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I’ve dated some losers, sure, but haven’t we all? The trickiest dudes to sniff out are the annoying ones. At first they seem well-meaning and nerdy, which is normally endearing. After a while, and some embarrassing moments, you’ll come to see these same annoying tendencies become super sucky to date. So before you spend a lifetime testing your patience, put him to this test. Are you prone to eye-rolling or is he just really annoying?
- Accent-uate The Negative: Unless he’s an “actor” or paid impersonator, faking an accent is lame. He may think he’s playing the “wacky guy” with that Austin Powers-style “Yeah baby, yeah!” but eventually he’ll drive you—and everyone in hearing range—nutty.
- If You Kill It, You Gotta Fill It: If he eats all your emergency PMS goodies, he best be replacing them or heads will roll, once a month, like clockwork.
- Thinks Life Is A Stage: When he tells a story, he needs everyone around to give him their undivided attention.
- Nothing To Say, Lips Still Flappin’: Speaking of mouthing off, there is no such thing as a comfortable silence to this dude. He’d rather say something dumb that he’ll wind up apologizing for than just let it be quiet. If there’s fresh air, he’ll suck it all in.
- Old Fart: Everyone likes fart jokes, but he thinks his actual farts are hilarious, no matter where he unleashes the beast. He wants you to get in on the joke too.
- Dirty Deets: Any adult knows, you gotta clean up after yourself. But whether it’s an awkward social situation or the dishes, he just skeedaddles like a child.
- Let It Go: He doesn’t get that if you’re not laughing, you don’t think his joke is funny. He keeps repeating himself or finds new ways to tell it, thinking you’ll just give in, rather than earning your giggle with a truly funny joke.
- A Real Flub(ber): He doesn’t feel like he needs to keep your secrets or protect your sensitivities, especially when exploiting them will make him seem cool. If you’ve got flabby arms, he’ll insist on poking them and laughing. And really, when has poking someone not been annoying?
- Catchphrase: Like his favorite sitcom characters, he has tag lines he repeats over and over again. Or maybe he just steals famous ones. Either way, they don’t always apply to the situation, but he thinks it’s a cute way to end the scene he’s making. “That’s what she said” stopped being funny three seconds after it was said the first time.
- Eating (Bad) Habits: Sure, you like to get down on some food and enjoy. But the way he eats, you can’t even watch. He makes a mess of himself and talks with his mouth open all the time. Not sexy.
- Disturbing: He has no qualms interrupting you while you’re working, on the phone, and even sleeping. If he wants something, he will bother you.
- Sinking The Friend Ship: At first, your friends might have thought he came on strong, but they’ll give him more chances to hang. However, after a couple of parties together, you’ll notice that they’re trying not to include him, to get you alone, or are avoiding him even when he is around. He’s driving them bonkers.
- Needy Boy: He play the sensitive guy card and gets all emo about things when really, he just wants attention. His mantra is “me, me, me, me, me.”
- Phone It In: He will pick up his phone anywhere, anytime ... even if you’re in the middle of something important, like complaining about his behavior.
- Coming In Last: He has to have the last word. Always. Even when he’s obviously wrong.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA
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