Catching a Cheating Spouse

Published on by CMe




Catching a Cheating Spouse

Is my spouse cheating on me? How many times have married couples pondered on this simple yet profound question? A question that can make or break a marriage… I'm sure at one point or another in the years of being married, this question has crossed the minds of married couples; more so if the couples are going thru a rough patch.

During difficult times, a minor misunderstanding can be blown out of proportion.

Most affairs start out at work place given that we spend a good deal of our time in the office especially if your work is project base. If you regularly meet up with your spouse's co-workers and one day if you find that the friendly camaraderie that exists between you suddenly turns uncomfortable. Chances are your spouse is having an affair with yours truly or they've had a minor fling. That would explain the awkwardness that you are experiencing.

A change in behavior is apparent when you have something to hide. This goes the same for spouses who are cheating too. They'll be very edgy and when questioned, usually give a very elusive kind of answer. Spending hours on end in front of the computer long after you are in bed, giving the excuse that work is piling up and when you check their mailbox, it is surprisingly empty.

If your spouse suddenly shows extreme interest in a certain activity which he or she has absolutely no interest in till recently, you need not take a second guess that something is amiss. This new interest is usually followed up by a preoccupation with their appearance; such as a new hair style, going on a shopping spree to replenish the wardrobe with the latest fashionable clothes.

If that is not enough to arouse your suspicions, then the frequent phone calls where conversations are carried out in a low voice or barely audible whispers should sound the alarm in your head. The next time you see your spouse receiving such calls, walk up to him or her, chances are the conversation will end before you are within earshot. And if you happen to pick up your spouse call, the caller would immediately hang up.

How To Tell If Your Husband Is Cheating On You
Is there any hard or fast rule to tell if your husband has strayed? Some would blame it on the seven year itch but the truth is it can happen any where and at anytime. Irregardless of what others may say, you can safely deduce that something is amiss when there is a change in his routine.

Although there is no fix pattern in the change of routine or behavior, here are some of the tell tale signs that your husband is cheating on you ...

First signs of cheating are usually the sudden onset of working overtime and emergency meetings but that overtime never show up on his pay check. This will eventually lead you to ask yourself if your husband is cheating… How do you check if he is cheating ? Start with the obvious, check his car and see if you can find strands of hair that sure as hell don't belong to you. Next check his shirts for lipstick stains and see if he comes home with the smell of unfamiliar perfume! On top of that, if there is sudden influx of business trips and he starts saying he's had a long day and is very tired when you want to talk or when he evades from directly answering your questions, you were right in sensing that your husband is indeed cheating on you. 

That coupled with frequent phone calls on his cell where the caller hangs up when you answer; is bad news. You can be sure something is definitely amiss if he starts disappearing into the next room after picking up late night calls, and when you walk in, he's talking on the phone with a slow tone with a silly smile plastered on his face. Soon, you'll find that he is practically glued to the computer after you have gone to bed; religiously burning midnight oil in front of the computer and if you want to check if he is cheating, check his email… An empty Inbox smells fishy and just reinforce the fact that he has something to hide.

At one point or another Mr. Sloppy dresser will suddenly develop an obsession with his appearance and next thing you know, you find a shirt or a tie that you did not buy for him. How to you catch a cheating husband then ? When's he's without his shirt, check for unexplained scratches or bruises on his neck and back. If you are on the pill, check and see if he's carrying a condom. If these two adds up, you can bet your last dollar that he is definitely cheating on you. When a husband is cheating, he will be less comfortable around you and would probably avoid sex altogether. Either that or your man who is not sexually adventurous suddenly becomes very eager to try new positions.

When he starts removing child seats and toys from his car, you should be on red alert! The change in attitude will not only be directed towards you but also towards everyone at home. The change in behavior may be gradual and subtle that it takes you a while to realize what is happening.

Another tell tale sign of a cheating husband is when your husbands stops communicating with you and pick fights instead which often ended up with him stomping out of the house after declaring that you are difficult and impossible. It's like he's trying to unload the guilt to you instead or trying to justify to himself the reason why he had strayed.

There you have it… the list of things to look out for if you suspect that your husband has cheated on you. Not all cheating husbands have affair, some could just be an ONS. Early detection could help salvage your relationship, so it pays to be more attentive.

How To Tell If Your Wife Is Cheating On You
If a comparison on women fidelity is made between the women of today and those of our mother's or grandmother's time, we can see that over the years the number of women who have cheated on their spouse has increased.

Well, this isn't to say that women have grown to be less faithful over the years but it's more like marriage these days are more stressful and given the fact that most women are working, husband and wife spend less time with each other.

So, why do wives cheat on their husband? Unlike men, women rarely cheat consciously. What I meant by consciously is that women don't usually actively go out and seek men to have an affair with. Well, there is still a small group that actively seeks men out but for the better part of women who have affairs, it just happened. These women are usually emotionally vulnerable when the affair starts; meaning that their own marriage is going thru a rough patch.

What are the tell tale signs that your wife is cheating on you? Honey, if you see your wife splurging on new lingerie and you don't see those baby dolls when she's lying next to you, you'd better start paying attention to what she does and where she goes. If she goes all out and bust your credit card on new clothes, facials, sliming program and new hairdo, all the more reason for you to check up on your little lady. Chances are she's in 'love' and you are not the object of her affection.

Women in general love to talk, so if your spouse suddenly stops confiding in you or seeking your advice and opinion, she's most likely getting it from somewhere else. Unlike men, women thrive on emotional support, if she feels that she is not getting it from you or feels that you have lost interest in her, it is only a matter of time before she strays and start cheating behind your back.

If your wife starts going out frequently for long hours telling you that she is attending to a sick friend, watch out! Her 'sick friend' may not be sick but sure as hell is getting a lot of TLC from yours truly. Or she takes 5 hours to do grocery shopping instead of the usual 2 hours - another sign of a cheating wife.

How to catch a cheating wife ? A good way to start will be your wedding ring. The prominent object that would very likely be missing on cheating wives is their wedding ring. Well, you can't blame them now, can you… you wouldn't want to walk around advertising your marital status when you stray, rite? Naturally, the 'ring' would have to be missing!

Hey, if you come home one day to find a hot stud in your house whom your wife calls her personal trainer… you can bet your last dollar that he's doing a lot more than just training your wife. Or she's just hired a masseuse named Antonio who also happens to look like a Greek God! He's the living proof that your wife is cheating!

If you see this pattern in your marriage, get some electronic gadget from the local hardware and set up a surveillance system to gather evidence. While you are at that, start working very hard to salvage your marriage. All the hard work will not go to waste as a loving relationship is very fulfilling and helps you thru rough times while a destructive relationship is bad for the health. 

How To Tell If Someone Is Lying
Being riddled with the question of "how to know someone is lying", i decided to seek advice from experts in BeingAMan forum. Those guys were a great help.

There are a number of signs you want to look for when a woman is lying :
  • Skin color changes - either flushes or gets pale
  • Eyes dart around, won't look you directly in the eye when they were doing it comfortably before, pupils dilate
  • Increased blinking
  • Touches/rubs herself
  • Lowers her head
  • Turns her body away from you when her shoulders were square to yours before
  • Her mouth gets dry
  • Breathing gets shallow or she holds her breath and rapid indicating an increased heartbeat
  • She starts playing with something she's holding like a drink or her purse
  • She crinkles up her nose or touches her face
  • She tightens her lips or clenches her jaw

Of course, just one of these signals can't be used as an indication of anything. You need at least 3 or more of them together or rapidly following one another.

The only way to really get good at this is to practice watching her. However, you need to know when she's lying (you know the truth and she doesn't know that you know it), and to see what "tells" she uses specifically. She might use others not included in this list.

Also, she can look you STRAIGHT IN THE EYE when she lies as well. My best clue, is her VOICE TONE. 

Overtime, you can figure out her voice tone when she lies. One chic i knew, her voice would very slightly "tighten up". Some other chicks might go higher than usual, etc. Voice is a tough on for many people but because my voice is my bidniz, i can tell a lot about a person just from their voice tone.

That's funny, because that is second nature to me, after all the voice training i have done. For a "normal" person, how the tone of their voice operates is INVOLUNTARY. You can't consciously control it. It involves all of the tiny muscles in their throat, and the resonators in their head and chest, which are constricted, when the emotions/muscles get constricted.

The ONLY way to manipulate your voice, is by using "method" acting techniques, where you manipulate your own Emotions, and the Voice follows naturally. That is what really good film actors do, and that's why they are so believable. This is also why soap-opera actors are so PHONY. Its their voice that is not in the correct, realistic emotional place.

For people with a trained media/politics broadcast voice, its more difficult, as their voice is quite homogenized. Those guys are ALWAYS lying ! :-)

But for the average chic/salesman, whoever, i can usually tell what they are doing by the tone of their voice. You will see, some chicks voice will "harden" very slightly when they lie, or perhaps it will soften. Or some guys voices get very "businesslike" when they lie to you. 

Just for fun, go and listen to some strippers VOICE TONES for a while. You can tell a lot about them, by the tone of their voice. Their voice usually does NOT match their body !

Some chicks ALWAYS talk in a breathy tone of voice, as everything they say is FAKE ! They are ALWAYS trying to "please people" so they talk in a breathy, girly voice, cut off from their actual genuine feelings. When they hit REAL emotions, their voice drops about 4 notes !

But beware, there are some trained people, and some pathological liars, who can even have their voice match what they do. But they are very rare. 

You can train yourself to HEAR very subtle involuntary emotions in peoples voices.

Discover A Cheating Husband
If you think your husband is cheating on you and feel that you have a reason to be suspicious you may be able to do a little creative detective work on your own and find out the truth. If you don’t want to do this on your own you can also look into hiring a private investigator to follow your husband and let you know definitively whether or not your husband is cheating on you.

Here are a few ways which you do when you discover your husband cheating on you.

Hiring a private investigate can be costly though so if you can do a little investigating on your own you might be able to avoid this cost. While you may be able to investigate on your own to find your answer you should make sure that before you begin your investigation you are prepared for the answers you may receive. If you have your suspicions about your husband, you probably already realize that the relationship is in trouble but you also need to be ready for a revelation that could put an end to the relationship.

If you share credit cards or phones, these statements could become part of your investigation. Review the credit card bill each month to search for suspicious charges. Repeated hotel charges or charges to flower shops can be an indication that your spouse is cheating especially if you haven’t received flowers from your husband lately and haven’t spent nights in a hotel recently. The phone bill can also give you some clues as to whether or not your husband is cheating. Be wary of frequent calls to a phone number that you do not recognize. If you find these suspicious phone charges either call the number yourself or have a friend do it. You may find that it’s a friend or relative who must have gotten a new phone number unbeknownst to you or you may find that it is someone with whom your husband is having an affair. If you call the number and find that it belongs to someone you don’t know, try to get some information about their involvement with your husband without being judgmental about them.

It is important to remember that this person may not even know that the person they are seeing is involved in another relationship. Another way to use credit card and phone statements as investigative tools is to ask your husband straight out about suspicious charges. If they have reason to be ashamed about the charges, their reaction will most likely give you the answers you were seeking.

Another deceptive way to catch a cheating husband is to ask questions about where they are going and take note, without their knowledge, of the mileage on the odometer before they leave and after they return. If you know where they are going you can use the Internet to determine the mileage to the location where they said they would be. When they return, make and excuse to go into the car and while you are there check the current mileage. If it doesn’t match up with what you expected from your earlier investigation, confront your husband about it. If they seem to have trouble explaining where they have been, it may be an indication that they are cheating.

Asking a lot of detailed questions can be another way to catch a cheating husband. If your husband is going somewhere without you, ask questions about where they will be and who they will be with. After they leave, wait a few minutes and then try driving to the place where they had told you they would be. If you don’t find their car parked where they had said they were going, this may also be an indication that your husband is cheating. Again confront them on this and see if they can offer a valid explanation for not being where they said they would be.

Still another way to catch a cheating husband is to pay careful attention to details. This will allow you to pick up on inconsistencies in what your husband tells you. If you often catch them in seemingly little, white lies or if they frequently offer contradicting information about where they have been, you may have a husband who is cheating on you.

Catching a cheating husband may not be a pleasant experience but it is better to find out the truth sooner than later. As unpleasant as it may be, if you have your suspicions about your husband cheating there is a very good chance that you have a reason to be suspicious. Whether you investigate on your own or enlist the help of a private investigator, catching a cheating husband may not be a difficult task.

Here's a risk-free way to find out once and for all what your partner is doing behind your back and who they're doing it with. This powerful information is guaranteed to work or your money back! 

Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

To be informed of the latest articles, subscribe:

Comment on this post

Appy 12/02/2009 11:23

One of the biggest clues, if you suspect your spouse is cheating, is a noticeable change in their schedule. In fact, you may notice this long before the affair turns physical. Even when they are
still in the flirting stage, they will set off alarm bells.

If your spouse is cheating, then they have to make time to see the other person. That time isn't easily acquired and almost always looks suspicious.

Nichola 12/02/2009 11:22

If you've been with your spouse for the longest time, it won't be hard to spot signs of infidelity. The mere fact that you are suspecting, some gut feel or instinct dictates that something is
wrong, you could check it out. Thanks for the nice article!

Mia Micheals 12/02/2009 11:21

Sometimes it is unfortunate that why people we want to love, choose not to love us back. I strongly believe that we all have a match in this word but need to wait until we can get a serious
relationship with us and will last. When one attempt to a relationship fails, it simply meant to be. If you are affected with the pain because of the relationship, always remember you can recover
it. This could be easily dealt with if only our emotions are not evolved when we start to feel strongly for someone but more often than not ,the heart rules strongly over our head.

Sasha 12/02/2009 11:20

totally agree with Kate above - it's all down to communication, or lack of, between a couple. There's always stages that come before betrayal, and if you are talking to each other and picking up on
the signs it generally doesn't have to come to private investigators…

Kate Broadway 12/02/2009 11:19

In my opinion, infidelity in marriage occurs, when the other was not having enough time with his/her partner. In most cases, a person tend to cheat when they feel like their partner is not spending
much time with them.. or if they feel like their partners' attitude changed a lot. Although it's not a good reason to cheat, and there's no good reason to cheat.. sometimes we cannot blame these
people.. when all they want is some attention from their partners.
But I'm making exceptions to those cheaters who cheat not because their lucking of attention from their partners.. but they're just not contented with what they have. So, I agree with you Aprille,
if you feel like, your partner is acting weird.. better hire for a private investigator, or be the investigator yourself.. if you can't afford it, with the help of your friends.
Thanks for this post.. and good luck to your blog.