry with me, no matter what the reason. In my marriage . . . I was expected to be continually sexually available . . . the receptacle of some ones need for a release, irrespective of what I wanted. If I tried to say no, I was met with anger, so I gave in . . . So, these were areas of my life within which I responded like a mouse, either completely avoiding or tolerating but never able to really respond from a place of confidence or security. So, this is my story of how WSW directed situations and events in my life for me to have the opportunity to push these boundaries to stand more solidly for myself.
It started one day when I met a man, named Max; in the cafe that I go to after swimming in the ocean.
Dealing with fear of disrespectful or forceful sexual attractions
He was the perfect man to help me deal with those fears: his wild, unafraid, intelligent and free-spirited attitude attracted me, yet he was also a homeless drunken bum with absolutely no respect for women. He was immensely attracted to me because he could see I am unconventional, I have a beautiful body and I (then) looked very innocent. He was sure from the start he would have me in no time. The first time I met him, I was paralyzed by my attraction to him which made me weak, and paralyzed by his male dominant attitude toward me. He directly eyed me up and down like I was a piece of meat and I was terrified of falling into his claws. He was promising me the world to seduce me into doing things with him, anything . . . a part of me wanted to go because I like adventure, but i was very afraid of following him. I thought he might rape me or something . . . As i was pondering and trying my best to keep his hands off me, the thought came to me that it might be something set up by WSW so I decided to force myself to stay with him for 2 hours and go to one place with him. I managed to be strong enough to tell him that I would leave at any moment if I chose and I did, when the heat got too high and I started to feel cornered . . .
When I got home, I was totally exhausted and I thought I had won and that the test was over. But no, Max reappeared the next day and the next and the next. My interactions with him were to last 3 months!!
Standing your ground, saying no and feeling the fear
At the start he was always VERY persistent and determined to get me . . . and also crude and disrespectful. My challenge became to get him to respect who I was, treat me well while not being afraid of him and standing my ground. I couldn’t understand why he treated me like he did when he treated the two women who worked at the cafe with high respect. Something within me was telling him that I didn’t have the power to stand my ground . . .
So I chose to use this as an opportunity and interact with him day after day to slowly learn to dodge his gestures and impose on him to respect me. I had to learn to talk forcefully to him so he would start taking me seriously. It took weeks to get there, little by little each day. I got him to change his rude vocabulary toward me, and even to realize that I was actually someone both intelligent and with talents. Slowly, we actually got to be friends . . .
He still thought he would have me for lunch (and to tell the truth, for the purpose of making this new movement, I was leaving the door open. I actually quite liked many of Max’s qualities but I also knew he would have to respect me before anything happened. So he sort of always had a chance) He was quite upset one day when he met my partner, because he thought I was single! My partner who knew the whole story and is also doing WSW was perfectly OK with it, but Max felt uncomfortable because he thought my partner would be jealous. A good month went by and he still wanted me badly, always trying to get close physically, making advances of all kinds, millions of promises, and I was still spending time with him, learning to keep him at bay . . . then going home, and sharing my latest adventures with my partner.
Confronted and trapped by a sexual predator?
The big test came one day when he told me he had just bought a sail boat. I had wanted to learn to sail myself for a while . . . I know he saw the sparkle in my eye, and he saw his chance: He got me to come and see the boat . . . When I saw it I suddenly got all excited. I simply fell in love with it and told Max it was “My boat” and not his . . . It was easy for him to get me to go sailing with him because at that moment all my defenses suddenly went down. I told him I would go for one hour, not more. He agreed.
So off we went . . . I thoroughly enjoyed being on the water. And Max was making his approach more and more insistent, touching my body every time he had a chance (we were in our swimsuits). Somehow, I was incapable of telling him to stop, I think I was afraid of his possible reaction. I did my best to keep my distances, but I was having so much fun being on the boat that I didn’t really care. After an hour went by, I got tired of the game and could see he was not stopping at all. I was ready to go home and I told him so. He flatly answered that he had no intention of going back to shore, that I had climbed on his boat and that he was kidnapping me!!
