The stereotypical view of sex issues in a marriage are that the woman pulls back, has headaches or fakes sleep to get out of sex. It is usually the man who wants more sex and the woman less, right? I cringe when I hear such stuff coming out of popular culture.
Actually in reality, low sexual desire in a marriage is an issue that originates with the husband 50 percent of the time (according to Bob Berkowitz, a relationship expert and author of He's Just Not Up for It Anymore). That means that there are many wives out there who may desire more sex and want more intimacy but just aren't getting it.
While there could be several reasons for lack of sex by a husband in a marriage (not that I said lack of sex not lack of sexual desire), the first step if you are a wife in this situation is to broach the subject with your husband. This may sound easier than it is.
Typically what happens is that the wife becomes hurt when a husband shows less of an interest in sex. And this hurt can quickly turn into anger. The husband feels this anger from his wife, and it just may make things worse. The angrier the wife is, the less the husband may want to engage in sexual activity with her, according to Michele Weiner Davis. She is the author of the book, The Sex Starved Wife.
I haven't read either of these books, myself, but I thought the points from the authors during interviews were interesting.
So what do you do if you are a wife in this situation? Try to put your hurt and anger aside. Talk to your husband without accusing. Explain that you miss being intimate and close with him. Don't blame the situation on anyone, just let him know your feelings. The two of you may decide together to seek professional help.
The other thing you can do as a wife is to praise and compliment him whenever he does initiate sexual contact or physical closeness and let him know how much you enjoy it.
I'd love to hear from men on this subject. Is my advice on track or full of it? What are some reasons you would have less of an interest in sex?
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA