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All of us have felt approach anxiety at one time or another. You see that girl from across the room and you think to yourself, “I want to meet her.” You get ready to approach when suddenly your chest constricts. Your palms feel sweaty and thoughts start running rapidly through your mind. What if she doesn’t like me? What if everyone sees me bomb with this one girl? Maybe I should get a drink first and wait for the opening… Congratulations. You’ve just been hit by approach anxiety.
Why do we feel like this whenever we see an attractive woman? There are many theories out there but the one that I believe makes the most sense is that it is an evolutionary survival response. Back in the good old days, when we used to live in caves and beat each other with sticks and stones, approaching women was far more dangerous. To have a failed approach usually meant irreparable damage to your reputation in the tribe, leading to ostracizing and inevitable death. Our ancestors developed over thousands of years an emotional response to approaching, whereby if the circumstances were not in our favor, we would feel bad.
Things are nowhere near as dire nowadays but our body still has that defense mechanism that prevents us from approaching. You might wonder, how can I get over this outdated technology? Fortunately there are a few things you can do to get over approach anxiety.
The Rule – If you see a girl, approach her within three seconds. Why does this help? If you see a girl and approach her immediately, your mind does not have the TIME to react negatively. Instead of your thought processes going “Oh, a hot girl… oh, but she’s surrounded by her friends… I can’t go and approach her like that… I’ll wait a bit” your mind goes “Girl. Get girl.”
- Get out of your head and have fun– When you’re not over-analyzing the situation, you tend to act more naturally and be more comfortable in your skin. When you’re with friends and just chilling with them, are you really analyzing your every thought? No! You’re just out to have a good time with them! Do things that will help you get out of your head – high five everyone in the club, start doing a crazy dance, shout random words at the top of your voice… whatever it is, have fun with it!
- Crash and Burn– Seems completely counterintuitive to your goal, eh? Remember, the thing that is preventing you from approaching is the fear of rejection. If you go and intentionally mess up a couple of interactions, you’ll come to the realization “Hey, it’s not the end of the world after all!” and it will feel like a weight off your shoulders.
- Remember: They’re only women! – That’s the straight up truth guys. They aren’t going to turn into dragons with flaming talons or start yelling at you in the middle of the club. Girls are not inherently mean. They’ll listen to you politely and might, god forbid, even start having a good time with you! Don’t put them on a pedestal… treat them as people and just watch at how they open up.
So remember guys – next time you start to feel the onset of approach anxiety, just stop analyzing and start having fun. If you don’t try, you have a zero percent chance of success, whereas if you make the approach, your chances have already gone up a lot. You’re in a social environment, out to meet women and have a great time… so start having a great time NOW!
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