I was shocked!
Saying no to sex
So I retorted that I was a good swimmer and got ready to jump overboard (I had had the foresight to leave my wallet in my car before boarding the boat . . . I knew perfectly well that I was deliberately taking risks with him). At that, he revved up the motor full blast to get as far away as possible from the coast! I tried to jump but it was Sunday afternoon and at that very moment there were boats everywhere around us going at fast speeds and also a police boat. I thought I’d get in trouble with the police if they saw me swimming. It’s funny that it didn’t even occur to me that I could tell them that I was trying to save myself from a potential rape and that Max was sailing a boat that didn’t have papers. Typical victim thinking of me, and always scared of male authority . . . I was at fault and Max wasn’t!
The soft seducer becomes a raging tyrant
While I was pondering whether I would still jump or not, Max suddenly turned from the seductive and soft, almost tender, pursuer he had been for the last hour to an absolutely raging dragon: He was so mad that I would try to leave him and that he was going to lose his chance to have me that he exploded in the wildest fit of rage I have ever seen in my life (and I have seen male anger!!). He called me the rudest names you could think of, promised I would pay for what I was about to do, how did I dare resist him I was such a bitch and such niceties. At that point, I think he could have jumped on me and actually rape me . . . His fit so shocked me that I forgot to jump, and instead of watching out for my safety, I tried to calm him down! But that only increased his rage because now I dared to talk back to him. By the time I realized that my trying to be nice and kind would never work with someone like Max, we were very far away from shore and it was definitely too late to jump . . .
I silently ended up going to the front of the boat and isolating myself from Max, pondering what the hell had just gone on, glad I had finally seen the true face of Max, glad also that I had not been scared by his anger and didn’t not recoil from it. I still felt safe. I could always jump if he attacked me . . .
The quiet apology
After a while, he stopped screaming and quietly apologized to me, in an attempt to save face. I acknowledged him for being able to do so (most men in my life never apologized for their anger) . . . I had been attracted to a part of him, but this display of anger did him in. Never now would he have a chance to have me. He knew that.
But I still saw him at the cafe after that for a month or so. In fact, that episode was the beginning of me winning! In the next few days, I managed to get him to sell me his boat . . . That was my first win over him! Afterwards, he stopped trying to get me sexually, but he switched to a different tactic . . . .
A change of tactics for further openings and opportunities
Now came the second part of my training, learning to not be so damn giving! He was trying to get me to do all sorts of things for him, like drive him places and buy him stuff. He was always in trouble with the law so would always lose his driver’s license or his moped would be broken or whatever. Every day was a different sorry story. At first, he’d always managed to get me to do something for him. But once he was in my car, he would always ask for more. I slowly started seeing that he was just plain using me (yes, I know, I can see now that I was a push-over and quite blind . . . that’s what I had to learn!). So my challenge became to stand my ground and say no more and more forcefully to his constant begging, and to learn to make deals with him and force him to keep his end of it. We spent weeks like that, until one day, I actually found the strength to stop on the side of the road and tell him to get out of my car, which made him have to walk 5 miles!
Becoming empowered and standing my ground against disrespect
He couldn’t believe I would do that when I had been so easy to exploit. He was angry with me the next day, but I didn’t mind his anger any more and told him to cut it out. I was learning to stand my ground and he knew he couldn’t use swear words with me any more. He started to respect me and realize what I would and would not do for him. I started making deals with him, and I became really tough . . . when I lent him 3$ for cigarettes, he had to give me 5$ the next day, and so on. Or else he would have to put one of his tools in deposit with me (I still have a power paint-gun from him . . . ).
One day, we actually shook hands on our friendship. And slowly, he stopped asking me for things he knew I would say no to. But I always left my heart open and had time for his stories. He was a great story-teller!
The lesson learnt and so no longer gets presented
Soon after, he totally disappeared from my life. I never saw him again. Simply, I had dealt with everything I could from my interactions with him. A great adventure!! Since being guided through these encounters with Max I am not afraid of men or their anger any more and I can handle their sexual advances and games with confidence. I also no longer tolerate being disrespected and I make sure that they know this. For example:
When disrespected and taken advantage of: Since this experience, I have slapped a man for the first time in my life because he was clearly disrespectful toward me and tried to take advantage of my kindness. Since working with these issues with Max I haven’t had one single raw man encounter. This guy whose face I slapped was basically tricking me; I guess I was still a bit too innocent.
When facing male anger: When two weeks later, he came back very angry with me and playing the victim game, I laughed at him and sent him on his way. It was comfortable for me to tell him again that he had deserved what he got and that I would not back down or retract what I had done.
When sexually pursued: Another young man tried to seduce me not long ago, with all his testosterone. Instead of being uncomfortable, I was very confident in handling the situation and had no problems whatsoever.
I would say that my ability to deal with men in these types of situation and how I relate to them has changed from a 1 to a 9. I still tend to choose kindness over toughness, rather than choose what is probably more appropriate in the moment (for example I recently lent $30 to a man who I knew wasn’t trustworthy but I gave him yet another chance, out of kindness or out of not wanting to refuse help to someone, which he didn’t deserve . . . he never paid me back!). I suspect there are still more boundaries to move beyond in areas of trust and discernment.
No longer anxious or insecure when dealing with male disrespect
It is also great not to be anxious or insecure about these types of encounter any more. Now, I don’t have to be on my guard all the time like I used to. I feel very at ease even being alone in a cafe/bar where before men’s attractions to me used to make me feel uncomfortable and on edge. Now, it doesn’t at all. I am freer, more playful, and I don’t react like a mouse when men exhibit these types of behavior because I can stand for myself now. I still do not choose coarse sexual expression for myself, but it is now out of a true choice, not out of fear.
Reclaiming my ability to be angry rather than passive or accepting
My ex-husband, who was angry with me many times in quite violent ways, was totally stunned when I shouted back at him a few days after my episode with Max. He had called me to put me down once more, and I didn’t let him do that, instead shut him up by allowing myself to shout at him and basically show him that his anger was ridiculous and misplaced. Being really faced with Max’s anger without judging it as bad has given me the right to be angry if I deem it appropriate. I used to think that anger was ugly because I was scared of it. Now, I think there are times when it is very necessary and there are people who do not understand any other way than through anger. I totally appreciate now my ability to be angry!
Being guided through these encounters was very scary at the beginning, but my realization that it was a WSW set-up made it easy for me to ‘play the game’ till the end. I had worked with WSW for 6 months at this point and had enough experience and confidence even when things seemed crazy to intelligently flow with what I was offered. This confidence in the workings of the WSW process gave me the strength and trust to face my insecurities and use these situations. So, rather than this being a dreadful and stressful encounter it became an adventure, of which I have great memories. I shall always remember Max fondly . . . A homeless drunken bum that gave me everything I needed to heal in these areas than any spiritual path ever could!
Being made to instantly and compulsively judge others
I was constantly and without the ability to stop being made to judge others around me. This disturbed me very much and over time caused me to keep to myself so as not to trigger these negative thoughts. This was the only way to avoid being disturbed and upset by this happening to such and extent that I was almost becoming a recluse. I was being stopped from making new friends and contacts.
Being judgmental, always fault finding or compulsively disliking
A year or two ago I noticed that I was instantly making judgments on every new person I met. This could be on the street or in any other circumstance.
I would instantly dislike something about someone I saw, I did not even have to talk or interact with this person I met, this could happen if I saw someone while walking down a street. Each time I would instantly find a fault; ugly shoes, fat, slob, funny nose, daft, foreigner etc.
The peculiar thing was that it happened the instant I saw a person, I did not even have time to really think about them at all (and I did not really have a reason to think about them, why should I as I was just walking past them on the street?!).
Trying to stop myself from negatively judging people & criticizing others
At first this irritated me and made me wonder what was wrong with myself. I tried to stop the judging as soon as it started but that did not really work, I would met another person and the process would start again.
Another way of trying to cope with this was to make myself more isolated and not have to interact with others. Funny thing was that since I had held many sales positions this behavior was very out of character.
Yes, a good sales person can asses a person quickly but it certainly would not be conductive to creating sales to negatively judge people.
I have always found it easy to interact with others, when I have had to, and since I have not had this sort of behavior or way of thinking before then after a couple of months I started to consider if this was some sort of manipulation intent on stopping me from meeting and interacting with new people.
Being kept isolated and distant from people
Sure enough when I investigated this myself I found a whole lot of things that had been done to make sure I was kept “isolated” and within certain “approved of” boundaries. So, I worked on these and removed them all in a few sessions on my own and then everything was fine for many months. No more judging but by this time I was entrenched and happy to be alone.
Then a few weeks ago I had to go to the Ukraine on business and had an instant relapse. Something about going to the Ukraine obviously triggered some new things to cause the same process of instant judging of people. I spent two days in Kiev not speaking to a soul!.
Healing session to address these issues
I now knew that this was an outside hidden negative interference so I had a session with Clive and we removed a few new things. A week later when I was back in the Ukraine there was still residues of the judgment part. We did some more work on that and the final time I went to the Ukraine I had no problems. No more judgment and no instant dislikes. I also do not seem to have any more problems like this while being back home either.
The liberation of the Higher Self – A slave to spirituality?
There is a movement at this time trying to make people aware; the so called new age. We are supposed to be raising our awareness, our consciousness and becoming more ’spiritual’. A new age should be just that; the re-examination of the old or the considered true to move into something actually and radically NEW. Moving beyond accepted but ultimately limiting paradigms and concepts has been one of the hallmarks of WSW for a very long time. Its originator is well aware that to hold to what ‘has been’ ensures that you stay there. This example is a wonderful illustration of why the so called new age remains ’still born’; when so much of what is naively held to as truths by this movement are in fact the very things that are preventing it from actually, well . . . . moving. It is time to throw out our traditional and so called new age concepts of what spiritual really means as only by doing this can a true and actually ‘new’, new movement be made and what is supposed to be our spiritual heritage realized. This example is about encountering and dealing with the limits imposed on a client through being directly guided by his “higher self”.
Authors: Clive & Maya. Mfundi past on before this example was completed. So, we (Clive and Mfundi’s partner Maya) have put this together based on both his e-mail extracts and telephone conversations in Clive’s case and Maya’s daily experience of being part of his life and his WSW process changes on the other. Mfundi read and endorsed the higher self example that is included in our WSW model written elsewhere. The example here is orientated more toward his personal experience.
The aspiration to be truly spiritual?
My only client with a higher self was viewed by everyone aspiring to be spiritual as being a spiritual master. He had amazing patience with everyone, and absolutely no sense of ownership of anything. Because he spent his life helping others, he never built anything big for himself, never had any money, though he certainly had the capability. He could not engage in what are considered in certain spiritual circles as ‘lower’ emotions. He could not speak to defend himself, could never get angry, did not feel fear, nor could he relate to others feelings that were outside of his ‘higher’ emotions range.
Self sacrificing, serving others passive no confrontation alignment
Other’s needs always took priority. He would drop everything immediately no matter what he was doing to serve others. He could never say NO to anyone . . . . others always counted more than himself . . . Even when engrossed in a personal project that greatly interested him, he would still immediately stop what he was doing if anyone needed his attention or asked a question, and be ready to help right then and there, no matter what. When his partner pointed this behavior out to him , he was shocked to realize it was true. To him, this behavior was perfectly normal, and it surprised him to even hear that other people were not like this!
This behavior was not from a lack of self-esteem but was something that he seemed to do automatically with a strong and patient love and compassion for others. His was like this his entire life; was born very much like this, and even as a teenager, was already in service to his parents/family . . . When his father got sick, he totally assumed the leadership role, even guiding his mother to make big decisions, like moving, without questioning and did so with great skill, utter kindness, and an inner feeling that it was obviously his role.
Some appreciation of the limitations of the spiritual
So, although he appreciated the good points of how he was there were many areas that he felt limited. He wanted to be able to engage with people using a full spectrum of feelings and not just the so called higher feelings. He wanted to be able to defend himself solidly, have a choice to do what he wanted as a priority over what others wanted and have a choice to make decisions rather than be guided all the time.
This clients higher self origins in ‘context’
This clients original soul had incarnated into a world that offered the Higher Self experience and it was this choice that resulted in the previous list of life limitations. When you sign up for an incarnation with this type of world then the administration of that world supervise a soul form split. One split becomes the form that incarnates and lives on the world in a body while the other form takes on the role of the ‘Higher Self’ in spirit to guide the incarnate form. During the split the form for incarnation retains all the original material while the other form is cut down to retain the best combination of qualities that will best represent what is appropriate for a Higher Self; cooperation, support, patience, care, sympathy, compassion and so forth. Both split forms have their memories sealed so that experiences from their past will not carry over and interfere with their current choice to fully experience what this ‘Higher Self’ world offers. What I found with this client is that both he as the representation who incarnated and his none identical twin have groups of energy devices (read implants) installed that do the following;
- Translate what this world considers to be inappropriate feelings into appropriate ones. Which in ‘Higher Self’ terms means to convert lower emotions into higher emotions.
- Cause all feelings to build up or amplify. As all feelings are translated into ‘nice’ feelings then all these nice feelings are boosted to make you feel even nicer; spiritual prozac.
- Holds the soul to the beliefs, values, ideas and attitudes of the ‘Higher Self’ world. In other words the form is ‘programmed’ to respond in certain ways and DOES NOT HAVE A CHOICE.
The WSW teams removed all of these over the space of a few weeks. It took a couple of weeks before I really noticed any changes. It actually took quite a bit of being forceful of my intention (using my statement of intent) before changes happened. There was a lot of resistance from my higher self to a point where we had to insist directly to that Being that it stand to one side and no longer interfere with my life. So, it took a while but I began more and more to engage with the full range of emotions and also becoming more and more expressive of them. My voice changed during this time too – people commented on this. It went from always being very quiet and gentle to more and more expressive, it was like before I was stuck in 5th gear and now I had 5 gears and reverse I COULD SAY NO – though remain kind about it, a revelation to me and certainly to others that before had been taking advantage of me or whom expected me to automatically respond in particular ways.
New choices without a higher self driving outcomes
With time I changed in the following areas:
I can stand for myself: I could stand up for myself, I could tell people when I was not happy about something, my feeling expression improved amazingly to a point where I shocked people by swearing in circumstances where this was appropriate to emphasize what I was feeling . . . . before this I never swore, but then before this I never ever said no to anyone either.
I can engage with people more equally: I used to always listen to people, let them talk and be relatively quiet, as if my opinion didn’t matter much but after the changes, I could engage more easily in taking up some room in the conversation and make a point of expressing my thoughts. I really enjoyed that.
I have a greater feeling range and depth: I was always puzzled by the fact that people around me – like Maya- had a broader and deeper range of feelings say from 1 to 10 and myself I only had a range of 4 to 6. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t feel emotions more deeply, whether happy or sad. After the WSW work, I gradually became a 2 to 9.
I can make decisions for myself: I also started making decisions for myself. Before this I was always aware of following some inner prompting I would just follow along an automatic intuitive path where I sort of knew what i needed to do at any point. Even when working on building a house it would be like this. Now however I don’t do things automatically anymore. I can stop, ask myself whether this is the way I want to go about doing the work or if i want to do it some other way or even do something else; then I choose. Before, yes I would say that whatever I was doing was working very well, but there never seemed to be any other alternatives. I was locked into doing things the same way. I was being held to a limiting set of solutions.
