A First-Impression Payoff
Guys think they strike out on the first impression because of factors like the way they look or just because the chick wasn’t interested in shooting the bull. In reality, there are several minor details that the average guy fails to pick up on that are ruining his first impression on a woman.
Imagine being able to practice the first impression. Wouldn’t it make approaching and talking to women at bars much easier with the confidence of thousands of first meetings under your belt? You could eliminate all of the odd small talk and uncomfortable pauses in which you’re thinking: ”She didn’t walk away, so what the hell do I say next?”
- Have a wingwoman
While some might think it odd to have another person in the room while chatting, Greg sees it as a huge advantage to a guy looking to meet new women. “It shows that you are competent enough to have value to another woman. It also reassures the partner that you are not a creep looking for action. However, make sure she does not go on camera too much, they may think she is your wife/girlfriend.”
In real life: It doesn’t hurt to have female friends. Seeing a woman in a group of men is reassuring to other women. If possible, introduce the female friend early in the conversation and make it obvious that the two of you aren’t linked romantically. Mention her in passing and even use her as a conversation starter. Hopefully she starts a conversation with your wingwoman and it keeps her around for a while longer -- long enough for you to figure out how to move this conversation to an online chat because you are so damn nervous.
- Know when to end the conversation
This goes back again to the "hard to get" concept. “Remember to be a little mysterious,” Greg reminds chatters. “Leave her your contact info after things are really good. Leave only after you have introduced yourself, had a little conversation and got a feel for her and she is feeling all tingly inside.”
In real life: Just like you don't have to chat online for hours at a time, a guy doesn't have to monopolize a woman's entire evening by bending her ear for hours on end. She wants to hang out with her friends or maybe even talk to other people over the course of the night. Make a connection, talk for a few minutes, get a phone number and say: "Maybe we will talk later on in the night, but if not, I'll give you a call."
- Sit up straight
Seeing a guy with bad posture slumped over in a chair on video chat is a big turnoff. First off, it gives her the impression that you’re frumpy and out of shape because your body is doubled over and displaying much girth. Secondly, if you’re this uninterested in meeting her for the first time, what will your nonverbal communications be after a couple dates?
In real life: Drop the invisible suitcases that are weighing your arms and shoulders down and stand at attention. Roll your shoulders back and keep upright. It makes you look even taller and women love a strong, tall male suitor. Remember that your body language and nonverbal cues are incredibly important in first encounters.
- Start a conversation
Much like in real life, cheesy pickup lines are passe. “Cheesy pickup lines faded with the ‘90s. Use a good tone of voice. The best results start with a small compliment to begin the chat. Then get into introducing yourself. This works because the girl feels like she owes you something, after a compliment, so you have a couple minutes to keep her interested and make it work.”
In real life: Besides a witty opening and a well-intentioned compliment, it’s always good to have a back-up plan for where to take the conversation after the “What’s your name? Where you from?” well dries up. Take notice of something about her and bring it into the conversation. Maybe she is wearing a company logo on her jacket or drinking a particular beverage that looks very much like windshield wiper fluid. Start the conversation rolling by asking her questions that may lead to other questions.
- Be in the right frame of mind
“It's more important in the offline world to be in the right frame of mind,” Greg explains, “because there is a finite amount of girls. But online, it's infinite.” The success rate will be much higher if you're on a mission and excited about chatting with a woman versus being in a foul mood because life isn’t going according to plan.
In real life: Every visit to the local watering hole doesn’t have to be about picking up women. Sometimes it’s fun to just hang back and watch your friend crash and burn. If you don’t feel like making conversation, no one is forcing you to -- just relax and take in the scene. If the beers loosen you up a little, give yourself a little liquid courage, then by all means start striking up some conversation.
“Be charming and smile,” Greg advises, “but not too big. When someone sees someone else smiling, there is a greater chance she will stick around to continue the conversation.” It creates a good vibe at the start of the chat and it’s harder for a person to just click off for no good reason if the other person seems genuinely nice and well-intentioned.
In real life: You spend all that cash on teeth whiteners, at least show off the fact you’ve got all 32 of your choppers. A simple smile will ease all of her fears that she might not make it out of the bar alive if she shoots you down. Smile when she is talking and look like you are enjoying the conversation -- even if it’s boring you to tears.
- Use humor
Greg suggests first feeling out your chat partner to see how far you can take the joking. “Everyone loves a good joke,” he admits, “but it must be in good taste. Feel her out before you start making jokes that poke fun at her though. Poke fun at something she is wearing or something in her room, but it must be in good taste.”
In real life: Ask women the important traits they look for in a guy and they’ll all rattle off “a sense of humor.” It seems so simple -- keep it light and keep it funny. Meeting people is an uncomfortable situation for men and women alike, but if a guy can keep a woman laughing, it eases the tension and shows her that there is probably no need to be worried that he's a lunatic.
- Don't oversell yourself
This seems to be a common and critical mistake in the online chat game. Greg explains: “Don't gloat. Don't get all up in the camera. Don't brag about monetary possessions. A girl can pick up on a guy when he is overselling, and it ruins the fun for her.” Be cool and somewhat mysterious.
In real life: Same principles apply; don’t try too hard to showboat yourself as the perfect guy. This isn’t a job interview. Save the PowerPoint presentation; she will draw her own conclusions about you through the course of the conversation.
- Speak like a normal person
“Don’t try and fake it,” Greg explains, “and don't blatantly try to use the same type of language as her. Be cool about it. People feel connected to other people when their language is similar. If she is throwing in some swear words, then you should as well.”
In real life: An important lesson a guy can take from online chat is not to just speak in terms a woman would relate to, but don’t speak in terms she would have little interest in hearing. For example, if the conversation turns to your job, make the explanation as generic and simple as possible. No need to go into every excruciating detail about every facet of your job.
- Focus on her
Greg sees it much too often: Guys who chat with women but do a hundred other things on their computers or in their rooms instead of paying attention to anything the woman has to say during the conversation. “And don’t forget direct eye contact,” Greg reminds chat users, “but don't stare her down. People don't like when you look at them 100% of the time; it gives them the ‘no’ feeling.”
In real life: When you’re talking to a woman at a bar she should be your main focus. Stop giggling at your friends making faces behind her back, don’t check your cell constantly and never scan around the room for other people to talk to or hit on. Pretend that she is the only person in the place for the next couple of minutes. Keep good eye contact, but don’t stare deep into her eyes. It’s creepy.
If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever
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