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Nit-picking is finding fault with your spouse over petty, inconsequential issues or tasks.
Don't do it! If and when you nit-pick about what one another has done or not done or how your spouse accomplished a task or said or wrote something, you have decided to belittle, embarrass, and demean each other. Nit-picking is a sign that you don't respect your mate and is a huge red flag in your marriage. If you continue to nit-pick at your spouse, a growing resentment will create a wall between the two of you.
If you nit-pick at your spouse you are saying you want your spouse to change and that he/she isn't good enough. The issues or things you nitpick about may be some of the irresolvable issues in your marriage.
Susan Boon, PhD: "Dr. Gottman brings up something no one ever talks about -- that irreconcilable differences are normal, that you just have to come to terms with them, not try to resolve the irresolvable."
Shae Graham Kosch, PhD: "Most marital conflicts don't ever get resolved. There are always issues around in-laws, children. Solving the problems doesn't really matter. What's crucial is keeping things positive. You have to accept the other person's perspective, have an appropriate discussion without getting critical or blaming."
Things You Can Do Rather Than Nit-pick at Your Spouse
- Be nice.
- Be kind.
- Show respect.
- Be supportive.
- Listen to your spouse.
- Continue to get to know one another better.
- Try to see your spouse's perspective on the issue.
- Accept that some habits of your spouse will annoy you.
- Learn to pick your battles. Save your arguments for the big issues and fight fair.
- You know the little things you can do that can make a positive difference in your marriage. Do them -- often.