I can feel new feelings: I was reintroduced to fear; an interesting experience. While climbing a high ladder for my work; something that in the past I did regularly and without thinking about I suddenly found myself experiencing a slight fear for the first time in my life. It surprised me, but did not bother me. I stopped where I was on the ladder and let myself feel it, it was nice to feel it, talk to it and reassure it and then continue on climbing. Now I actually know what people mean when they talk about fear.
This WSW is turning everything on it head. I was considered by many as being a true representation of a spiritual person, I quite liked being as I was that but at this same time I felt so limited in many areas. I understand what Clive is saying now about having a choice, before I did not have a choice I was being forced into certain presentations with no ability to feel or express or live any other way. Now I can choose how to be; in fact I marvel at how wonderful it is to be able to have the choice to make my own decisions in each moment. Before my Higher Self made these decisions and I was a puppet being jerked by its strings. I wanted a greater freedom and paradoxically I did this by getting rid of what so many others aspire to.
What is the higher self?
A Higher Self is a concept presented within the light work / ascension approaches describing a form that is part of yourself that guides and supports you. That the spiritual consensus here likes to package diversity to create an insipid oneness is confirmed as this description of the ‘Higher Self’ from elsewhere illustrates; “The higher self is known by various names; God self, transpersonal witness, angelic self, overself, oversoul. The oversoul/higher self is often what is met in mystical experiences and interpreted as a benevolent deity or being.” These types of interpretation are a classical example of paradigm lock – where peoples entirely different original experiences and awareness are all boiled down to mean the same thing. This description is appalling in this regard; lumping entirely different beings and concepts together to try and force them into one mould. For myself I suspect that what is called here the overself / oversoul might actually refer to what we call our ‘original’ form. Angelic beings are part of the hierarchy I counted some as personal friends during the phase when I had daily contact with them and they have no association with the rest. Gods / goddesses are a mine field with many different representations and the higher self has entirely different origins as we have just described here.
The higher self is a clone of an original soul form. It is enslaved to a none identical twin for the rest of eternity, it and it’s twin have changes made to their energy bodies that ensure that they conform to their roles. If you make a free choice to experience this type of world then fair enough, but when your incarnation finishes and you leave, all of these changes and technology are left intact. Forcing you to adhere to certain values, behaviors, responses, a subset of emotions and a severely limited emotional expression. Is this spiritual? Thank God I do not have a higher self, I prefer to be as free as possible to make my own choices and to develop naturally.
Compulsive Sexual attractions and temptation
Do you find that no matter what your relationship circumstances you are still VERY strongly attracted to members of the opposite sex maybe even compulsively. Have you accepted this as just ‘how you are’ and that you have no control over it?
Are you over sexed, compulsively sexual attractions?
Some people it seems are just naturally over sexed or over attracted to others? They are attracted to others just about all the time and they just have to accept that this is a normal part of who they are? But is it?
Stressing a good relationship
I met one guy like this; he was always, always very strongly attracted to women all the time. Although he was married and happy with his partner this auto attraction never stopped. He complained that it was very difficult to not go with the temptation which he did not want to. It was a constant and daily strain on his life, requiring a conscious effort of will power and integrity to hold himself to what he chose.
No longer strongly attracting women
It did not take very long to identify what was causing this and got rid of it for him. When we next met, yep he was still attracted to women, but the desperate intensity had gone, he could enjoy the view without feeling like he had to become part of it.
What is just life and what is something else? How do you tell?
Dealing with what was causing this took about 10 minutes. Most of which was spent chatting to his original soul form explaining to it what I wanted to do to get its permission and this was something that caused him stress regularly. What in your life is putting you under pressure? How many things are effecting your life that you have to push against or ignore just to hold to what you want or your values or your ideals or your balance? From my own and clients experiences many of these impulses are not naturally part of us but are being forced upon us deliberately. It is quite shocking to realize that compulsions like this may not actually be part of you, but be something making you like this. How many have a relationship ruined or trust damaged because of these types of life temptations?
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA