Ask men! Are clumsy women less appealing?

Published on by CMe

 

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Ask men! Are clumsy women less appealing? 

 
 
   

Who wouldn’t want to date a hottie like Mischa Barton? Nobody, according to The O.C. star.

 

Why? Because she’s a self-confessed klutz.

 

In a recent interview, pretty Mischa revealed that she is ‘constantly bruising and grazing knees’, which is why no one would want to date her as she is an ‘embarrassment’.

Chennai men agree, saying a relationship needs more than good looks to sustain itself.

 

Says Sameer Shah, a management trainee with a financial company, “If your goal is a long-term relationship, then you need to have common interests and the girl you’re dating should be the kind of person you want to introduce to your friends and family. Which is why proper etiquette plays a huge role.”

 

Slob-like behaviour, even from a beautiful gal, tends to turn the guys off. Harish Nagarajan, a CA student says, “If a girl kept dropping her cutlery at a restaurant or laughed at all the wrong scenes while watching a movie, it’s definitely an embarrassment.”

On the other hand, there are a handful of men who believe that unconditional acceptance is the key to a successful relationship. “I believe that for each one of us there is a perfect match,” points out singer/RJ Arjun Thomas. “It’s important to be yourself and only if someone accepts you for who you are, is the relationship true and honest.”

 

Women feel discriminated against by men who say they wouldn’t date a klutz. “Like they say, opposites attract, so I’ve always believed that if I’m a super-organised person my partner will be the kind whose things are all over the place — like Monica and Chandler in Friends,” explains Neha Ramachandran, an entrepreneur.

 

 


http://tinyurl.com/yg8qvcaDetecting Lies and Manipulations

If you wish to learn the truth, then it is critically important that you learn to detect lies. Without this skill you are likely to be sent off in a thousand wrong directions. Can you trust what you are told about repairing your car or your home? How about the drugs or medical procedures your doctor says you need? What about the news you see on TV or read in the paper? How much do you trust the people you have personal relationships with? Are men really from Mars and women from Venus, or is there more to it than that?

First of all, really LISTEN to what people say. If you just assume that people are bla bla talking then you will miss a lot. Lies and manipulations come in many different forms from all different types of people. The lies we miss, from people we never thought would use us in such a way, are the ones which tend to cut deeply. The point of this entire web site is that we are being misled in many different ways and the sooner we get a grasp on what is really going on the better we will be for it.

How does one respond to a liar? Do not fall into the trap of using lies yourself. Lies are not "the easy way out". If others around you use lies, then perhaps you should reconsider your ties to them. If you are part of some group where the leadership instructs you to use lies, then it is only logical that they are using lies on you also. Think about it; if they think lies are proper for you to use, then why would they suddenly turn truthful when it comes to you? If they advocate you going to lengths to carry out deceptions on others, then it is likely they also go to lengths to fool you. Are you more special to them than "the suckers"?

f you are in a position where people who oppose you use lies; it is still not a valid reason to use them yourself. If you do lie and get caught, it will be used against you. No one I know is perfectly honest, but honesty is an ideal we can all aspire to. 

Perhaps the biggest reason to keep in mind for not using lies is that such usage becomes habit forming and is toxic to character. Use of lies brings about thought process which states, "Well, this is not right, but if it is questioned then I'll just lie. I can get away with it." Getting away with it, also called shortcut thinking, can be considered a thinking disorder. The habitual liar looks for shortcuts to his goals and such lazy thinking misses seeing the situation in depth. The liar, like the gambler, is looking to get something for nothing. They look at the odds of success more than they consider whether the goal is really what they want. Rather than putting real thought into considering his goals, the liar's ingrained thought patterns take the familiar easy way out and he frequently ends us pursuing goals that do not really reflect his heart's desire. 

I believe that the use of lies becomes an ingrained character trait and that we lie to ourselves about as much as we lie to the outside world. If we lie to ourselves then it is easier to buy into rationalizations that lead us to go after things which society or advertisers or our social group seem to value rather than what is our true heart's desire. Sadly, the habitual liar may be so busy dwelling on shortcut ways to get such things that she has little energy to explore that which is really meaningful for her. Thus even if she is successful in reaching these superficial goals, there is little satisfaction for her there. The restless searching continues.


A simplistic example of the destructive effects of using lies is the successful salesman who will say almost anything to get the sale. He uses his income to obtain status symbols to increase his selling power, thinking that is the easy way to find happiness. In his personal life, he is selling all the time too, but in time his wife sees she is not getting all that was promised. The alienation at home sends him exploring other relationship options, and when all that catches up to him, he is divorced and has lost much of what he has worked so hard to get. Like a hamster running in a spinning wire wheel, he is fooled by the illusion of getting something the quick and easy way, which consumes his time and energy.


Types of Lies

Here is a list of different types of lies and manipulations commonly encountered. This list is by no means all inclusive. People who tend to be basically honest, however, might not expect that these types of manipulations are going on, and may be better able to protect themselves by studying this list.
  • Simple fabrication The liar makes something up, for example as an excuse. "I'm late because there was an accident on the interstate and traffic was backed up." Or, "That group of people have terrible destructive weapons so we must attack them first in order to be safe."

  • Hidden agenda The liar's real reasons for doing something are covered over.

  • Change the subject The liar directs the conversation to something other than the topic he wants to cover up. Sudden shifts like this can be a hint that something is going on. 

  • Get emotional The liar acts emotional as a diversion, to trigger your guilt feelings or to intimidate you into backing off the subject.

  • Trigger your emotions The liar may act angry or verbally attack you to get you feeling fearful. Emotions tend to short circuit rational thought. If you become angry or yell or act out of control then he can focus attention on how inappropriate you are. Love and sex are also powerful diversions.

  • Being super sweet The liar will act extra nice so that you will be motivated to not bring up a sore subject and wreck the mood. This is a form of emotional blackmail with the unspoken threat of turning angry and aggressive if you bring up what she doesn't want to deal with.

  • Dodge responsibility It wasn't the liar's fault, no matter what. It is somebody else's fault. 

  • Never admit anything Manipulative people often live by a code of never admitting anything wrong about themselves, even in the face of irrefutable proof. In fact, such behavior can be diagnostic. Sometimes this is because exposing one minor lie uncovers the next one and so on. Thus if you are suspicious of someone it can be interesting to "pry" at seemingly unimportant inconsistencies to test their defense mechanisms.

  • Layers of lies Bigger manipulations often require several layers of lies to cover up. A skillful liar will use layers of lies to hide big manipulations. If the top one or two lies are exposed the liar still has others in place. This is one important reason to not let seemingly "little white lies" go unchallenged. The lies beneath get rapidly bigger and blacker.

  • Blame the victim The liar finds or creates something about you to blame for what he really did to you. This one can be so nasty that some people can't imagine that the liar would do such a thing. For example, the husband who is secretly having an affair, justifies his prolonged absences from home on the wife's depressed mood when, in fact, his behavior is the major cause of the wife's depression.

  • Verbal proof story These are supposedly true stories that "prove" the point the liar is trying to make. Salespeople use verbal proof stories to counter the buyer's objections.

  • Priming lies A skillful liar may use a series of smaller and seemingly inconsequential lies to give credibility to a bigger lie. For example you might never question a spouse's comments about how his co-worker drinks so much coffee and is so clumsy. Then comes the day your spouse is late coming home with the excuse that the clumsy co-worker spilled coffee all over himself and he had to take him to the emergency room. You already accept the part about the coffee and the clumsiness, the rest of the story isn't that much of a stretch. Your spouse may even say, "You KNOW how clumsy he is and how much coffee he drinks!" The correct response there would be, "No, I know you have told me that many times , but I have no personal experience of that myself." In fact, if you are sensitive to what people tell you, you may even pick up some priming lies in the making. It is very important to differentiate between what we have experienced directly ourselves and what we have been told.

  • Details added in This is a form of verbal proof story. The liar adds various details to give her made-up story depth. If she is busy being charming or sexy at the same time you may swallow such statements whole and not question in your own mind what you are told. Details give a lie the appearance of truth.

  • Finding similar faults When the liar's faults are pointed out he may then go on a campaign to find or fabricate similar faults in you, thus showing that he is no worse than you. He is trying to prevent you from being able to say anything about him by raising the fear that you will be called the same thing too. A really skillful liar will go on an advance pro-active campaign to point out faults you supposedly have in the exact areas he is concerned about being caught in. Perhaps this is why some people say that when one spouse is really jealous of their partner, it is an indication that the jealous one is prone to having affairs.

  • Ask for help with something Some people have a need to be helpful, perhaps as a way of earning love or friendship, which the liar will manipulate by asking for help when he may not even need or want such help. His real agenda is to get you feeling invested in him and thus you will be more hesitant to find fault with something/someone you are invested in. There may be an unstated expectation that he will feel some affection for you in return for your help which causes you to see him in a more positive light.

  • It is no big deal The liar minimises the effects of what she has done. "It's no big deal. Why are you getting upset over nothing?" This, of course, is because it happened to you, not to her.

  • Attack is the best defense Similar to blame the victim. The Liar proceeds to attack you so that your concerns about him get lost while you defend yourself

  • Rewrite history The liar makes points in her favor by telling a version of previous events which you both know to be untrue. If you fail to object to this attempt to rewrite history then this version of events can become the accepted one by your tacit agreement. Here again it points out how important it is that you pay attention both to what people say and to events as they happen so you won't get fooled just because your memory is fuzzy. In areas of particular concern it is always good practice to jot down notes about events as soon as possible afterwards. Exact quotes can be helpful. Of course, a tape recording or video of events can be very helpful in some situations.

  • Truth with some details left out Like, ("...and then we had sex...") The liar can be convincing because he is "telling the truth". Watch out for inappropriate smiles which may pop out, sometimes for only a micro-second. The liar may show emotional energy when discussing mundane things.

     

 

Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at  MetroSexual LA

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