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| || || | When you chatted her up at the bar, she reciprocated all your flirts and seemed pretty keen to give you her number at the end of the night. A few days later you phoned her only to have a conversation with her voice mail and a later one of confusion with yourself because she never returned your call. What gives? Here are some possible reasons why she went MIA on you and why she didn't return your call.
Giving you her number was an easy exit “Exits are everywhere,” as the saying goes. For women, that exit is often found by being nice. It was much easier for her to play nice and give you her number instead of shaking her head and saying: “Sorry, I’m not interested.” We know it sounds unreal, but giving you her number was a get-out-of-the-awkward-situation-free card. If she told you she didn’t want to exchange digits, you might have asked why, which is a hotter seat for her to be placed in than simply handing it over. By smiling and calling out her number she didn’t have to risk that uncomfortable scenario. This way, she can rather just fob you off by never taking your calls.
Of course, you can’t write her off as leading you down the garden path just yet -- not returning your call could be part of her "playing hard to get" strategy. Wait it out for a few days to a week. If, by then, you still haven’t heard from her, it’s time to take your exit because you know why she didn't return your call.
She discovered something about you that put her off Women are complicated and they’re accustomed to changing their minds -- a lot. They’ll wax lyrical about a new pair of jeans only to return them the next day because they realized the jeans make their butts look big or not shapely enough. You have now become that pair of jeans. At first, she thought you were great, with your humor and ineffable sexiness. However, when she told her friends about you, they alerted her to a thing or two you had said that made her rethink her decision to answer your call. If her friends expressed something to her that just didn’t "feel right" about how you mentioned your ex or didn’t mention her (we told you women are complicated), she surely took her friends' advice into account, which is one reason she didn't return your call. Another option is that she discovered something about you from a different source, such as your Facebook profile. On seeing those naked pictures of you running through a garden sprinkler at a bachelor party, she wasn’t rubbed the right way. In the future, it would do you good to set your profile to private. Just a thought…
There’s another guy on the scene It could be that she was only seeing him on a casual level when she traded numbers with you. Or she wasn’t committing to anything or anyone in particular and thought it wouldn’t hurt to widen the playing field a bit. However, now things have changed in her life. The other guy is now the guy she’s dating exclusively, and he’s the magician who made her vanish. Although it would be a much better scenario to challenge the guy head-on and win the lady in the end, the good thing is her disappearing act has nothing to do with your performance.
That fourth tequila made her talk the talk Ah, yes. You don’t have to jog your memory too hard to remember that alcohol -- and lots of it -- was the third companion that night. She got so drunk that she wasn’t thinking clearly and did something she wouldn’t ordinarily do -- like give her number to a guy she just met. When her phone rang during her hangover, she probably riled in embarrassment, wondering just what else she traded with you. Or she might not even remember the digit exchange! See? It’s just a safer bet for her not to answer your call.
Male readers at http://dating.over-blog.net/ often complain: "I don't understand my wife (or girlfriend). For weeks, she is wonderful and loving, and gives unconditionally to me, and everyone around her. Then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, she switches and everything is wrong. She becomes easily overwhelmed, insecure and disapproves of almost everything I do. I try to be supportive, but nothing I do seems to make it better. It's like she doesn't want my help. Even though it's not my fault, we have terrible fights. What am I supposed to do?"
Make Sense of it all It's true that a woman's mood can change on a dime. This emotional roller coaster may leave you feeling dazed and confused. The good news is that you can learn to respond in an appropriate and positive manner that is truly a gift to your partner when she is upset.
A woman's self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When a woman's wave rises, she feels as though she has an abundance of love to give. When it crashes down she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love.
The Woman's Fall For a woman, this experience of crashing down is like falling into a deep, dark well. And when a woman goes into her "well," she is sinking into her unconscious self, into darkness and diffused feeling.
This type of bottoming out is a time for emotional housekeeping.
As a woman goes down into the well, she may suddenly experience a host of unexplained emotions and vague feelings. She may feel hopeless, overwhelmed, insecure, resentful, mistrustful, worried -- she may think she is alone or unsupported.
If she has suppressed any negative feelings or denied herself in order to be more loving on the upswing of her wave, then on the downswing she will begin to experience these negative feelings and unfulfilled needs. During this "down time," she especially needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood.
When a woman goes into her well, her deepest issues tend to surface. These issues may have to do with her relationship, but usually they are heavily charged from her past relationships and childhood. Whatever remains to be healed or resolved from her past inevitably will come up.
Illustration from Clyde Mendes column at MetroSexual LA
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