Problems in a marriage are part of the package. It is to be expected and both partners must be able to acknowledge, accept and deal with the problems as they manifest. Denying the problems or not dealing with them early makes it very difficult to resolve them later. The common problems in a marriage such as finances, intimacy, sharing of responsibilities, children, communication, likes and dislikes, in-laws etc., are as old as the institution itself. The consolation therefore, is that, others have faced similar problems in their marriages and have been able to overcome them. In fact, in working at resolving the problems, many marriages have been strengthened and made better. Therefore, in dealing with problems in a marriage, the best approach is to be prepared to work together and try out the possible solutions. The worst approach is to play the blame game. To deal with marriage problems successfully, the following are two key prerequisites:
Marriage is a commitment to a partnership and to make the partnership work, both parties must be prepared to work at making it successful. There is no such thing as instant bliss and ready made success. There is a process to it and it takes time to be put in place and continuously improved. How long does it take? How about forever? Why? Because there are cases of marriages falling apart even after many years and when the couples have reached a ripe old age. If the marriage is built on a strong and long term commitment, the effort required to make the marriage a success is almost spontaneous. In working at resolving problems in a marriage, it must be carefully thought out and given the required time to bear fruit. It is not just about working hard. Sometimes this may work against the objective as it can be viewed as undue pressure resulting in emotional and mental stress.
A marriage is about two individuals believing that they can live their lives better as a couple. It is about love. It is about adding better value and meaning to each other. In a marriage, two people place their trust in one another with the hope of a building a bond that will see them live happily. A marriage is about meeting the needs and expectations of both partners. A marriage needs the clear understanding of both partners that though they have different roles to play, it is always in support of each other. These need not be listed and ticked off as a checklist but something which is a result of the spiritual, emotional and physical force or energy that brought two people together. As problems arise in the marriage, such an understanding will help the partners take things in their stride and keep focused on the end result. Understanding brings resilience and resilience enables the partners to persevere at overcoming their marriage problems.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA