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| || || | You love your partner and you are so dependent on him. Despite your effort to understand your partner's volatile temperament you feel somehow that something is not right with the relationship. You want to know if you are in a toxic relationship.
Here are some of the signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship:
Your partner berates you even in the company of others
Your partner says one thing but does another; he/she says he/she loves but at the same time humiliates you
Your partner does not respect your privacy (goes through your mails) and does not trust you (checks you up all the time)
Your partner conditions you to believe that you cannot be anything without him/her
You have changed yourself so much just to please your partner
Ill-intentioned people make you sick just by being near them. It makes you wonder why some individuals would want to have anything to do with them much less have a relationship with them. A toxic relationship follows a phase. First there is the honeymoon stage, then the furious rage. When you first meet this person the first few months would be the honeymoon phase. He/she woos you until you are totally drawn in to this devious relationship and think you will not be able to get out of it.
Generally, individuals who stay in toxic relationships are raised in dysfunctional homes. They duplicate the relationships they had during their childhood thinking that that is the norm and not even realizing that their behaviors are not normal. Some believe they are not worthy to be happy. Some become controlling in their desire to take care of people.
Before an individual can get out of this kind of relationship is, they should know that they have a choice to leave the relationship. Most people who get stuck in this kind of relationship have very low self-worth and believe that they are lucky just to have this relationship or are suffering from severe depression.
Once they acknowledge that they have options, then they would have the basic courage to defend themselves. Generally, in toxic relationships, the bad partner has made the other partner believe that he/she is the culprit in the breakdown of the relationship. If the partner believes this, he/she can be trapped in that sick set-up and no healing process can ever be set.
Some people have found help in therapy groups which can either jolt them out of this insanity and leave the relationship or have the courage to set new terms regarding the relationship. It is a relief that a number of individuals are finally able to change the cycle of this destructive relationship while others have left the relationship and lead renewed lives.
A few others are fortunate enough to heal the relationship and continue with it. In fact, even this kind of relationships can be saved if both partners are willing to change. They might have to undergo counseling or temporary separation. But if there is genuine love between the two of them there is hope that this previously oppressive relationship can be turned into a healthy one.
You have to make a decision if you will opt to try to change the cycle of the relationship or would you leave it. If you decide to stay with the same situation, you will stay oppressed and excessively dependent and will never become a normal individual.
First and foremost, you have to break away from being dependent from your partner which is the central problem of a toxic relationship. If you can do that, then you can begin to declare that you are a partnership, but you are your own person. You do not have to be repetitive but be firm in saying that you need his/her love, support, or honest opinions but not total domination.
If your partner is not willing to give in, then let him/her know that it's either that or you are gone. Since two individuals make up a relationship then the needs of both individuals should be met, this is how a healthy relationship should go. In contrast, toxic relationships are controlled by one while the other meekly follows.
If You Want Your Ex Back, You May Have to Act Devious
Why would you want to be devious because you want your ex back? Not devious in the sense that the connotation of the word suggests, but sneaky in the approach you must take. First of all, your ex may have no idea that you want her/him back. You know that you want your ex back badly, but your ex may have no idea.
So now is the time that you may have to act devious if you want your ex back. Therefore, you may have to learn to be devious in the way you interact with this person so he/she doesn't have a clue what you are up to. Maybe you weren't ready for the relationship to end. Are you that one person who is hanging on?
Maybe it wasn't real obvious to your ex that you were trying to hang on. Perhaps your ex views you as someone who really didn't want to keep the relationship going. Did the ending of your relationship look as if you really wanted to move on? If you began to date others or ran with your ex's friends, then word may have gotten back to your ex that you were indeed moving on.
If you get a chance to talk with your ex, try to make him/her feel as though you are happy. You might even pretend to be happy about his/her new life. Doing these two things could very well help you get your ex back. What you are trying to do is show your ex a more stable and independent person. These qualities tend to draw others to you.
Part of being sneaky or devious is to give your ex some time. You may think of him/her constantly, but do not call, email, write or text them every day. Remember you are trying to be sneaky, not obvious! You don't want your ex to think you are actually trying to get him/her back. After a couple weeks, call him/her or send a text or email. In this message, just ask how things are going for him/her. Try to sound like one of his/her old friends, not an ex lover. Consider how you get in touch with your friends, and approach your ex in this manner.
If your ex should begin to send you messages, you need to just let her/him talk. Remember, you're being devious. Don't fawn all over him/her and blurt out that you miss him/her badly. Just let them talk. Your friendly attitude shows him/her that you value the things that he/she has to say. Your attitude about this could have a huge impact on how he/she feels about you. What you are doing is showing him/her that you are a good listener. He/she may find that they really value you and want you back.
So your being devious has allowed you to make contact with your ex. It is allowing you to develop a new friendship with him/her. Instead of you actually chasing him/her, you may find yourself being pursued. Most likely, your being devious will cause your ex to make the first move. That's what you are looking for - an opportunity. By being devious you probably will get that opportunity.
That is why you may have to act devious if you want to get your ex back. You don't want to let him/her know that you're in pursuit. You want him/her to believe that it is his/her idea to get back together. Then, when the opportunity comes, you can jump at the chance to get back with them.
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