There are more of them out there than we might think. Long time married people who are living a sexless marriage. While a loving marriage may be had without sex, I am sure that many will agree with me when I say that sex and physical intimacy should definitely be a part of marriage and can strengthen it.
While sex in marriage is private, it is also something that a couple should not be ashamed about and should seek help if needed.
As one of my favorite lines from the movie Moonstruck is said when an older couple goes about their business of running their store all of the while having big smiles and intimate looks. The husband goes around singing and complimenting his wife while she out of embarrassment attempts to shush him. He replies something like this: "What? The pleasure of marriage is that you sleep with the woman and nobody can say anything about it."
Often a sexless marriage can sneak up on a couple. One minute you are sexually active and the next thing you know you can't remember the last time you became intimate. So what are some of the possible causes of a sexless marriage?
- A major event such as the birth of a child
- Too many demands of work and family
- Low sex drive by one or both spouses
- The use of sex as a bargaining tool.
- Not making sexual intimacy a priority in the marriage
- Low self esteem by one or both spouses
- Body insecurity
- Illness or lack of fitness
- Resenting the other spouse
- Fear of rejection after having been turned down for sex
- Low sexual at the beginning of the marriage or lack of sexual initiation.
- As you can see, there are a lot of different things that can lead to a sexless marriage.
- Often these reasons work in combination. It is important to recognize these factors and work on eliminating them.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA