| || || | Most people when surveyed say they want more happiness in their life. However, few people sit down to figure out what will make them happy. They do not take the time to find out what desires they have that need to be fulfilled. They just keep going forward expecting it to happen.
Some might say they want a better relationship with their spouse, better relationship with their child, others might say they want a better work environment and move into management. Now, these things might happen by accident, good luck, or because of someone else's efforts, but generally that is not the case. Usually, it comes from planning and taking the time to make it happen.
Without goals one is adrift in the sea of life. They go where the waves and currents take them. This might be where they always wanted to go, but often it can be out to the middle of the ocean floating in circles. Only those who have a plan can go on the journey and find what they are looking for and get to where they want to be. They navigate the waters and control their destination. They understand the different stops they might have to make on the way to acquire the necessary knowledge to move forward again.
If it is a better relationship you are seeking, it will take more than one date to bring the relationship back to a place you are both comfortable.
In business, it may be that you need to be in different positions to acquire those skills you need in order to be considered for the position you really want.
If you do not take the time for your relationship or understand where you want to go in your career, you are unlikely to reach those destinations. With goals you can create a plan of where you want to go and work your plan to get there.
Men's Lifestyle, Fixing a Troubled Relationship
It is inevitable in romantic relationships that the mystique, or spark, might flicker just the tiniest bit – in some cases, threatening extinction. Men who are interested in rekindling romance and trying their very best to make a marriage or relationship work would do well to consider certain lifestyle options or changes in order to make things work.
Communication – Become a Great Speaker and an Attentive Listener
One of the most common issues in long-term relationships is that, over time, a communications barrier is erected between the two partners. Because the “newness” of a relationship, or the state of infatuation, is over – there is thus much more time to be spent alone with one another, precipitating conversation or activity.
One of the key secrets to a permanently successful marriage or relationship is in ensuring that the lines of communication always remain completely open and that those lines remain attractive options to both partners.
Men should be able to talk to their husbands or wives about anything that is concerning them – be it stress at work or in their careers, health concerns, sexual dysfunction, mental or emotional problems.
Women should likewise be able to share anything and everything with their spouse, without fear of intimidation, ridicule, or the possibility of being shunted away or ignored entirely.
By employing a constant, open, and honest dialogue – partners in a marriage or relationship will find immense happiness and stress relief in having the gift of a constant confidante and lover in tune with your own thoughts and desires.
Compromise – Great Marriages and Relationships Rely on Sharing Responsibility
The most enduring and satisfying relationships are those that are based on a deeply rooted foundation of sharing and co-operation. Partners are encouraged to work as a perpetual team, and in most cases will end up sharing finances as well as living space.
This does not mean that a man can't go out for a weekend party with the boys once in a while, or that a woman can't have an exciting girls night out on the town – in fact the freedom afforded by open communication and shared respect allows for more individuality and personal liberty; there are no trust issues in healthy relationships because communication is always maintained.
Compromise also entails the sharing of burdens and responsibility. While it is vital to discuss stresses (commonly, financial or sexual stresses), it is also vital to act upon them. If a spouse falls ill or becomes unable to draw a pay cheque for whatever reason – it should not be held against them or used against them as an argumentative tool.
Rather, the husband or wife that is able to fill the gap should take charge and lead the way, working hard to fulfill the needs generated by this absence. This means, be extension, that selflessness (when the chips are down) is of utmost importance as a character trait when choosing a mate for long-term relationships or marriage.
Careers may well be important, but if your relationship is not more important in the scheme of things – perhaps it is time to either move on, or consider casual dating.
Communication and compromise are the lynchpins of a successful, happy, and rewarding long-term relationship or marriage. Without these two key factors being implemented constantly, with both partners working as a team to ensure their mutual success, it is quite likely that a relationship is in for a rough ride.
Casual sex: Feel good factor
Aanchal Mehra, a management student agrees, "It's not about being promiscuous, but having sex with a stranger can actually lift your mood. It happened with me once when I was going through a very low phase. I went to a friend's party and hooked up with this guy. We had a blast that night and the next day we parted as friends. I felt desirable and wanted once again, and frankly I felt very happy."
The trend is recent and something that picks up from the frantic pace of urban living. Often hectic schedules and lack of socializing leaves one feeling adrift and sidelined. Thus people draw support in whichever form they can or so observes, psychologist Surendra Mehta, Care clinic, "Casual sex is on the rise because of factors like loneliness, peer pressure, living away from one's home. It happens when there's no faith left in oneself. Think of someone who doesn't have a great job or a fulfilling relationship or lacks friends to bail him/her out in times of crisis. It is then that they fall on measures that they assume can lift their spirits for some time. Sex is more like an addiction just as people tend to eat a lot when depressed."
Women don't get carried away:
Hollywood too swears by the benefits of casual sexual encounters. Leading actress Cameron Diaz for instance recently stated that there isn't a better way to get back in shape than hitting the sack. Studies too have revealed that women are less likely to regret an impromptu fling, if they feel gratified sexually afterwards. Most women don't equate a romp in the sack with a walk down the aisle. Surveys reveal that over 52 per cent believe their most recent casual encounter to be 'just a one-time thing'.
Says actor/anchor Pooja Bedi, "Having sex with someone you don't love doesn't necessarily mean you are committing a grave sin. The best part of today's society is that it is beginning to accept female sexuality. People have various things to lift their spirits, this is one of them, so be it, and it's human after all to crave for touch. And women, just like men want to enjoy their bodies. So there isn't anything wrong in indulging in casual sex as long as you know where to draw the line."
Manish Singh, a software professional, points out, "I think the key is that everyone wants to matter, especially to their sex partners. We have created a world in which we treat sex as a private recreational activity, with no moral or social significance. But when sex is a recreational activity, my partner becomes equivalent to a consumer good. And we all know what we do with consumer goods that cease to satisfy us beyond a point, we get rid of them. In this world of consumer sex, it is socially acceptable to find pleasure with people you don't love. But yes, no one likes to end up feeling used."
Casual sex to reduce boredom
Doctors claim that a session in bed with an unknown face can actually spice up your personal life. Although none would advise it, but the fact remains that it jolts you back out of your boredom and pushes you to being innovative. Says a doctor on condition of anonymity, "I have had patients who find no interest in having sex with their husbands/wives. In fact, they complain of being turned off by the very thought of it. However, a torrid fling outside marriage breathes new life into a sagging relationship with one's spouse. Does it really matter if you get back your stamina and feel good about yourself, even if your spouse was unaware of what went on behind his back?"
A recent study done by the University of Chicago on the sexual lives of adults reveals that housewives bored by their routine look for affairs outside their marriage. In fact, a one-night-stand often reignites the lost spark that may have gotten snuffed out due to marriage and monotony, a la Tabu who played the rebellious wife in the Mahesh Manjrekar's film Astitva.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA